21 November 2016

Volunteering with Gritted Teeth

I'm a volunteer at my church. It's become a bigger "position" than I expected at first, and I just kind of fell into it. There wasn't a time when someone asked "will you do X, Y and Z." It was more like "we need help with our website," and I lunged at the chance.

The responsibilities morphed as I kept seeing more things that could be done and took on additional responsibilities when asked. When I was going to be out for maternity leave I suggested the church hire an intern to take over for a few months. That morphed into something entirely, and I've been told jokingly (perhaps?) that I've been fired because ...

The church hired a communications director, which really is great. She has zero communications experience, which is not so great.

She'll work out fine, and I've been spending even more time training her. And of course NOTHING is being done to my liking. I'm biting my tongue and sitting on my hands a lot. (Or bitching about it to anyone who will listen and on my blog here...)

There are still places I can contribute, and I'm still leading the communications "team" of volunteers, although I'm hoping that responsibility will eventually fade away if this new hire can be a true leader. I vacillate from wanting to control everything to wanting to completely wash my hands of the whole thing and only attend church as a "visitor" of sorts or to somehow contribute in other, non-communications ways.

And as much as my Type A personality clashes, I know what I want to do -- either option, all or nothing -- is not the right thing.

Recently our pastor prayed before a leadership meeting, and a line stuck out to me enough that I wrote it down: "Our relationships are more important than the work."

That's so the truth, and it's also a very hard truth to deal with, at least for me. I want the work done flawlessly (or at least to my liking!) and on time. But what I should really want is to cultivate a relationship with this new friend and let the work sort itself out. (I think?)

Also if I had a regular job of my own this would all be moot as I wouldn't have time or energy to be upset about any of the church communications. (Maybe?) Being a stay-at-home mom and taking care of the girls is a full-time job, but it definitely leaves space for me to fret about stuff like this.

I'll never change myself or my feelings about it, but I CAN change how I react to things and temper what I actually say. Maybe if I fake it I'll make it?

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