a slow death

i am dying a slow death

of itch

of unbelievable overwhelmingness

every single item shawn and i own must be bagged

i must trash my mattress, which i bought when i moved to MD for grad school - expensive and less than 5 years old. required Sage's help to move it - so i guess OK to let go of memories since she hates me anyway - maybe karma from her?

then they'll come and spray/treat the apartment.

then we have to wash every single item before we can use it/reintroduce it to the room (although all the bagged items will still be in the room, seeing as how we live in one single room).

i have cried more today than i have in a long time. i can't believe it. NINE weeks of vampire bugs sucking my blood.

and i KNOW that it happens regardless of how clean you keep your house/apartment. i KNOW it's a result of this city - the outbreaks are bad everywhere and don't discriminate by income see

• www.nytimes.com/2005/11/27/nyregion/27bugs.html
• www.nytimes.com/2006/10/15/realestate/15cov.html

but my very first household as a wife. i can't help but feel like a failure. i'm being overly dramatic - i can't help it, my chest is pounding and i'm crying nonstop. so weak and stupid.

i'm dying a slow death - but at least i'll kill the bed bugs first.

mari.