20 November 2008

Empower - HOPE

First, I found my crochet hooks - they were in the trunk at the bottom of my closet, which meant pulling out the tubs and the other heavy trunk ... but I got them. And saw no signs of bedbugs, but you never know. *shudder*

I can't wait to write something AFTER this whole ordeal - write the thing that I went searching for online when I first discovered this infestation ... that it CAN be OK and people can make it through this. Because from where I'm sitting, that's not seeming realistic or plausible.

After a late lunch today - I started to feel better (today's previous entry was depressed, to be kind about it). I don't feel great, but I'm also OK with that. It sucks that this has happened to us, but this is certainly not the worst thing that could happen (although I hope it's the worst thing that Shawn and I ever face together! Wouldn't we have a happy, carefree life then?).

We have each other - and our stuff isn't destroyed. We WILL eventually leave this behind us, even if we can't get them knocked out of this apartment. And we've found coping mechanisms and a way to live with the bugs (buy stock in Comet, right?!) if we absolutely have to. And I'm no longer shelling out co-pay after co-pay for a skin allergy that wasn't.

It's going to take a while until I'm comfortable in this apartment (which is a struggle, since I spend up to 24 out of 24 hours in a day in this room) ... but I have to remember all the blessings I have and the ways in which life is GOOD, despite this bad THING that's happening in it. If only that nugget of positive emotion and empowerment and HOPE could stick with me and dry the tears that I inevitably shed when looking around and thinking about it all... Baby steps, though. Baby steps.

Also - now it's OK to listen to Christmas music - giving myself just over a full month to enjoy my collection - including Mariah, Trisha and a great Merry Mixmas CD that has classics re-mixed. Minimal decorating will commence when we return from our Thanksgiving trip, as will Christmas card writing and baking - cookies and candy and good stuff! I'm ordering custom Christmas cards (the first try wasn't what I wanted, but I've found a company that can do what I want), and I'm going to put up a ceramic tree with light bulbs and a mosaic picture holder thing that my mom gave me - instead of photos I'm going to hang/attach ornaments that I've got - it will be fun times.

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