silvermari & the stick

It's been one year since I stopped having a steady paycheck. I don't know that I've been that honest about that on this blog, although it's certainly not a secret.

As this anniversary has come up I've been feeling a little antsy. Or introspective or something. And reading articles like this put me into hyperdrive anxiety about my decisions.

I feel judged by some unknown, faceless "them" or "society" that I am making a detrimental decision -- for myself, for my family and for my daughter. And reading about "mommy wars" I know the feeling of being judged goes both ways.

But I honestly don't question anyone's decisions on child care and working. It's certainly a family-by-family decision (or mama-by-mama decision and possibly child-by-child decision). There can't be a right answer for everyone.

I don't even think there's a right answer for me. It's just what I'm doing now because I want to. And I know how u…

In a continuing effort to drive myself crazy I am once again traveling with a toddler. This time without a second set of hands! Luckily they are two short flights with reasonable layovers in between at an airport with a great kids' play area. But still.

I bought something to try to make things a little easier on the plane. On the Minneapolis trip I struggled with having everything handy -- books, small toys, snacks, water, etc. So when I saw a Plum District deal for this Zo&Co TravelTote at half off, I bit. And it's a Thing That I Bought That I Love.
After using it for one half of a trip so far, I really like it. I also know it will be useful when we fly and Jane gets her own seat (we're only a few months away from that reality ... although who knows when we'll fly once we need three tickets) and when she's in the car seat facing forward (not sure when I want to do that since backward facing is so much safer for neck and shoulders). 
The tote itself is made of …

It's a little too big, so I'm already working on a smaller one (using thinner yarn and a smaller hook) in different colors. I know she'll grow into this one in no time anyway. Jane picked out the yarn.

Writing about her childhood vs. writing about my parenthood. Is there a difference? Which do I do, if any?

In looking for places to write online, I stumbled across an article about mommy bloggers sharing too much -- and the growing number of women sharing details of their children's lives online. And is there a difference between writing about your children's lives and writing about your own life raising children?

In the comments someone writes about the idea of a mommy blogger as memoir writer, which seems a much classier label.

But there is also a comment about the scary world of people using your baby pictures for nefarious purposes. SCARY.

I know Jane's picture is on Pinterest at least once because of the homemade boogie wipes post I did. Not that there's anything wrong with Pinterest or the people who pinned the article (or that it being on Pinterest somehow makes it more likely to be swiped from my site). I just wonder if I should be more protective of her image …

At church I'm part of a "witness committee" that has done several things in the last few months, including a new system of welcoming first time guests to the church.

Rationally I get why I should be open to being recognized as a new guest -- older people don't seem to remember younger people's faces, even though I've been attending the church for two and a half years.

But today a woman WHO IS ON THE COMMITTEE WITH ME introduced herself and acted like we'd never met.

WAAA?

In her defense (?) she has been to ONE meeting of the half a dozen we've had. But we've emailed several times recently about a new program we're working on, and even though I'd only seen her that one time I knew EXACTLY who she was.

I was probably a little rude, reminding her of our shared committee work. But I did joke about how I had my hair brushed, which always makes me look different (straight hair with makeup vs. messy bun without makeup). I felt a little guilty abo…

I'm struggling with how to keep my backpack carry on from weighing as much as my toddler. But I am having no success. Why is my bag so heavy? Here is what I packed for Minneapolis:
Laptop (soooo heavy, but essential to me) and charger Kindle, iPod, phone and chargersDSLR camera (only the one lens but it's still bulky and fragile) Wallet and ticket holder, 2-3 pens, lip balm, hand sanitizerGlasses, sunglasses, contacts holder, medicine (sometimes keys too)Diaper wallet (Pronto Changing Station by Skip Hop -- highly recommend for travel and daily diaper bag use) packed with diapers, wipes, creamLovey -- soft, small blanket (not taking chances this gets lost, although I think I'm more attached to it than she is)Change of clothes for Jane in a ziplock bag (in case of emergency)Baby books -- try to keep them small and light, including some about airports and travel, a mix of new and old, and at least one coloring bookCrayons, small notebook and stickers in a zippered pouchFisher…

Jane's hair is getting out of control. A first haircut is in order. I didn't realize how traumatic the idea would be for me. But I'm quaking in my flip flops thinking about it while simultaneously wanting to take scissors to it myself. There are competing voices in my head about it, namely:
Her hair is beautiful and natural, just let it grow (hippie?)Her hair is tangly and gets in her eyes, cut it yourself and be done with it (practical hippie? or maybe just cheap)Her hair will look jacked up if you cut it yourself -- take her to a kid salon! (yuppie?)  (Dada says she can have long hair when she can comb it herself!)
I'm pondering my own hair at the same time. The grey is starting to show more, at least to my eye. And I happened to read a book this week "Going Gray" -- that I didn't really like but was all about how our ideals of beauty are firmly entrenched in not-grey hair. So I've been noticing grey more (there's a lot of it at church). I am not…