I used to crochet like a maniac. I could whip out hats and baby blankets like nobody's business.
I haven't been crocheting at all over the last year.
Feeling demoralized politically and philosophically takes away my drive to create? I also am stuck on a project for Jane -- it's thread and a dress for a doll, originally for a bear but now she has a doll that will fit it so I bet it will be for her now.
But I have a list of things I want to make -- a new baby cousin coming (in like 3 weeks) who has nothing handmade from me, girls who will be in cold weather soon who can use some cute new matching sister hats.
But my hooks still lay still.
We don't have cable TV anymore, and both girls' routines usually take us until 8, which reduces the amount of sitting time I have and the time I'm inspired to sit in front of the TV. I can definitely find time to crochet during the day, but I haven't.
I'm not sure what else I've been doing because I'm not reading as much as usual either. My Goodreads goal probably won't be met this year. And I can read fast. But not fast enough to catch up by the end of the year I think.
The Little Mermaid Jr.
Back in August Jane tried out for the elementary school musical, The Little Mermaid, Jr. She didn't make it -- there were 180+ try outs for about 70 spots, most of which are NOT for Kindergarteners of course. So we don't feel too bad.
Tonight was opening night, and since the Sunday afternoon tickets were sold out by the time I went to buy ours (within hours of the email that they were on sale!) Thursday was the only night left. (Two performances only.) Daddy and Liv stayed home (and he got her to sleep without me!), so it was a Mama and Jane date.
The tickets said 6 p.m., but everything else I'd seen -- info from the class, the actual email -- said 6:30 p.m., so that's what I had in my head. I checked the tickets at about 5 p.m. as I was making dinner. YIKES!
We quick ate our supper and hit the road. Turns out 6:30 is correct, but there was a line out the door. They opened the doors at about 5:45, and thankfully we were able to find pretty good seats, since we only needed two together. I saw some empty seats, even though they said they were sold out. Probably some people stood or sat on the floor rather than sit near the wall?
The costumes and sets were incredible. The acting and singing and dancing were good for their ages. I really liked the lead actress. We've seen her before in Junie B. Jones at BR Playmakers, and it has started our love affair with the audio books. Seriously Jane listens to them as much as possible, and I like them too for the most part. But that's another story... When the music teacher/director spoke before the play I was afraid it was going to be super-high quality, but it was just a good elementary-school play with mainly 4th and 5th graders.
I did feel bad for the Ariel girl, since her costume was not flattering and the wig was a wild, cheap looking thing. Ursula looked AWESOME, although I didn't love the fat suit/donut tire they had around her waist. Ariel had a better voice and memory though. It was clear why she was chosen lead. Sebastian was funny, but I'm not sure how appropriate it is to have a little blonde kid doing a Jamaican accent? Am I too sensitive?!
One of Jane's classmates was in the play (as a fish and princess in the big song numbers), so she really wanted to stay and see her. But it was 8 p.m. when we finally left. Bedtime is normally 7:30/8, and we had to take a bath tonight (I couldn't get it together to get her clean before we left -- she had a lot of birthday present playing and coloring to do!).
When we did get home, with Liv still asleep, Jane was WILD. Staying up late does NOT agree with her. She ran -- in her socks on tile, which is so stressful as one bad fall and we'd be back in the ER for a re-set of her arm -- and hid and acted crazy. It took about 45 minutes to get her calm, bathed, dressed, teeth brushed and in bed. I hope she gets a good night sleep.
Jane said tomorrow her class is going to get to see the play. I don't see how that's possible -- it's a 2 hour show, and surely they won't shut down the whole elementary school ... plus I'm not sure they can fit them all in that auditorium? But if it is true I wish they'd told us, since I wouldn't have taken her if I knew she could see it in class. BUT I remembered that tomorrow she has another appointment for her cast X-rays. I really hope while she's out that she doesn't miss the play ... or whatever it is related to that she'd get to see.
Tonight was opening night, and since the Sunday afternoon tickets were sold out by the time I went to buy ours (within hours of the email that they were on sale!) Thursday was the only night left. (Two performances only.) Daddy and Liv stayed home (and he got her to sleep without me!), so it was a Mama and Jane date.
The tickets said 6 p.m., but everything else I'd seen -- info from the class, the actual email -- said 6:30 p.m., so that's what I had in my head. I checked the tickets at about 5 p.m. as I was making dinner. YIKES!
We quick ate our supper and hit the road. Turns out 6:30 is correct, but there was a line out the door. They opened the doors at about 5:45, and thankfully we were able to find pretty good seats, since we only needed two together. I saw some empty seats, even though they said they were sold out. Probably some people stood or sat on the floor rather than sit near the wall?
The costumes and sets were incredible. The acting and singing and dancing were good for their ages. I really liked the lead actress. We've seen her before in Junie B. Jones at BR Playmakers, and it has started our love affair with the audio books. Seriously Jane listens to them as much as possible, and I like them too for the most part. But that's another story... When the music teacher/director spoke before the play I was afraid it was going to be super-high quality, but it was just a good elementary-school play with mainly 4th and 5th graders.
I did feel bad for the Ariel girl, since her costume was not flattering and the wig was a wild, cheap looking thing. Ursula looked AWESOME, although I didn't love the fat suit/donut tire they had around her waist. Ariel had a better voice and memory though. It was clear why she was chosen lead. Sebastian was funny, but I'm not sure how appropriate it is to have a little blonde kid doing a Jamaican accent? Am I too sensitive?!
One of Jane's classmates was in the play (as a fish and princess in the big song numbers), so she really wanted to stay and see her. But it was 8 p.m. when we finally left. Bedtime is normally 7:30/8, and we had to take a bath tonight (I couldn't get it together to get her clean before we left -- she had a lot of birthday present playing and coloring to do!).
When we did get home, with Liv still asleep, Jane was WILD. Staying up late does NOT agree with her. She ran -- in her socks on tile, which is so stressful as one bad fall and we'd be back in the ER for a re-set of her arm -- and hid and acted crazy. It took about 45 minutes to get her calm, bathed, dressed, teeth brushed and in bed. I hope she gets a good night sleep.
Jane said tomorrow her class is going to get to see the play. I don't see how that's possible -- it's a 2 hour show, and surely they won't shut down the whole elementary school ... plus I'm not sure they can fit them all in that auditorium? But if it is true I wish they'd told us, since I wouldn't have taken her if I knew she could see it in class. BUT I remembered that tomorrow she has another appointment for her cast X-rays. I really hope while she's out that she doesn't miss the play ... or whatever it is related to that she'd get to see.
A Sixth Birthday
A second birthday cake for a six-year-old girl. This one I bought from Ambrosia Bakery. I got white icing because it looks prettier with the pink, but the cake itself was chocolate with chocolate buttercream inside. It was also THICKLY iced. Like, THICK to the point of tasting too much and too sweet. Jane ate some, and Liv ate some cake itself. Cake is probably her new favorite word. Jane would NEVER have eaten cake when she was 19 months old. Perish the thought. Things change I guess.
I had a great time going to Jane's class and reading Twinderella -- a "fractioned" fairy tail because it was a re-telling of a fairy tale and this one used fractions -- halves, quarters, doubles. The teacher said it was her best reader yet, mainly because of how well the book fit into their unit. We had checked it out of the library by chance from the new books section. I also got to eat lunch with Jane, and that was fun. Daddy stayed home with Liv. He took her to her library story time so she didn't have to miss that. Sweet potato!
This afternoon I was going to take Jane shopping for a new lamp, but she decided she'd rather go home and open her presents. She's got a ton of great things from family and us. My absolute favorite was when she opened the Target Our Generation doll (a knock-off style of American Girl Dolls) she jumped up and said "thank you, thank you, thank you, Mommy" and came and tackled me in a huge hug and let me snuggle her for a long time. I think I'm going to have some fun crocheting clothes for her doll, which she named Indigo, and probably buying some matching Jane and Indigo outfits too.
Anyway, Jane said I could pick out her lamp on my own later, so I will. Only requirement is pink, her favorite color. We've re-arranged Jane's room to make for a side table and access to a lamp, tissue, trash can, water, etc. Still getting used to it, but it's a good set up.
Domestic posts don't make for good blog fodder, but someday I'll be glad for these ramblings, just like I'm grateful for the record of my weeks in email format.
Area 51 Reservation System Hack
Before Jane broke her arm we had planned to celebrate her sixth birthday at Area 51, a trampoline place. We've gone several times and she loves it. Shawn likes it too. We had to rearrange the party at the last minute, and thankfully Area 51 gave us a refund, but I worked out a "hack" for using their RSVP system.
It's a little weird how it's set up. You can have electronic invitations, but they are really weird looking, and it requires you have an email address for everyone. It gives you the option to print them, but when you do that you can't use the online RSVP system, which automatically gives a link to download the required waiver. I looked for the link, thinking it was the same for everyone, but it turns out the system creates an individual link for each person who's invited.
I didn't have email addresses for all of Jane's classmates, so we had to print out invites. The Area 51 print system made them look quite janky, so we skipped that.
After a bit of thought I decided to print my own invites and use Bit.ly to shorten the individual links. Each girl had their own RSVP link (bit.ly/Janebday#). It actually worked! Except most parents didn't RSVP at all. One girl showed up without RSVP'ing and 5 out of 11 didn't show up and didn't RSVP. Not bad.
Of course we had to re-do the party at the last minute and re-send the invitations. I ended up emailing the entire class, since I couldn't get the girls' moms email addresses separated. I found a really cute free clip art of a girl with a broken arm and sent change-of-plan invites to the girls again in their folders at school.
Alls well that ends well, and it was a great party. I don't know if we'll ever do a party at Area 51. I'm too nervous about broken bones to think about anything like that again right now. Just want to wrap my girls in bubble wrap and keep them home in my lap!
It's a little weird how it's set up. You can have electronic invitations, but they are really weird looking, and it requires you have an email address for everyone. It gives you the option to print them, but when you do that you can't use the online RSVP system, which automatically gives a link to download the required waiver. I looked for the link, thinking it was the same for everyone, but it turns out the system creates an individual link for each person who's invited.
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| Clip art from Melonheadz Illustrating |
After a bit of thought I decided to print my own invites and use Bit.ly to shorten the individual links. Each girl had their own RSVP link (bit.ly/Janebday#). It actually worked! Except most parents didn't RSVP at all. One girl showed up without RSVP'ing and 5 out of 11 didn't show up and didn't RSVP. Not bad.
Of course we had to re-do the party at the last minute and re-send the invitations. I ended up emailing the entire class, since I couldn't get the girls' moms email addresses separated. I found a really cute free clip art of a girl with a broken arm and sent change-of-plan invites to the girls again in their folders at school.
Alls well that ends well, and it was a great party. I don't know if we'll ever do a party at Area 51. I'm too nervous about broken bones to think about anything like that again right now. Just want to wrap my girls in bubble wrap and keep them home in my lap!
A Calling
I do not have one that I can discern. Should I be worried?
Or does my calling to motherhood count?
I often feel like I'm spinning my wheels. There's no accomplishment in the daily grind, although it's certainly pleasing to see my girls grow.
Am I called to a writer life of some sort? Or general communications? What story am I called to tell? Or can I tell any story as I hustle for work? (Which I really haven't done in so long ... am I rusty?)
Am I too controlling? Want to be in charge or not do anything at all? Or too small? Not wanting to be responsible for anything other than tasks given me?
Pre-mid-life crisis I guess. Not really a crisis of course. Just thinking...
Trader Joe's flowers for Jane's birthday;
Or does my calling to motherhood count?
I often feel like I'm spinning my wheels. There's no accomplishment in the daily grind, although it's certainly pleasing to see my girls grow.
Am I called to a writer life of some sort? Or general communications? What story am I called to tell? Or can I tell any story as I hustle for work? (Which I really haven't done in so long ... am I rusty?)
Am I too controlling? Want to be in charge or not do anything at all? Or too small? Not wanting to be responsible for anything other than tasks given me?
Pre-mid-life crisis I guess. Not really a crisis of course. Just thinking...
Trader Joe's flowers for Jane's birthday;
"Only" 9 p.m.
It's end of Daylight Savings Time. This is my preferred mode of time -- regular old time. Darker earlier is fine with me. Getting up in daylight seems a little easier. But man, I'm tired. Liv's clock hasn't re-set yet, and so neither has mine. Jane slept in a little, which is good for her and her healing bone. And it was easy peasy to get to church on time.
Here is Jane's Kookie Cookie painting in GIF form:
I went to a church meeting this evening -- an ongoing dialogue about race. That's when I heard about the Texas church shooting today. Thoughts and prayers aren't enough. But if we'll allow children to be slayed in their Kindergarten classroom and do nothing, I don't think worshipers at church -- actively praying at the time they were gunned down -- will change legislation or attitudes either. Disgusted and upset is an understatement. #FuckTheNRA
Here is Jane's Kookie Cookie painting in GIF form:
I went to a church meeting this evening -- an ongoing dialogue about race. That's when I heard about the Texas church shooting today. Thoughts and prayers aren't enough. But if we'll allow children to be slayed in their Kindergarten classroom and do nothing, I don't think worshipers at church -- actively praying at the time they were gunned down -- will change legislation or attitudes either. Disgusted and upset is an understatement. #FuckTheNRA
Sixth Party
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| Six balloons plus a SIX balloon. |
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| A six-shaped cheese and fruit plate |
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| Six balloons on our address post |
Day of Preparations
Today has been a busy day. Jane stayed home this morning, since we had an orthopedic surgeon appointment at 10 a.m. It was a LONG morning, but maybe easier than taking her to school, picking her up and hour and a half later? I don't know.
The appointment was OK, and Shawn stayed with the baby. I can take her with me next time now that I know what to expect. We have to go back and check weekly to make sure the bone is staying in place, which means weekly X-rays, ugh. The appointment felt rushed after waiting so long. I am totally freaking out about the whole thing, but what else is new. I'd like to ask a lot of questions. Maybe I'll just call and talk to a nurse about my worries next week.
In between that, mopping the floors and carpool I baked Jane's cake for her party tomorrow. (We're also buying a cake from Ambrosia Bakery for Heavenly Hash at church on her actual birthday.)
For her party Jane wanted a half chocolate-half vanilla cake. If we'd had the party at the trampoline place as planned I would have just bought the cake too, but in an effort to save money (the painting party is about the cost of a cake more than the trampoline party was), I decided to make it. Especially since it doesn't need to be transported!
The chocolate cake is DELICIOUS. I used the same Pioneer Woman best chocolate sheet cake recipe as last year, although I didn't do the fudgy frosting. I made a basic vanilla cake from the Internet, and that was a mistake. I should have found a Pioneer Woman one or some other trusted site. The cake is fine, but when you taste the chocolate it's sad in comparison. (I got to taste both because I didn't cut the cakes exactly evenly, so when I stacked the top layers were smaller than the bottom layers. So I sliced a bit out of the middle and smooshed the remaining cake together to make it even.)
I made my sister's/aunt's buttercream frosting that's basically Crisco and powdered sugar. You whip it for 10 minutes (in the Kitchen-Aid) so it's light and fluffy. I needed a recipe and a half, so a TON of frosting! The pink is sanding sugar that I got on 70% off after Valentine's Day this year at Target. I used cookie cutters, sprinkled the sugar in with a baby spoon (I had to freehand a bit for the inside of the A and the 6). And then I just sprinkled around the edge to get a little border.
By no means professional, and I can't do a crumb coat to save my life ... perhaps it's about that lack of patience?! But as long as Jane likes it it will be just fine!
My kingdom for a bigger kitchen!
The appointment was OK, and Shawn stayed with the baby. I can take her with me next time now that I know what to expect. We have to go back and check weekly to make sure the bone is staying in place, which means weekly X-rays, ugh. The appointment felt rushed after waiting so long. I am totally freaking out about the whole thing, but what else is new. I'd like to ask a lot of questions. Maybe I'll just call and talk to a nurse about my worries next week.
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| Sixth birthday cake frosting procedure |
For her party Jane wanted a half chocolate-half vanilla cake. If we'd had the party at the trampoline place as planned I would have just bought the cake too, but in an effort to save money (the painting party is about the cost of a cake more than the trampoline party was), I decided to make it. Especially since it doesn't need to be transported!
The chocolate cake is DELICIOUS. I used the same Pioneer Woman best chocolate sheet cake recipe as last year, although I didn't do the fudgy frosting. I made a basic vanilla cake from the Internet, and that was a mistake. I should have found a Pioneer Woman one or some other trusted site. The cake is fine, but when you taste the chocolate it's sad in comparison. (I got to taste both because I didn't cut the cakes exactly evenly, so when I stacked the top layers were smaller than the bottom layers. So I sliced a bit out of the middle and smooshed the remaining cake together to make it even.)
I made my sister's/aunt's buttercream frosting that's basically Crisco and powdered sugar. You whip it for 10 minutes (in the Kitchen-Aid) so it's light and fluffy. I needed a recipe and a half, so a TON of frosting! The pink is sanding sugar that I got on 70% off after Valentine's Day this year at Target. I used cookie cutters, sprinkled the sugar in with a baby spoon (I had to freehand a bit for the inside of the A and the 6). And then I just sprinkled around the edge to get a little border.
By no means professional, and I can't do a crumb coat to save my life ... perhaps it's about that lack of patience?! But as long as Jane likes it it will be just fine!
My kingdom for a bigger kitchen!
Répondez s'il vous plaît
Jane's birthday party is this Saturday. We were originally going to have it at Area 51, a local trampoline place, but she broke her arm on Friday -- a drama I might write about in detail or might not -- so the jumping isn't such a great idea any more.
We were able to cancel with no penalty, and we have changed the party venue to our house. Painting & Pinot, a local studio that does kid birthday parties, will come and lead our guests in a painting. They bring everything -- tables, chairs, easels, smocks, paint, canvases, etc. It should be fun, and even though it means WAY more work for me -- I wasn't expecting to clean house! -- it will be less anxiety producing.
But what's really perplexing me is the lack of RSVP from the parents of girls in her class. We wavered on who to invite to the party -- we were limited to 15 kids at the trampoline party, and there are 11 other girls in her class. We could have easily invited friends from outside of the class, and we had two competing guests lists. In the end Jane wanted her school friends to come, so we invited the girls. (You can invite everyone -- all 26 kids -- or all girls/boys depending on the party kid's gender.)
About half of the girls have responded. I get waiting to the last minute for an in-house party. But people weren't responding when it was a trampoline party, which is a $$$ thing, and I'd have had to pay for 15 kids regardless of how many showed up. So I would have liked to have invited other kids to fill the spots if some of her classmates can't make it.
I mentioned this to someone in email, kind of as a joke, and she leapt to the defense. "As a busy working mom with a child in full-time care I don't RSVP until Wednesday or Thursday before. I just don't know how we want our weekends will be until then." (She's a friend who RSVP'ed right away/not a classmate, so it was weird on multiple levels.) So much for Southern politeness, right?!
As it is I'm not sure how many girls will show up. I will have to pay extra if there are more than 10 kids painting, but it's not too bad. I'll share some pictures after the fact, and hope that I can get the house together and make the cake (to save money I'm making it myself, whereas I planned to just buy it for the trampoline party since we'd have to transport it).
We were able to cancel with no penalty, and we have changed the party venue to our house. Painting & Pinot, a local studio that does kid birthday parties, will come and lead our guests in a painting. They bring everything -- tables, chairs, easels, smocks, paint, canvases, etc. It should be fun, and even though it means WAY more work for me -- I wasn't expecting to clean house! -- it will be less anxiety producing.
But what's really perplexing me is the lack of RSVP from the parents of girls in her class. We wavered on who to invite to the party -- we were limited to 15 kids at the trampoline party, and there are 11 other girls in her class. We could have easily invited friends from outside of the class, and we had two competing guests lists. In the end Jane wanted her school friends to come, so we invited the girls. (You can invite everyone -- all 26 kids -- or all girls/boys depending on the party kid's gender.)
About half of the girls have responded. I get waiting to the last minute for an in-house party. But people weren't responding when it was a trampoline party, which is a $$$ thing, and I'd have had to pay for 15 kids regardless of how many showed up. So I would have liked to have invited other kids to fill the spots if some of her classmates can't make it.
I mentioned this to someone in email, kind of as a joke, and she leapt to the defense. "As a busy working mom with a child in full-time care I don't RSVP until Wednesday or Thursday before. I just don't know how we want our weekends will be until then." (She's a friend who RSVP'ed right away/not a classmate, so it was weird on multiple levels.) So much for Southern politeness, right?!
As it is I'm not sure how many girls will show up. I will have to pay extra if there are more than 10 kids painting, but it's not too bad. I'll share some pictures after the fact, and hope that I can get the house together and make the cake (to save money I'm making it myself, whereas I planned to just buy it for the trampoline party since we'd have to transport it).
Into Kindergarten: Lunch Box Notes
Jane started Kindergarten in August. I did not have the mega emotional reaction that I did when she started preschool three years ago. That was three hours twice a week, and now we're talking almost seven hours five days a week. She was ready, and I was too. She's already learned so much in the first ~eight weeks.
Waking up in the mornings and getting ready -- out the door by 7:20, maybe 7:25 at the latest -- has proven very challenging. Even with a uniform and not really much to do (potty, brush teeth, eat breakfast, get dressed, sunblock, shoes and grab backpack) she makes it take forever with grumpiness. We have her alarm set at 6:14 to give her a full hour to get up and together. It's still sometimes a photo finish!
Jane's school has a cafeteria, but it's like a mini college dining hall in that you have to pay for a full semester or year meal plan. You can't look at the menu and decide to eat 3 of 5 days or even week by week or month by month. We talked about it and decided to pack lunches -- Jane was definitely part of that decision. She was so mad on her first day when many other kids got a hot dog and she had to eat a sandwich.
But since I'm packing her lunch every day I'm also including a small drawing and note. I've had a lot of fun drawing things and looking at YouTube videos to learn new sketches. I'm not an artist, but I am a copy cat -- I can sketch simple drawings by looking at them. (Kind of like how I can copy cat things in crochet!) My favorite YouTube channel so far is called Draw So Cute, and I've drawn many of her things for Jane's lunch notes.
Now I have to decide how to collect those, because I'd like to have them in a little book to flip through and see how my drawings have gotten better (probably a third of the time I do something quick, which means a stick figure Jane!). Every one is dated, and right now they're just in an envelope. I draw on colored post-it notes, so I'm thinking maybe sticking them onto a bigger piece of paper in a grid then putting those in sheet protectors in a 3-ring binder? Will report back when I find a solution that works.
Waking up in the mornings and getting ready -- out the door by 7:20, maybe 7:25 at the latest -- has proven very challenging. Even with a uniform and not really much to do (potty, brush teeth, eat breakfast, get dressed, sunblock, shoes and grab backpack) she makes it take forever with grumpiness. We have her alarm set at 6:14 to give her a full hour to get up and together. It's still sometimes a photo finish!
Jane's school has a cafeteria, but it's like a mini college dining hall in that you have to pay for a full semester or year meal plan. You can't look at the menu and decide to eat 3 of 5 days or even week by week or month by month. We talked about it and decided to pack lunches -- Jane was definitely part of that decision. She was so mad on her first day when many other kids got a hot dog and she had to eat a sandwich.But since I'm packing her lunch every day I'm also including a small drawing and note. I've had a lot of fun drawing things and looking at YouTube videos to learn new sketches. I'm not an artist, but I am a copy cat -- I can sketch simple drawings by looking at them. (Kind of like how I can copy cat things in crochet!) My favorite YouTube channel so far is called Draw So Cute, and I've drawn many of her things for Jane's lunch notes.
Now I have to decide how to collect those, because I'd like to have them in a little book to flip through and see how my drawings have gotten better (probably a third of the time I do something quick, which means a stick figure Jane!). Every one is dated, and right now they're just in an envelope. I draw on colored post-it notes, so I'm thinking maybe sticking them onto a bigger piece of paper in a grid then putting those in sheet protectors in a 3-ring binder? Will report back when I find a solution that works.
A Quarter Year
I haven't published here in three months. I haven't been writing in a journal or otherwise. I still write my weekly emails about the girls, so I have a record of our life somewhere. I tweet and occasionally post on Facebook. But as for long-form writing, I've basically stopped.
But November is coming. And November means NaBloPoMo. Although it doesn't look like BlogHer is doing anything official.
I'm still beyond disgusted with the state of American democracy. Every time I think OK this is the worst it can get the next day it gets a little worse. So that may have something to do with my lack of writing.
I also haven't had as much to do for work, and when I'm less busy I am less productive in other aspects of my life.
I guess I don't have to know why. Just popping in to say that's what it is and that I plan to write every day in November, even if there isn't an official NaBloPoMo group to join.
But November is coming. And November means NaBloPoMo. Although it doesn't look like BlogHer is doing anything official.
I'm still beyond disgusted with the state of American democracy. Every time I think OK this is the worst it can get the next day it gets a little worse. So that may have something to do with my lack of writing.
I also haven't had as much to do for work, and when I'm less busy I am less productive in other aspects of my life.
I guess I don't have to know why. Just popping in to say that's what it is and that I plan to write every day in November, even if there isn't an official NaBloPoMo group to join.
On Saying Goodbye
I'm a member of the United Methodist Church, which is a connectional church and has an itinerant ministry model. Our pastors are moved every so often. Except, of course, in the cases of big churches with big budgets, which get to decide how long they keep their pastors without interference from the regional bishop.
Our church is in the middle of such a transition. Our senior pastor left at the end of June -- moving onto a bigger, better church in New Orleans. Not by his choice, but gone nonetheless. We have a new lead pastor, a woman, which is incredible. But transitions are hard. I like her very much and think it will be for the best somehow -- she's here for this time and this place. But I hate change.
I hadn't been close to a pastor in many years. The last time I remember feeling this bad when a pastor moved on was as a kid when the pastor who baptized me (also a woman!) was moved. I got to see her a few more times during college because she was at a church close to there and I was able to visit her, and I'm sure eventually it wasn't a big deal to go to church without her being there.
But I hadn't opened my heart up like that since, in part due to self-preservation and also because I was the one who kept moving -- college, then grad school, then here for work and there for marriage. Finally here, to Baton Rouge, for my husband's job. I always attended churches -- United Methodist Churches in fact -- but I stayed away from the deep, personal relationships.
So I became more a part of this church, my current church, and work hard alongside the people and the pastor. I counted him as a friend in addition to mentor and guide of sorts. I also just really liked him, enjoyed seeing him at least once a week and hearing his sermons. And he LOVES my kids, which is probably the #1 way to my heart.
So I'm still processing the goodbye. And wondering if it's worth it to make myself open to that kind of pain again. It's one thing when I'm the one moving on and something else completely when I'm the one being left.
I don't know -- these thoughts are certainly diluted by the three weeks of time away from the old pastor and three weeks with the new pastor. And I know things are fine, or they will be soon. This isn't a crisis in the big picture. This just is the way things are...
Our church is in the middle of such a transition. Our senior pastor left at the end of June -- moving onto a bigger, better church in New Orleans. Not by his choice, but gone nonetheless. We have a new lead pastor, a woman, which is incredible. But transitions are hard. I like her very much and think it will be for the best somehow -- she's here for this time and this place. But I hate change.
I hadn't been close to a pastor in many years. The last time I remember feeling this bad when a pastor moved on was as a kid when the pastor who baptized me (also a woman!) was moved. I got to see her a few more times during college because she was at a church close to there and I was able to visit her, and I'm sure eventually it wasn't a big deal to go to church without her being there.
But I hadn't opened my heart up like that since, in part due to self-preservation and also because I was the one who kept moving -- college, then grad school, then here for work and there for marriage. Finally here, to Baton Rouge, for my husband's job. I always attended churches -- United Methodist Churches in fact -- but I stayed away from the deep, personal relationships.
So I became more a part of this church, my current church, and work hard alongside the people and the pastor. I counted him as a friend in addition to mentor and guide of sorts. I also just really liked him, enjoyed seeing him at least once a week and hearing his sermons. And he LOVES my kids, which is probably the #1 way to my heart.
So I'm still processing the goodbye. And wondering if it's worth it to make myself open to that kind of pain again. It's one thing when I'm the one moving on and something else completely when I'm the one being left.
I don't know -- these thoughts are certainly diluted by the three weeks of time away from the old pastor and three weeks with the new pastor. And I know things are fine, or they will be soon. This isn't a crisis in the big picture. This just is the way things are...
What to Expect: Downtown Baton Rouge Fourth of July Fireworks
Online there were a few vague ads for the event, which was sponsored by the USS Kidd, a museum/monument on the Mississippi River. But they mostly focused on the daytime Independence Day activities, and I'm not interested in hauling kids to a full day of things AND staying up late for fireworks (plus the heat, my God, the heat). No information about parking and its cost, traffic plans, bathrooms.
But last night we went anyway.
We left our house just before 7 p.m. -- two hours before the fireworks began. The drive downtown takes about 15 minutes, and we were parked by 7:30 I think. We didn't run into traffic but we did take a couple loops trying to decide on parking. There's a choice -- park far away, maybe pay a little less or park closer and pay $10. We picked the "throw money at it" route and forked over the tenner. No problem. We were a block and a half away from the riverfront, making for an easy walk. There were still plenty of spots, although as we got closer to 9 the lots did fill up. (Jane said "That guy's getting rich!" about the parking lot attendant with his fat roll of cash for making change.)
Some people had parked tail-gate style, with their truck beds facing the river, in a lot just across River Road, the street that runs alongside the river. They could see the fireworks from their trucks and then more quickly get going to beat the crush of traffic after the show ... in theory at least.
When we got downtown in advance of the fireworks display, plenty of people were on the levee, and some had definitely been there for a while. But it wasn't crowded really yet. We were able to get a spot on some grass on the non-river side of the levee's sidewalk, and we were a few blocks north of the USS Kidd where all the days' activities had been.
Jane passed some time climbing down the sloped side of the levee toward the river -- it has big metal letters spelling out Baton Rouge. She did get her shoes completely muddy and gross, even though Shawn told her to stay away from the edge of the river, but that and some ant bites she got were the worst things, and neither was so bad. Livia was a little harder to control, since it was past bedtime and she likes to walk around but it wasn't really safe to let her do so, since the ground slopes on both sides of the sidewalk. It's a more gentle slope on the grassy side toward the road, but it's still a slope.
The weather was pretty much perfect. It was hot, sure, but low 80s probably. There is humidity, yes, but it wasn't super oppressive. There was wind that kept things comfortable. I was expecting to be super hot, but I was much more comfortable than I was the night before at the Kenilworth Independence Day parade. So we were lucky in that aspect.
The crowd thickened after sunset, and there were people constantly strolling along the sidewalk -- even during the show, which began just before 9 p.m. and was about 20 minutes long. We stayed on the grassy side of the sidewalk, since people filled in front of us, but we were all able to see because the fireworks go up so high. We maybe missed seeing some of the water reflections because of the people in front of us, but we still enjoyed the show. (It was the first fireworks for Jane and Livia both!)
Because we timed our coming and going (and because we were lucky I guess) we didn't need a bathroom, and that's a good thing. At the downtown Baton Rouge fireworks display THERE ARE NO BATHROOMS. According to the ads, you could pay $5 for a bathroom pass to the USS Kidd, which seems insane. There are a few restaurants and hotels that were open, and that's where police directed a woman who asked for a bathroom. (Their exact words were first "Good luck" while shrugging their shoulders.) It doesn't seem safe/right/legal to have a huge crowd without some sort of public bathroom facilities. But welcome to Louisiana I suppose.
We took glow bracelets I had left over from Halloween and a light-up toy she got at Mardi Gras. I had bubbles in my pocket but forgot about them. There were people selling waters, and probably closer to the USS Kidd there were more food options. We ate supper at home and brought waters for the girls. There were no bag checks or food police, so having a picnic or snacks would have been fine I'm sure, although a little awkward in the proximity of the sidewalk.The show was good -- not as good as the DC or NYC shows we've seen in the past -- but still worth the trip. The girls liked it, although the booms scared Jane a little. We'd brought noise dampening headphones for both of them, but only Jane wore hers.
Getting back to the car was fine -- I wore Livia and pushed Jane in the stroller while Shawn carried our blanket and stadium seats. (In retrospect, because we parked so close I would have brought the lawn chairs just for the wait -- standing during the show was fine.) We had to maneuver a bit through the crowd, but it was doable.
Once in the car it took a while to exit our spot and then the parking lot. We went one way hoping to exit toward our house and avoid the interstate. We tried three different times and kept hitting road blocks with police funneling people toward the interstate. I get keeping people from coming into the congested area with contraflow, but why would you not let them out in every possible way?!?! Finally we got to Government Street and took that to Park to Perkins and home. It was about 10:20 when we got home, so about 40 minute travel home I think. Livia cried the second half of it, so that wasn't fun.
We got the girls in bed. Jane slept late, but Liv was up at her usual time. She just had a good long nap though, so hopefully we can get back into a regular sleep pattern. I'd advise people without kids, or with kids who can stay up later, to just hang out downtown a little bit to let the traffic thin before heading out.
TLDR; The downtown Baton Rouge fireworks display is worth the hassle. Parking is available -- for a cost. No bathrooms. Some food for purchase, but it seems fine to bring your own. Traffic is congested as expected after the show.
Maternal Separation Anxiety
I'm volunteering for my church's VBS. Jane is in the "levelers" crew for The Maker Fun Factory. It's a pretty cute curriculum, and Jane is very happy and loves being so busy. Livia stays in the nursery, and yesterday, day one, was pretty hard. But only for me!
Livia loves all the toys and probably the attention from the workers. There are only 3-4 kids at any given time and plenty of things to check out and do.
Yesterday I was kind of a wreck, and I hated being away from her. I couldn't just go check on her/get a quick hug because I knew that would mess her up. As soon as I went into the nursery she started saying "BYE! BYE!" to everyone, ready to go. And today she cried a little and handed me her water bottle ready to go. Both days I sat and hung out for a bit before we left for the closing VBS songs.
I know it's normal, and she's exhibiting age appropriate attachment. I am sure I felt this way when I was leaving Jane for the first times. So I'm probably normal too. Today was actually much better, and I didn't feel quite as anxious. Maybe it will get progressively better as the week goes on.
As an aside, I'm the photographer for this event. So I'm just floating around the VBS and taking pictures of kids doing this and that. Both days I've taken nearly 300 photos (yikes!), with about 70-80 being usable. But I feel like it's not a very good contribution. Everyone there has cell phones and could easily take (and are taking) plenty of photos. (Who really needs 70+ photos each day?!)
So that adds to the "why am I even here if I'm not needed?" aspect of things and I could be looking after my own baby. BUT she needs the practice so I can get in a better gym rhythm, although the YMCA child care is a different story and Livia cries when I drop her off, even when Jane is there with her. There are more kids, more stuff and I guess it's just less familiar or something.
Still finding our way... And I guess I'll keep shooting the VBS event. It beats cleaning toilets (which another volunteer did because we have a surplus of volunteers and our custodian is out with lung issues)...
Livia loves all the toys and probably the attention from the workers. There are only 3-4 kids at any given time and plenty of things to check out and do.
Yesterday I was kind of a wreck, and I hated being away from her. I couldn't just go check on her/get a quick hug because I knew that would mess her up. As soon as I went into the nursery she started saying "BYE! BYE!" to everyone, ready to go. And today she cried a little and handed me her water bottle ready to go. Both days I sat and hung out for a bit before we left for the closing VBS songs.
I know it's normal, and she's exhibiting age appropriate attachment. I am sure I felt this way when I was leaving Jane for the first times. So I'm probably normal too. Today was actually much better, and I didn't feel quite as anxious. Maybe it will get progressively better as the week goes on.
As an aside, I'm the photographer for this event. So I'm just floating around the VBS and taking pictures of kids doing this and that. Both days I've taken nearly 300 photos (yikes!), with about 70-80 being usable. But I feel like it's not a very good contribution. Everyone there has cell phones and could easily take (and are taking) plenty of photos. (Who really needs 70+ photos each day?!)
So that adds to the "why am I even here if I'm not needed?" aspect of things and I could be looking after my own baby. BUT she needs the practice so I can get in a better gym rhythm, although the YMCA child care is a different story and Livia cries when I drop her off, even when Jane is there with her. There are more kids, more stuff and I guess it's just less familiar or something.
Still finding our way... And I guess I'll keep shooting the VBS event. It beats cleaning toilets (which another volunteer did because we have a surplus of volunteers and our custodian is out with lung issues)...
Book Notes: Selfish, Shallow, And Self-Absorbed
I read a book of sixteen essays on the choice to not have children. It was pretty interesting, although some of the voices kind of blended together. I obviously made the opposite choice, and I'd bristle at the identity of "breeder" or that having a family is my way of perpetuating the white race (!!). It's a biological imprint and a social construct that really works for me. But man, I'm so tired and some of the arguments laid out for why these writers chose to remain child-free had me nodding my head. (But never doubting my decision for a second of course!)
Anyway, here are few things I highlighted in the Kindle book -- getting them out before I return the e-book to the library.
Perhaps I was kind of a human geode: sparkly and hollow. - Courtney Hodell, "Babes in the Woods" (I just liked this.)
There is nothing more boring for an intelligent woman than to spend endless amounts of time with small children. -Sigrid Nunez, "The Most Important Thing" (I think it might be more boring to spend endless amounts of time with mansplainers, but I certainly get the point!)
I suspect that my commitment to and delight in parenting would be so formidable that it would take precedence over anything and everything else in my life; that my mastery of motherhood would eclipse my need for -- or ability to achieve -- success in any other arena. Basically, I'm afraid of my own competence. -Anna Holmes, "Mommy Fearest" (I've copied down previous Anna Holmes quotes -- she founded Jezebel -- and I think this is true for my approach to motherhood. It's all consuming, and I'm not ALWAYS sure that's a good thing.)
...while life may not have a purpose, it certainly has consequences, one of which is the accumulation of a vast, coastal shelf of uncut, 100-percent-pure regret. -Geoff Dyer, "Over and Out" (a super valid response to the idea that "you'll regret it later" if you don't have kids now/when you're young/whatever)
Anyway, here are few things I highlighted in the Kindle book -- getting them out before I return the e-book to the library.
Perhaps I was kind of a human geode: sparkly and hollow. - Courtney Hodell, "Babes in the Woods" (I just liked this.)
There is nothing more boring for an intelligent woman than to spend endless amounts of time with small children. -Sigrid Nunez, "The Most Important Thing" (I think it might be more boring to spend endless amounts of time with mansplainers, but I certainly get the point!)
I suspect that my commitment to and delight in parenting would be so formidable that it would take precedence over anything and everything else in my life; that my mastery of motherhood would eclipse my need for -- or ability to achieve -- success in any other arena. Basically, I'm afraid of my own competence. -Anna Holmes, "Mommy Fearest" (I've copied down previous Anna Holmes quotes -- she founded Jezebel -- and I think this is true for my approach to motherhood. It's all consuming, and I'm not ALWAYS sure that's a good thing.)
...while life may not have a purpose, it certainly has consequences, one of which is the accumulation of a vast, coastal shelf of uncut, 100-percent-pure regret. -Geoff Dyer, "Over and Out" (a super valid response to the idea that "you'll regret it later" if you don't have kids now/when you're young/whatever)
Birkenstock Repairs
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| Well-loved, ~5-year-old Birkenstock sandals in need of repair |
I bought my Gizeh-style Birkenstock sandals almost five years ago in Berlin, when Jane was just 9-months-old. What an adventure. These were my main souvenir (in addition to some wooden toys and Christmas decorations). They'd started to hurt my feet, with the cork cracked and parts of the soles rubbed flat. The part that touched my feet was disintegrating, or at least it felt that way.
I was torn between buying a replacement pair (the sparkly, blue-looking "snakeskin" style continues to haunt me across the Internet ... thanks, cookies) and paying for them to be re-soled. The cost was essentially the same. But if I didn't get them repaired what would I do -- throw them out? I've worn them so often and for so long. And the tops are still fine -- nice purple leather that just needs a little cleaning. And shiny, purple leather doesn't seem to be an option anymore, not even in purple-crazy LSU country!
I looked around online and found iBirks.com, which had been written about in the New York Times a couple years ago. There were good reviews, and I decided to take a chance. I sent my shoes off on a Tuesday. They arrived at iBirks (in Cincinnati) on Thursday and were back to me on Monday! So the whole thing, including shipping, took less than a week!
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| Birkenstock sandals repaired |
I had ordered "The Package," which included an upgraded/longer lasting heel, leather conditioner and cork sealer. They didn't arrive with my shoes, so I wrote to ask about them. I don't think the heel can be added now (and I'm not sure if it actually is on or not, since I didn't fully understand that). The iBirks.com guy said he'd ship me the missing conditioner and sealer, so they should be here soon.
I can certainly tell a difference in the shoes, and it's taking a while for me to break them in. I'm wearing them as much as I dare. I think I read just 2 hours a day until you've worn them a few hours. At first they felt so tight because my feet were back up so close to the straps and I was used to them being very loose and floppy (realizing now I can adjust the buckles to keep them tight as the soles wear down). The new soles look great -- the cork and the nonslip base part. The leather uppers weren't actually cleaned (another thing listed in the package), but I have wiped them down and they feel like mine anyway.
Soon enough these will be my most comfortable shoes again!
Tales of a Preschool Room Mom
When Jane started preschool three years ago I signed up to be one of
her class room moms because the teacher said something like "it's really
easy to do it now when they're small" ... and that was true. The
time/energy input was very minimal. I can't remember anything I did
except the teacher gave me an orchid plant at the end as a thank you
(which promptly died because I have black thumbs).
We switched schools after that year, just because Jane became old enough and got accepted into the university's preschool program. I was pregnant so didn't act as room mom last year, but this year, her second in the program I did volunteer.
There was not a whole lot to do, because the teachers manage most everything. But the teacher appreciation stuff led to some work, not so much in time investment but stress and annoyance (and money). The school's parent committee did a center-wide effort to give the teachers' lunches during the week, but they needed money for that. I also needed to ask for money for our class teacher gifts (the whole school decided to just do the same thing -- Visa gift cards -- which is smart and surely more appreciated than tchotckes). The mom in charge of that center-wide effort certainly had more work to do than me, but my part with our class was certainly enough for me.
In reality it was just a few emails, accepting the money from people and then buying the cards and gift cards. I also took a class picture because the center didn't do photo day this year. A couple things I learned that could be helpful for other room parents:
We had almost 100% participation in the teacher gift. I put all the kids' names on the card of course though! The amount of money varied from $10 up to $65! The one family that didn't give was surprising to me, and it was hard to restrain myself from directly asking that mom to be sure she'd received my emails asking for the donations! In the end we collected $400, to be split between our two teachers. Not a bad thank you gift!
We switched schools after that year, just because Jane became old enough and got accepted into the university's preschool program. I was pregnant so didn't act as room mom last year, but this year, her second in the program I did volunteer.
There was not a whole lot to do, because the teachers manage most everything. But the teacher appreciation stuff led to some work, not so much in time investment but stress and annoyance (and money). The school's parent committee did a center-wide effort to give the teachers' lunches during the week, but they needed money for that. I also needed to ask for money for our class teacher gifts (the whole school decided to just do the same thing -- Visa gift cards -- which is smart and surely more appreciated than tchotckes). The mom in charge of that center-wide effort certainly had more work to do than me, but my part with our class was certainly enough for me.
In reality it was just a few emails, accepting the money from people and then buying the cards and gift cards. I also took a class picture because the center didn't do photo day this year. A couple things I learned that could be helpful for other room parents:
- PayPal does not take a percentage of money when it's marked as a gift. This was a gift for our teachers, so no ethical concerns either. I had assumed PayPal would reduce the money for the teachers and discouraged people from using that (just give me cash or check directly). But some did anyway and there was no problem. It was much easier for all involved, since I could just transfer it into my bank account. If I ever do that again I will definitely ask people to just do PayPal!
- The bank sells Visa gift cards, at least our credit union does. And they only cost $2.50 each. At a store, where I intended to buy them, they'd be at least $6 each! That was a good tip from another mom who had been room mom before, and I'm glad she told me that!
We had almost 100% participation in the teacher gift. I put all the kids' names on the card of course though! The amount of money varied from $10 up to $65! The one family that didn't give was surprising to me, and it was hard to restrain myself from directly asking that mom to be sure she'd received my emails asking for the donations! In the end we collected $400, to be split between our two teachers. Not a bad thank you gift!
A Day Without A Woman: What is Labor?
I'm "on strike" today, although I can't fully release myself from child care. Partly because I'm a nursing mom and partly because someone's gotta do it and it might as well be me. Shawn is leaning into housework and child care otherwise though. And we're all wearing red! And not spending any money today.
It's made me think about what labor is, since some things I do for myself, just general self care. I'd make a meal for myself if I didn't have the family to labor for. (To get around it I made a casserole yesterday that we can just heat and eat.) I'd also make my bed, so I made my half and Shawn made his half - LOL!
Does blogging count as labor? You could say I'm a small, woman-owned business, which is one of the exceptions for where strikers can shop. Even if it does count as labor, I'm still writing because I want to mark this day.
When talking about it with Jane (and fighting with her about wearing red instead of her favorite Avenger's shirt), I explained that boys and girls are equal, and we deserve equal pay for equal work. She quickly asked about Donald Trump, and I explained that this particular issue existed before him and will after him too.
Crochet: White Baby Blanket
I finished this blanket just before its intended baby was born, but I didn't get it in the mail quickly enough. Today it will be on its way to the new baby boy! (We didn't know he was a boy before he's born.)
This is kind of a mishmash blanket. I did the ripple/chevron pattern from a baby pattern book, and I didn't like the number so set it at seven on the up, seven on the down. This has ridges created by front-post and back-post double crochets. I did the pattern of which rows have which stitches based on this Red Heart afghan.
After I finished the sizing was off -- it wasn't wide enough for a real baby blanket. SO I added some border stitches, using the same front/back post stitches to make the ridges. And I finished off with reverse single crochet that makes a similar ridge/rope-like edge.
So it's a little wonky but is one of a kind. And it was made with love and prayer for the life of this special boy.
Taking Up Space
I've been watching Roseanne reruns on this over-the-air channel called Laff. I really like the show -- something I watched as a kid and probably didn't "get" most of it. I laugh during every episode and some of the "viewer discretion advised" storylines are relevant still (abortion, racism, abuse, gay marriage).
One thing I like too is the daughters -- Darlene and Becky -- and how they're not wearing skimpy clothes or lots of make up. They look like regular people, and at least at the start of the series before plastic surgery so does Roseanne. Part of the clothing choices was due to the 90s I guess, when flannel and jeans were in, but I'm sure it was also a conscious decision on the part of the creators. One guest star was the opposite of "regular" when Traci Lords played a waitress for a few episodes. In one she wore a tight blue dress and looked so thin relative to the other characters that I took notice. It made me start thinking about what it would be like be so small and to take up so little space.
Within a couple days this post, The Trash Heap Has Spoken, came up in an email newsletter I read. It was really speaking to some of the thoughts I was having -- what does it mean to be in a body that's "too" big. I've been living in a big body as long as I can remember. Even when it's smaller it always feels big -- I felt big as young as maybe 10. But maybe it would be OK to be fat like this:
One thing I like too is the daughters -- Darlene and Becky -- and how they're not wearing skimpy clothes or lots of make up. They look like regular people, and at least at the start of the series before plastic surgery so does Roseanne. Part of the clothing choices was due to the 90s I guess, when flannel and jeans were in, but I'm sure it was also a conscious decision on the part of the creators. One guest star was the opposite of "regular" when Traci Lords played a waitress for a few episodes. In one she wore a tight blue dress and looked so thin relative to the other characters that I took notice. It made me start thinking about what it would be like be so small and to take up so little space.
Within a couple days this post, The Trash Heap Has Spoken, came up in an email newsletter I read. It was really speaking to some of the thoughts I was having -- what does it mean to be in a body that's "too" big. I've been living in a big body as long as I can remember. Even when it's smaller it always feels big -- I felt big as young as maybe 10. But maybe it would be OK to be fat like this:
Unapologetic fat women embrace the philosophy of displacement. They manifest the audacity of space-taking. They cleave the very air. This is not just fatness of the body, it is fatness of the mind. If you have a fat body, you take up room by default. If you have a fat mind, you choose to take up room.In high school I was a perfectly fine size, and as an athlete I was the healthiest I could ever hope to be. But I was still bigger than a lot of the girls. One was size 5 -- not sure how that came up, but you know everyone knows everything in locker rooms. I was size 11, and I looked at her and at me and said "even if I lost a ton of weight I doubt my bones would even be that small for me to be a size 5." She said "oh I'm sure you could." She meant it as a kind thing, and in the moment/actual conversation that's how I took it. But obviously remembering it across twenty (20!) years it hasn't settled as something good.
Mardi Gras Mambo
Heard this for the first time today, and Jane and I can't stop singing it! It was perfect, on the way to her Trike-a-thon at school. Really need to replace my regular camera lens, as I didn't get too many good photos with my longer lens!
Nightmare Scenario: Parade Danger
From The Advocate, our local newspaper, Child dies after being struck by float in Abbeville's Martin Luther King Day parade:
I watched a story about it on one of our local TV stations last night. It was not the lead story (that went to a rash of break ins at our university's football stadium -- WTF/who cares), and it was just as short. There was a picture of the child and a bit of interview with a grieving relative. But nothing about taking steps to ensure safety of other children at future parades (we have parades so often in Louisiana it is ridiculous). There was basically no real reporting at all (in either media).
If this child were white the reporting would have been different. Lead story, more complex reporting with an eye to stopping this type of tragedy in the future. The distance of the town from Baton Rouge doesn't matter. They do huge packages about little towns when there's a sensational crime So I can only surmise that this coverage is light because of the child's race.
There's no reporting even on the number of other children/people who have died at parades (and you know there have been others). Asking parade organizers at the upcoming Mardi Gras parades for their take on the loss and how they'll be improving safety to avoid that at their parades. That kind of thing.
I didn't think I had the capacity to care about things that aren't strictly national politics with the dumpster fire that's going on in Washington, but obviously I do. And this is awful and scary. I hate that a family has to deal with the loss of a child over candy.
A child struck by a float during the Martin Luther King Jr. Day Parade Monday in Abbeville has died.
...
Witnesses say the child was struck by the vehicle pulling the float after entering the roadway for a piece of candy or throw. No barricades were placed along the roadway during the parade.There's a bit more to the story, with a little shaming of the mom (she was watching other children in addition to this one), but basically five paragraphs about this nightmare scenario.
I watched a story about it on one of our local TV stations last night. It was not the lead story (that went to a rash of break ins at our university's football stadium -- WTF/who cares), and it was just as short. There was a picture of the child and a bit of interview with a grieving relative. But nothing about taking steps to ensure safety of other children at future parades (we have parades so often in Louisiana it is ridiculous). There was basically no real reporting at all (in either media).
If this child were white the reporting would have been different. Lead story, more complex reporting with an eye to stopping this type of tragedy in the future. The distance of the town from Baton Rouge doesn't matter. They do huge packages about little towns when there's a sensational crime So I can only surmise that this coverage is light because of the child's race.
There's no reporting even on the number of other children/people who have died at parades (and you know there have been others). Asking parade organizers at the upcoming Mardi Gras parades for their take on the loss and how they'll be improving safety to avoid that at their parades. That kind of thing.
I didn't think I had the capacity to care about things that aren't strictly national politics with the dumpster fire that's going on in Washington, but obviously I do. And this is awful and scary. I hate that a family has to deal with the loss of a child over candy.
Second Verse, Same as the First
Jane is still not a dancer.
She has done much better in this new dance class we tried out at our local recreation park system. But there have been problems of a different sort.
Basically the teacher has a conflict in her regular job, and with traffic she can't arrive to the class on time at 5 p.m. So she moved the class start time to 5:15 p.m. She often doesn't arrive until 5:30 p.m. And then class still ends around 6 p.m. because there's an older girls' class that starts then (although she said she moved that class start time to 6:15 p.m. too). Some of the older girls start arriving at 5:45, which means Jane's class can be as short as 15 minutes without any distraction.
Jane's unable to show me too much of what she's learned. She enjoyed the class though. There was supposed to be a parent watch evening, but we never even got to do that because the teacher was THAT disorganized. I'm disappointed to have put more time and effort into this and still have no photos or recital experience to show for it. But we're moving on.
(And of course I'd already paid for the recital/costume fee, but they said it can be refunded ... if nothing else they could pass it along to another student I think as a scholarship. It's not ideal, but I deserve some consequence for the mistake of paying in advance!)
Jane's going to try a theater program instead. She's in basketball too this season, so she has an athletic activity and an arts activity. Soon she can start piano lessons, which she's interested in. There's just so much we'd like her to do and not enough time to do it all!
Can our lives really continue like this? Will our world still keep turning after inauguration day? What about after the first nuclear bomb is sent? Does it matter if America crumbles around us? I am so worried and sick about it ... but I still have a preschooler who has activities, a baby who is developing gorgeously and my usual gripes, physical problems (wrist/carpal tunnel lately as the sinus stuff finally clears out I hope) and TV TV TV to watch (OMG Sherlock!). These are my golden days, and they are almost over...
She has done much better in this new dance class we tried out at our local recreation park system. But there have been problems of a different sort.
Basically the teacher has a conflict in her regular job, and with traffic she can't arrive to the class on time at 5 p.m. So she moved the class start time to 5:15 p.m. She often doesn't arrive until 5:30 p.m. And then class still ends around 6 p.m. because there's an older girls' class that starts then (although she said she moved that class start time to 6:15 p.m. too). Some of the older girls start arriving at 5:45, which means Jane's class can be as short as 15 minutes without any distraction.
Jane's unable to show me too much of what she's learned. She enjoyed the class though. There was supposed to be a parent watch evening, but we never even got to do that because the teacher was THAT disorganized. I'm disappointed to have put more time and effort into this and still have no photos or recital experience to show for it. But we're moving on.
(And of course I'd already paid for the recital/costume fee, but they said it can be refunded ... if nothing else they could pass it along to another student I think as a scholarship. It's not ideal, but I deserve some consequence for the mistake of paying in advance!)
Jane's going to try a theater program instead. She's in basketball too this season, so she has an athletic activity and an arts activity. Soon she can start piano lessons, which she's interested in. There's just so much we'd like her to do and not enough time to do it all!
Can our lives really continue like this? Will our world still keep turning after inauguration day? What about after the first nuclear bomb is sent? Does it matter if America crumbles around us? I am so worried and sick about it ... but I still have a preschooler who has activities, a baby who is developing gorgeously and my usual gripes, physical problems (wrist/carpal tunnel lately as the sinus stuff finally clears out I hope) and TV TV TV to watch (OMG Sherlock!). These are my golden days, and they are almost over...
Messy Bun Hat
My sister talked about a coworker who knits these, and I said I could make her one. I just started the hat around a hair rubber band and added a flower. There are endless possibilities -- including the vertical stripe hat that starts as a tube and is finished with single crochet at the top. This was just the quickest way to get it done since she was just visiting for a couple days. Now she'll have warm ears when she's doing carpool duty at school.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
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| Messy Bun Hat Front |
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| Messy Bun Hat Side |
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| Messy Bun Hat Back |
Church Service without Worship
Our church had a "Lessons & Carols" service this past Sunday, and something about it has irked me ever since. It took me a couple days to realize what bothered me.
It was a well-attended service. There were extra chairs added to our gym-turned-sanctuary (while construction is under way in the actual sanctuary), and with only one service instead of two it was definitely packed even with regulars. There were also lots of guests.
The music and readings were beautiful and meaningful.
But my complaint (?) was that there was no congregational response. There was one line of response after the lighting of the Advent wreath candles, but we didn't even sing "Emmanuel" as response as we have all of this Advent (and Advents past, if memory serves).
The congregation sang no carols. We did no responsive reading. There was no communion. (I go to 8:30 service and we have communion every week.) There wasn't even a formal prayer. (I do understand music can be a form of prayer though.)
Basically it was a performance in the strictest sense of the word. We didn't even stand up the entire service.
So I've felt a little off this week. I didn't have a communal worship experience. And I guess it shows me that I've come to rely on that grounding, especially in times like these. I haven't said anything to the people who plan worship, but hopefully someone else will and they'll realize that next year's service like this needs more participation. Last year's "Lessons & Carols" did include congregational responses, prayers, etc.
I'll be glad to get back to regularly scheduled programming in the new year.
It was a well-attended service. There were extra chairs added to our gym-turned-sanctuary (while construction is under way in the actual sanctuary), and with only one service instead of two it was definitely packed even with regulars. There were also lots of guests.
The music and readings were beautiful and meaningful.
But my complaint (?) was that there was no congregational response. There was one line of response after the lighting of the Advent wreath candles, but we didn't even sing "Emmanuel" as response as we have all of this Advent (and Advents past, if memory serves).
The congregation sang no carols. We did no responsive reading. There was no communion. (I go to 8:30 service and we have communion every week.) There wasn't even a formal prayer. (I do understand music can be a form of prayer though.)
Basically it was a performance in the strictest sense of the word. We didn't even stand up the entire service.
So I've felt a little off this week. I didn't have a communal worship experience. And I guess it shows me that I've come to rely on that grounding, especially in times like these. I haven't said anything to the people who plan worship, but hopefully someone else will and they'll realize that next year's service like this needs more participation. Last year's "Lessons & Carols" did include congregational responses, prayers, etc.
I'll be glad to get back to regularly scheduled programming in the new year.
Ketchup
Living in a post-truth world... Silly Mari edition.
On Saturday I burned the roof of my mouth. REALLY badly -- like blisters badly. On some caramel I made for candy for church coffee time. Among the stupidest things I've ever done ... and that is saying something.
So, I happened to have a dentist appointment this week and my mouth is still all messed up. Healing but painful. I explained to the hygienist that I'd burned my mouth before she got to work. She asked "did you burn it on pizza?" And I said YES! Like, what is wrong with me?!?!
AND THEN when the dentist came in later I had to tell him, and I had to SAY the word pizza. And he asked me if it was homemade (and I said YES, because the caramel was???). Gah!
So, fake news from me. Totally not the same as pizza gate (although OMG pizza is a connecting factor!), but good grief.
This served NO purpose other than me being completely awkward. Is caramel somehow more embarrassing than pizza? I am the dumbest.
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I ordered way too few Christmas cards, as I was so mad and still am. But I decided to send out more than the 40 cards I bought. So ... conundrum. It's too late to order more photo cards. So I just bought some Hallmark cards at Walgreen's and some wallet size pictures of the girls to slip in. Ca-CHING. That's $15, so at least as much as it would have cost to buy 40 more cards (in the first place/during the Cyber Monday sales). Maybe next year I'll be back to myself?
I have addressed all the envelopes but need to sign the cards and stuff them, then stamp them. Oh, and I don't have enough stamps so I'll have to go to the post office AGAIN and buy even more. Meh.
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After getting well from the flu during my birthday I promptly got a stomach bug and was throwing up (and more) the following weekend. It took several days to feel back to normal after that. And then less than a week later Jane got a cold, then Livia got sick (she'd just gotten over a double ear infection) and her eye was all messed up. She had conjunctivitis, but drops have helped that go away. Jane is still fighting her virus or whatever. And wouldn't you know it, I am getting sick too. Shawn has a sore throat too. I don't think it's going to be as bad, but we'll see. That's THREE illnesses in about three weeks (since Thanksgiving). My poor body.
On Saturday I burned the roof of my mouth. REALLY badly -- like blisters badly. On some caramel I made for candy for church coffee time. Among the stupidest things I've ever done ... and that is saying something.
So, I happened to have a dentist appointment this week and my mouth is still all messed up. Healing but painful. I explained to the hygienist that I'd burned my mouth before she got to work. She asked "did you burn it on pizza?" And I said YES! Like, what is wrong with me?!?!
AND THEN when the dentist came in later I had to tell him, and I had to SAY the word pizza. And he asked me if it was homemade (and I said YES, because the caramel was???). Gah!
So, fake news from me. Totally not the same as pizza gate (although OMG pizza is a connecting factor!), but good grief.
This served NO purpose other than me being completely awkward. Is caramel somehow more embarrassing than pizza? I am the dumbest.
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I ordered way too few Christmas cards, as I was so mad and still am. But I decided to send out more than the 40 cards I bought. So ... conundrum. It's too late to order more photo cards. So I just bought some Hallmark cards at Walgreen's and some wallet size pictures of the girls to slip in. Ca-CHING. That's $15, so at least as much as it would have cost to buy 40 more cards (in the first place/during the Cyber Monday sales). Maybe next year I'll be back to myself?
I have addressed all the envelopes but need to sign the cards and stuff them, then stamp them. Oh, and I don't have enough stamps so I'll have to go to the post office AGAIN and buy even more. Meh.
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After getting well from the flu during my birthday I promptly got a stomach bug and was throwing up (and more) the following weekend. It took several days to feel back to normal after that. And then less than a week later Jane got a cold, then Livia got sick (she'd just gotten over a double ear infection) and her eye was all messed up. She had conjunctivitis, but drops have helped that go away. Jane is still fighting her virus or whatever. And wouldn't you know it, I am getting sick too. Shawn has a sore throat too. I don't think it's going to be as bad, but we'll see. That's THREE illnesses in about three weeks (since Thanksgiving). My poor body.
Three Little Monkeys in Crochet
Jane liked them so much that she said she'd like a monkey hat too. She also looked at my book and said she'd like a snow man one. I should look through my completed hats and see if I have one of those done already!
Livia's been rocking Jane's pumpkin hat, but I should make her something more seasonal. We only "need" hats around here occasionally. Yesterday was one of those days. We'll be traveling in December/January to Shawn's family's town and it will be colder there so she'll definitely need something warm.
Nine Years of NaBloPoMo
I looked at my NaBloPoMo tag on my blog and realized I had 299 posts with that tag. Today's makes 300. Divide 30 days in November and that would mean I've been doing it for 10 years? I just checked and nope. I must have tagged more than just the first post of the day, because I started in 2008, so this makes the ninth year completed. Weird to have completed exactly 30 extra posts. (Here's my first NaBloPoMo tagged post.)
This may have been the hardest year to do NaBloPoMo. Everything is just so awful and terrible. I say that knowing full well 2017 will bring even bigger, more awful challenges. I hope I'm still able to write next year!
I also realize in some of my ranting posts I don't cite or link sources. My journalistic muscle is rusty maybe, or I'm also realizing that no one cares about facts or the truth or more information. NO ONE CARES.
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I have been on two big vacations with my inlaws. We went to Dollywood in Tennessee and to the Outer Banks in North Carolina in summer 2014 and 2015 respectively. This year the area we stayed in North Carolina received a major flood, and just this week the area we stayed in Gatlinburg is burning.
I think for the sake of the places we'd go visit I should never go on vacation with my inlaws again???
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My health is improving. I still cough a bit in the night, but not as much. There's hacking up junk in the morning, but it's not green anymore. (TMI?) My back is still sore, but the pain isn't debilitating anymore. I should still see a chiropractor.
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When I was in college a friend from church called me "Governor" a lot. I was a smart kid and just all around promising I guess. I certainly had a superiority complex (mixed with an inferiority one!) and this surely fed into it. I've been thinking about it recently, whether running for office is something I could consider doing. I'd be a terrible direct-ask fundraiser, and I am not the best at talking to people. I hate giving speeches or being in front of a crowd. Probably a behind-the-scenes job would be better. And my communications skills and journalism training should be useful in a political situation. Basically I am thinking by typing ... considering what I might do after my girls are in school or otherwise cared for enough that I could jump back into the working world. I know I don't want a "normal" job anymore. There's going to have to be political meaning, and frankly I'm going to want to spend my time RESISTING what's coming (and which by that time will be fully entrenched).
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Hold me!
This may have been the hardest year to do NaBloPoMo. Everything is just so awful and terrible. I say that knowing full well 2017 will bring even bigger, more awful challenges. I hope I'm still able to write next year!
I also realize in some of my ranting posts I don't cite or link sources. My journalistic muscle is rusty maybe, or I'm also realizing that no one cares about facts or the truth or more information. NO ONE CARES.
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I have been on two big vacations with my inlaws. We went to Dollywood in Tennessee and to the Outer Banks in North Carolina in summer 2014 and 2015 respectively. This year the area we stayed in North Carolina received a major flood, and just this week the area we stayed in Gatlinburg is burning.
I think for the sake of the places we'd go visit I should never go on vacation with my inlaws again???
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My health is improving. I still cough a bit in the night, but not as much. There's hacking up junk in the morning, but it's not green anymore. (TMI?) My back is still sore, but the pain isn't debilitating anymore. I should still see a chiropractor.
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When I was in college a friend from church called me "Governor" a lot. I was a smart kid and just all around promising I guess. I certainly had a superiority complex (mixed with an inferiority one!) and this surely fed into it. I've been thinking about it recently, whether running for office is something I could consider doing. I'd be a terrible direct-ask fundraiser, and I am not the best at talking to people. I hate giving speeches or being in front of a crowd. Probably a behind-the-scenes job would be better. And my communications skills and journalism training should be useful in a political situation. Basically I am thinking by typing ... considering what I might do after my girls are in school or otherwise cared for enough that I could jump back into the working world. I know I don't want a "normal" job anymore. There's going to have to be political meaning, and frankly I'm going to want to spend my time RESISTING what's coming (and which by that time will be fully entrenched).
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Hold me!
Not Ready to Make Nice.
I really liked this post, No, We Don't Have to "Get Over" Anything.
(The Secretary of Education is particularly troubling, and we need to call and write our members of Congress to express our displeasure. She has no experience and is anti-public schools. If you have kids who go to school or did go to school, if you are a public school teacher or love a public school teacher, or if you just care about how we educate our kids in the U.S. this should matter to you!)
We also learn more about the admitted corruption in DT's past -- the foundation, the Trump University settlement -- and they pile on so fast that they get glossed over and kind of disappear in the mist. And we are seeing the corruption and wrongheadedness coming on our future. The future wherein our president uses his office and our nation to make himself, his family and his loyalists even richer at the expense of our nation's interests and safety. I still can't get over people voting for this. Even more baffling is people STILL insisting this will be a good thing. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Also the weird tweets and retweets. Are they sign of instability? Sign of regret (because doing this kind of thing with ANY OTHER JOB would get a person fired)? I certainly question the random tweets about flag burning becoming punishable by a year in jail or LOSING YOUR CITIZENSHIP?!?!?! (Supreme Court ruled it's a form of protected free speech, see the First Amendment.) That's wrong and scary. And the tweets came about after a segment on Fox News about flag burning -- this is what our country has come to. The president-elect watching cable news and tweeting while turning away actual national intelligence briefers.
What's ironic to me is that the correct way to retire a flag that is tattered and torn is to ... BURN IT in a special ceremony. I know that's not what protestors are doing and they're giving the finger to America by burning our flag. It's not something I would do myself, and I go around chasing Jane with her little flags from school making sure they don't stay on the ground once dropped (Girl Scout training alert!!!). But I still believe it's just a flag and it isn't magic.
So I'm still boiling over with anger about the election results. With terror. And trying to come up with actions and to gear myself up to actually call my representative and senators, all of whom are white, Republican men who vocally support DT and his policies. I am sure the staff would be polite, but I don't like using the phone for anything ... let alone something this big and important. It's anxiety leveling up.
I assume DT supporters aren't getting the same information or are choosing to interpret things differently? I just don't understand how support doesn't waver in a rational person's mind? But then I didn't think rational people could actually vote for him in the first place, as they voted against their own interests (unless their interest is white supremacy and/or no material support for poor people).
I hate everything about this.
I’m not okay with this.
I’m not getting over it.
I’m not going to accept it.
I’m not going to move on.
I’m not going to shut up.
I’m not going to make nice or give the benefit of the doubt or hold my tongue or fake unity or pretend that my eyes don’t see what they see. They see clearly, and that of course is the source of my burden. I don’t want to see this, but I do.Day by day new crazy things happen. Each new appointment brings a new awfulness to the scene.
(The Secretary of Education is particularly troubling, and we need to call and write our members of Congress to express our displeasure. She has no experience and is anti-public schools. If you have kids who go to school or did go to school, if you are a public school teacher or love a public school teacher, or if you just care about how we educate our kids in the U.S. this should matter to you!)
We also learn more about the admitted corruption in DT's past -- the foundation, the Trump University settlement -- and they pile on so fast that they get glossed over and kind of disappear in the mist. And we are seeing the corruption and wrongheadedness coming on our future. The future wherein our president uses his office and our nation to make himself, his family and his loyalists even richer at the expense of our nation's interests and safety. I still can't get over people voting for this. Even more baffling is people STILL insisting this will be a good thing. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Also the weird tweets and retweets. Are they sign of instability? Sign of regret (because doing this kind of thing with ANY OTHER JOB would get a person fired)? I certainly question the random tweets about flag burning becoming punishable by a year in jail or LOSING YOUR CITIZENSHIP?!?!?! (Supreme Court ruled it's a form of protected free speech, see the First Amendment.) That's wrong and scary. And the tweets came about after a segment on Fox News about flag burning -- this is what our country has come to. The president-elect watching cable news and tweeting while turning away actual national intelligence briefers.
What's ironic to me is that the correct way to retire a flag that is tattered and torn is to ... BURN IT in a special ceremony. I know that's not what protestors are doing and they're giving the finger to America by burning our flag. It's not something I would do myself, and I go around chasing Jane with her little flags from school making sure they don't stay on the ground once dropped (Girl Scout training alert!!!). But I still believe it's just a flag and it isn't magic.
So I'm still boiling over with anger about the election results. With terror. And trying to come up with actions and to gear myself up to actually call my representative and senators, all of whom are white, Republican men who vocally support DT and his policies. I am sure the staff would be polite, but I don't like using the phone for anything ... let alone something this big and important. It's anxiety leveling up.
I assume DT supporters aren't getting the same information or are choosing to interpret things differently? I just don't understand how support doesn't waver in a rational person's mind? But then I didn't think rational people could actually vote for him in the first place, as they voted against their own interests (unless their interest is white supremacy and/or no material support for poor people).
I hate everything about this.
Read: Murder in the Bayou
Murder in the Bayou: Who Killed the Women Known as the Jeff Davis 8? by Ethan BrownThis book is kind of terrifying, chronicling the unchecked power held by parish sheriffs. I'm sure not all are corrupt, but the author has revealed illegal actions in this parish's department. This isn't close to where I live in Louisiana, but then it's not a very big state.
As far as the book itself I could have used more details about the victims. I read another reviewer say something similar. There was just nothing personal about them. So they were drug users and sex workers, that was certainly repeated frequently. But what else? In most cases we didn't even know their races. I found this troubling throughout the book to not know the races of most of the people being discussed. Pictures of the victims would have been helpful too. And thinking about some of them left children behind ... maybe a count of how many motherless children there now are thanks to the criminal enterprise that, if not run by was at least condoned by the law enforcement of the parish. Just because the killings have stopped doesn't mean the illegal behavior has -- dope for sex, etc.
And woah, Boustany's involvement. I'm so glad he didn't make the run off, although I'm none too thrilled about creepy John Neely Kennedy. I'm a Foster Campbell voter, even though he doesn't align with my political ideals perfectly either. The allegation of Boustany's visits to prostitutes who were later killed was damning. I'm not sure I heard anything about it while he was in the primary. But I tuned out a lot of it. Yuck.
Anyway, a timely read even if it did make me feel bad.
View all my reviews
Edit to add: wow, this is my 1600th post.
Crocheted Blue & Orange Dino Hat
Yesterday I finished a dinosaur hat for a friend. It's his birthday today -- he is 3! I still might add braided ties to the ear flaps, although Jane says they aren't needed and I kind of like the hat how it is. I still need to wash it to rid it of any lingering cold germs.
I hope I'll get to see the friend later this week to give him the present. Last month I'd babysat for him and his siblings (I had five kids for about an hour -- including two babies -- and I survived!), and I'd asked him if he'd like a dino hat and if yes what color. He chose blue with orange spikes.
We weren't invited to his party even though his mom told me about it -- it was weird because we always come to his older brother's (he and Jane are the same age/long time friends). We met at the park a couple weeks ago and were comparing notes on renting bounce houses. She told me they were getting one for little brother's party, where they were having it but not exactly when/what time. So I didn't push it or ask anything else. Kind of a delicate social awkwardness that I find myself in plenty...
Excuse the mess in the background -- good grief.
I hope I'll get to see the friend later this week to give him the present. Last month I'd babysat for him and his siblings (I had five kids for about an hour -- including two babies -- and I survived!), and I'd asked him if he'd like a dino hat and if yes what color. He chose blue with orange spikes.
We weren't invited to his party even though his mom told me about it -- it was weird because we always come to his older brother's (he and Jane are the same age/long time friends). We met at the park a couple weeks ago and were comparing notes on renting bounce houses. She told me they were getting one for little brother's party, where they were having it but not exactly when/what time. So I didn't push it or ask anything else. Kind of a delicate social awkwardness that I find myself in plenty...
Excuse the mess in the background -- good grief.
This is 36
I had a rough night with chills and hot flashes. I feel some better this morning, but not great. I need to be healthy tomorrow to go to church. I'm reading the Scripture. D'oh.
I've lived away from Indiahoma as long as I lived there (approximately). I moved away when 18, and it's 18 years later. That includes living in Stillwater for school and coming home for summers. I guess it's not fully true until the same time I left, which would be next August. But the symmetry of 18 and 18 feels significant anyway.
We don't have plans today. Not sure if we'll do anything. I don't have a present to open, although Jane has been drawing me pictures and Shawn made me a card with pictures of the girls. I didn't even buy myself anything this year!
Edit to add: My mom DID leave me a present to open! I just didn't know it was there. xoxoxo
Phoning it in
I finally got a hair cut today -- just before I turn 36. My back is a little better, but I'm still pretty sick with my flu symptoms. I have aches and shift from chills to hot flashes. My head hasn't stopped hurting and I have a fever. Can't imagine how I'd be feeling if I weren't taking ibuprofen at every chance I can.
Thank goodness for the world's best husband picking up the slack. The house may be crumbing around us, because I was behind on cleaning anyway. I can't imagine getting out the Christmas stuff or dealing with that, but I hope when I feel physically better I will.
Ugh.
Generation Catalano
I have the flu or something. And I hurt my back while making Thanksgiving lunch. I moved my heavy Kitchen-Aid, but didn't notice anything. A bit later I was hunched over rifling through a drawer of our dining room hutch for a gravy spoon and OUCH. I stayed hunched. I powered through lunch and then fed Livi, took a rest with her until the sun woke us up. Then Gingie (thank the Lord for Gingie) watched the girls while I laid on a heating pad for an hour. (Shawn was out of town/coming home from a family funeral.)
I'm still pretty sick and my fever has spiked to 102. Advil should bring it down ... I hope? I don't know. I feel like crap. And my back still hurts.
Hey - I wrote about wanting my insides to match my outsides ... but I guess this is more like my insides matching my other insides (physical and emotional)? Ugh.
One good thing I read on Twitter today: The Agony & The Angst: An Oral History of My So-Called Life.
Proud to be generation Catalano, but I was sad that the interview didn't include Claire Danes, Jared Leto or A.J. Langer. The first two are too popular now I guess to talk about something they did so way back, and Langer married someone in another country and is out of the public eye basically.
SO - NaBloPoMo complete for today. Really hoping I get well enough to get a hair cut tomorrow afternoon.
I'm still pretty sick and my fever has spiked to 102. Advil should bring it down ... I hope? I don't know. I feel like crap. And my back still hurts.
Hey - I wrote about wanting my insides to match my outsides ... but I guess this is more like my insides matching my other insides (physical and emotional)? Ugh.
One good thing I read on Twitter today: The Agony & The Angst: An Oral History of My So-Called Life.
Proud to be generation Catalano, but I was sad that the interview didn't include Claire Danes, Jared Leto or A.J. Langer. The first two are too popular now I guess to talk about something they did so way back, and Langer married someone in another country and is out of the public eye basically.
SO - NaBloPoMo complete for today. Really hoping I get well enough to get a hair cut tomorrow afternoon.
Thanksgiving Prep
Last year I wrote detailed posts about my Thanksgiving menu and the cooking/prep process. Today has been a busy day with prep and cooking. I didn't take any pictures of the food. The menu is basically the same, although I'm not making the broccoli salad (it's never been as good as it was the first year I made it), and I'm giving up on homemade rolls. They're amazing, but store-bought brown-n-serve will be just fine too.
I'm tired. Was on my feet a lot. Last year I was pregnant and had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes for about a month while I was doing the Thanksgiving cooking. I was on my feet and busy all morning. I'd had my snack but I still felt weird. That's the only scary episode I had during the pregnancy, and I kind of blacked out -- not fully but everything went black/I lost vision while I stumbled to the table and sat down. I couldn't stop laughing after I recovered. But it scared Shawn. I was very pale too. Nothing like that happened today, of course. I'm healthy-ish.
I am not in a cheery, holiday mood. I don't know how I'm going to celebrate Christmas. It's not going to be the same. I am looking forward to Advent -- sitting in the dark, waiting for the light. And I hope and pray the the miracle comes to me again anew. At the very least I'll be going through the motions for my girls -- Jane's sixth Christmas season and Livia's first. My precious baby girls.
There's something to be learned here, even though I would give almost anything to not be learning it.
I'm tired. Was on my feet a lot. Last year I was pregnant and had been diagnosed with gestational diabetes for about a month while I was doing the Thanksgiving cooking. I was on my feet and busy all morning. I'd had my snack but I still felt weird. That's the only scary episode I had during the pregnancy, and I kind of blacked out -- not fully but everything went black/I lost vision while I stumbled to the table and sat down. I couldn't stop laughing after I recovered. But it scared Shawn. I was very pale too. Nothing like that happened today, of course. I'm healthy-ish.
I am not in a cheery, holiday mood. I don't know how I'm going to celebrate Christmas. It's not going to be the same. I am looking forward to Advent -- sitting in the dark, waiting for the light. And I hope and pray the the miracle comes to me again anew. At the very least I'll be going through the motions for my girls -- Jane's sixth Christmas season and Livia's first. My precious baby girls.
There's something to be learned here, even though I would give almost anything to not be learning it.
Make My Outsides Match My Insides
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| My face and left hand |
I still feel terrible. I am not reeling any longer, and I can stand my ground.
My outsides match that internal upset. But I need to start something to keep myself together.
That means exercise. That means a hair cut (scheduled for this Friday). That *might* mean wearing makeup more often.
What else should it mean? More rest? (Once Liv and I are better that should come) More reading? More movies?
I've got to keep myself together. I do not want to feel "better" or OK with the situation, but I do want to be able to live my life and be ready for whatever comes our way.
Volunteering with Gritted Teeth
I'm a volunteer at my church. It's become a bigger "position" than I expected at first, and I just kind of fell into it. There wasn't a time when someone asked "will you do X, Y and Z." It was more like "we need help with our website," and I lunged at the chance.
The responsibilities morphed as I kept seeing more things that could be done and took on additional responsibilities when asked. When I was going to be out for maternity leave I suggested the church hire an intern to take over for a few months. That morphed into something entirely, and I've been told jokingly (perhaps?) that I've been fired because ...
The church hired a communications director, which really is great. She has zero communications experience, which is not so great.
She'll work out fine, and I've been spending even more time training her. And of course NOTHING is being done to my liking. I'm biting my tongue and sitting on my hands a lot. (Or bitching about it to anyone who will listen and on my blog here...)
There are still places I can contribute, and I'm still leading the communications "team" of volunteers, although I'm hoping that responsibility will eventually fade away if this new hire can be a true leader. I vacillate from wanting to control everything to wanting to completely wash my hands of the whole thing and only attend church as a "visitor" of sorts or to somehow contribute in other, non-communications ways.
And as much as my Type A personality clashes, I know what I want to do -- either option, all or nothing -- is not the right thing.
Recently our pastor prayed before a leadership meeting, and a line stuck out to me enough that I wrote it down: "Our relationships are more important than the work."
That's so the truth, and it's also a very hard truth to deal with, at least for me. I want the work done flawlessly (or at least to my liking!) and on time. But what I should really want is to cultivate a relationship with this new friend and let the work sort itself out. (I think?)
Also if I had a regular job of my own this would all be moot as I wouldn't have time or energy to be upset about any of the church communications. (Maybe?) Being a stay-at-home mom and taking care of the girls is a full-time job, but it definitely leaves space for me to fret about stuff like this.
I'll never change myself or my feelings about it, but I CAN change how I react to things and temper what I actually say. Maybe if I fake it I'll make it?
The responsibilities morphed as I kept seeing more things that could be done and took on additional responsibilities when asked. When I was going to be out for maternity leave I suggested the church hire an intern to take over for a few months. That morphed into something entirely, and I've been told jokingly (perhaps?) that I've been fired because ...
The church hired a communications director, which really is great. She has zero communications experience, which is not so great.
She'll work out fine, and I've been spending even more time training her. And of course NOTHING is being done to my liking. I'm biting my tongue and sitting on my hands a lot. (Or bitching about it to anyone who will listen and on my blog here...)
There are still places I can contribute, and I'm still leading the communications "team" of volunteers, although I'm hoping that responsibility will eventually fade away if this new hire can be a true leader. I vacillate from wanting to control everything to wanting to completely wash my hands of the whole thing and only attend church as a "visitor" of sorts or to somehow contribute in other, non-communications ways.
And as much as my Type A personality clashes, I know what I want to do -- either option, all or nothing -- is not the right thing.
Recently our pastor prayed before a leadership meeting, and a line stuck out to me enough that I wrote it down: "Our relationships are more important than the work."
That's so the truth, and it's also a very hard truth to deal with, at least for me. I want the work done flawlessly (or at least to my liking!) and on time. But what I should really want is to cultivate a relationship with this new friend and let the work sort itself out. (I think?)
Also if I had a regular job of my own this would all be moot as I wouldn't have time or energy to be upset about any of the church communications. (Maybe?) Being a stay-at-home mom and taking care of the girls is a full-time job, but it definitely leaves space for me to fret about stuff like this.
I'll never change myself or my feelings about it, but I CAN change how I react to things and temper what I actually say. Maybe if I fake it I'll make it?
The Grace of Grandparents
I was in front of someone in line at Target this week and she was on the phone (people are always on the phone). She was talking about her toddler daughter and how she'd been a handful that morning. The mom had to get groceries and didn't feel like dealing with her. So she called her dad and asked if she could drop off her girl, so that's where the daughter was. (Apparently the person on the other end of the line had asked.)
I wonder if she understands the privilege of that -- having family so close? Of having a safety valve like that whenever you feel like it.
I felt so jealous eavesdropping, even though I only had one of my two children with me, and she was sitting happily in the cart. I would love that option of spontaneous drop off.
I could probably build relationships with some people at church to the point I'd feel comfortable dropping off one or both girls for a few hours at a time. But I'm so uptight, I don't know that I ever will. I also have a weird sense of not wanting to be a burden on ANYONE. I don't even like asking Shawn for help, and he's their dad!
I'm lucky in other ways, I know. And I'm grateful my girls are so loved. (And that their Gingie is here for Thanksgiving week!)
I wonder if she understands the privilege of that -- having family so close? Of having a safety valve like that whenever you feel like it.
I felt so jealous eavesdropping, even though I only had one of my two children with me, and she was sitting happily in the cart. I would love that option of spontaneous drop off.
I could probably build relationships with some people at church to the point I'd feel comfortable dropping off one or both girls for a few hours at a time. But I'm so uptight, I don't know that I ever will. I also have a weird sense of not wanting to be a burden on ANYONE. I don't even like asking Shawn for help, and he's their dad!
I'm lucky in other ways, I know. And I'm grateful my girls are so loved. (And that their Gingie is here for Thanksgiving week!)
Filler Post
One week until my birthday... Better get shopping!
(Or donate in my name to the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, Southern Poverty Law Center, Together Baton Rouge or similar.)
My mom made it here for a Thanksgiving visit. The girls are playing with her in the living room.
Livia has been sick. Jane had a short-lived ear ache and cold last Sunday. By Monday, when she had her 5-year checkup, she was completely healthy. I asked the doctor about her ear, but it was fine. Livia didn't start feeling bad until Thursday or so. Not sure if it's the same virus or something else. Shawn has been battling a sore throat for a couple days too. My chest congestion started last night. Pathetic family. Jane is still raring to go.
When Livia coughs sometimes she throws up, so that's fun and messy. She's been in bed with us when it happens. And I've gotten a shirt-full a few times. Lovely. Grateful for laundry room that works so well and time to get it all done. Livia's had a mild fever too, so we've given her Tylenol for the first time -- going 7.5 months without a true illness is pretty good. Hooray for breast milk! (And imagine how sick she might be without it!)
I took a bike ride around our neighborhood today. I only (only?) saw one Trump sign, and it was nailed high on a tree. I'd like to think it's because the rest of the neighbors would have taken it down otherwise. I know I'm a blue dot in a red state, although cities are often blue havens, and Baton Rouge is no different. (Probably it's more purple, as I know plenty of people who are pro-Trump, even in the face of all the revelations and craziness since his win.)
The weather is cooler today -- the "cold" front came through. And although the weather said these are "winter-like" temperatures, I'm still roasting inside my house a bit with the sun beating down. It's definitely cool -- in the 60s -- outside so I can just open the windows and/or run fans to cool myself off. But with company and sick kids ... it's back to shorts for me!
Orange juice all around ... slip a little vodka in it perhaps? Or not.
(Or donate in my name to the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, Southern Poverty Law Center, Together Baton Rouge or similar.)
My mom made it here for a Thanksgiving visit. The girls are playing with her in the living room.
Livia has been sick. Jane had a short-lived ear ache and cold last Sunday. By Monday, when she had her 5-year checkup, she was completely healthy. I asked the doctor about her ear, but it was fine. Livia didn't start feeling bad until Thursday or so. Not sure if it's the same virus or something else. Shawn has been battling a sore throat for a couple days too. My chest congestion started last night. Pathetic family. Jane is still raring to go.
When Livia coughs sometimes she throws up, so that's fun and messy. She's been in bed with us when it happens. And I've gotten a shirt-full a few times. Lovely. Grateful for laundry room that works so well and time to get it all done. Livia's had a mild fever too, so we've given her Tylenol for the first time -- going 7.5 months without a true illness is pretty good. Hooray for breast milk! (And imagine how sick she might be without it!)
I took a bike ride around our neighborhood today. I only (only?) saw one Trump sign, and it was nailed high on a tree. I'd like to think it's because the rest of the neighbors would have taken it down otherwise. I know I'm a blue dot in a red state, although cities are often blue havens, and Baton Rouge is no different. (Probably it's more purple, as I know plenty of people who are pro-Trump, even in the face of all the revelations and craziness since his win.)
The weather is cooler today -- the "cold" front came through. And although the weather said these are "winter-like" temperatures, I'm still roasting inside my house a bit with the sun beating down. It's definitely cool -- in the 60s -- outside so I can just open the windows and/or run fans to cool myself off. But with company and sick kids ... it's back to shorts for me!
Orange juice all around ... slip a little vodka in it perhaps? Or not.
Iron Man ... not Iron Girl!
Jane dressed as Iron Man this year for Halloween, part of her ongoing love for the Avengers (thanks, Gingie!). I didn't put a lot of thought into it -- she chose it, I double checked (maybe triple checked) with her before buying the costume on Amazon. She LOVED it, and I probably didn't let her wear it enough, although she got to wear it to the Halloween parade, Trunk-or-Treat and Trick-or-Treating, although she left the mask off most of the time because it made it hard to breathe and look around. She was also adamant that she was Iron Man, not Iron Woman or Iron Girl like some people said when they saw her dressed up.I read a great post right around Halloween about boy choices vs. girl choices and how parents/society can be overwhelmingly proud of girls choosing a typically boy activity or costume. I admit a smug sense of pride that my girl isn't constrained by gender norms at this point as far as her Halloween choice was concerned. But the point of the article, which really resonated, is how girl choices -- a princess, Elsa, whatever -- are not inherently bad or worth less than a boy choice.
Here's what the author had to say:
It implies that breaking from the pack automatically makes you superior in some way. Sometimes the pack likes awesome shit because it’s awesome, you know? And it’s fine if you – or your kid – wants to like that awesome stuff, too. It’s like shaming someone for liking pop music because it’s popular. Shut the fuck up. It’s popular because people like it. You’re a people. Do the math, jerk.
It also implies that choosing a superhero is superior to choosing a princess, and that is some bullshit internalized misogyny to stick on your four year old. “Boy” stuff is not inherently better than girl stuff. Girls who are into “boy” stuff are not “cooler” than girls who are into “girl” stuff.Hammer meet nail head. (And the rest of her rant is good too.)
It is really what feminism is. Not tearing down the male, but building up the female. Demanding that they be seen as equal, which they intrinsically are. THIS is what I want to teach Jane and Livia ... all the subtleties and ultimately being a good, strong woman who likes what she likes.
(Another post that could use more consideration I'm sure...but hopefully you catch my drift.)
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