silvermari & the stick

Costume: Cabbage Patch Kid

For Liv's first Halloween I dressed her up as a Cabbage Patch Kid doll. I don't remember how or why I saw the idea, but it combines crochet with nostalgia so sign me up!

I started by crocheting the Cabbage Patch Kid hat/wig, which was pretty easy and a riff on a regular baby hat (of which I've made so many I can nearly do it in my sleep). I learned a new stitch following this pattern and its video. But instead of making the whole hat with that stitch I just did the brim area. I did braids instead of big puffy pony tails. I may be remembering wrong, but I think my Cabbage Patch doll (Justine?) had braids. She definitely had this dark brown hair.

For the stroller box I had intended to use a more square box, but it ended up being too small. Shawn had ordered some baby gates that came in a box that ended up working out perfectly. "Real" Cabbage Patch doll boxes have clear cellophane across the top, but this one is cut out in the back and front with an opening for the stroller handle. The box slipped over the stroller easily, which made for simple transport.

I used plastic table cloths (about $1 each at the dollar store) to wrap the box and to place on the stroller for her to sit on. If I'd been more intense I could have painted the box and/or added green trim around the box opening. It's clear I free-handed everything. And I like the hand-made/laziness it evokes.

I printed the Cabbage patch logo, some generic flowers and a 2016 ribbon (which I made in Word) and cut them out then taped them on with shipping tape. When I was putting this together I ran out of tape. I swear I go through packing tape like crazy ... and we haven't moved in more than five years, so I don't know where it goes. Luckily I started before I needed the costume finished and had time to buy more tape.

I printed a "birth certificate," although it isn't really visible in the picture (it's by the baby's left shoulder). I used the logo and copied a certificate from online in style and used my baby's name and birth date. I taped it in place too.

My daughter wore clothes and shoes of mine from when I was a little girl, so vintage early 80s stuff. It really completed the look, although the wig/hat itself was enough to get the point across!

The costume was a big hit at our church's trunk-or-treat, and some of the trick-or-treaters even stopped to take their picture with her! I thought that was kind of neat. (Also many of them were like "huh? what's a Cabbage Patch?" but it was the moms who got it!)

Jane wore an Iron Man costume, and I'll have a post about that later this week.

Vote for Hillary Clinton on Jane's Fifth Birthday!

Vote For Hillary Clinton from Mari W. on Vimeo.

One week until my baby is five.

One week until we elect our first woman president.

ONE WEEK.

(Time has been passing so slowly in the anticipation of these two things!)

Jane's party is this weekend, so this week I have a ton of things to do for the party. We're having everyone come over to our house and got a bouncy castle thing. It's the first year we're inviting her entire class, and we don't have many RSVPs. The responses we do have will make a nice party, but I'm anxious about having enough food if more people do show up ...

Edit to add: OMG, it is NaBloPoMo! I almost forgot!!!

Read: I'm Judging You

We were at a party this weekend and someone was talking about how much he hates ebooks and prefer paper books. I actually have come to love ebooks, although I enjoy paper books too. One of his gripes was that you can't highlight ebooks or keep notes. Uh... that's untrue, although it takes some figuring out. My Kindle allows highlights and then you can export a "notebook" of those highlighted parts at the end. (Although I agree that for note taking and school purposes I'd much prefer paper to digital books.)

These were my highlighted parts of "I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual" by Luvvie Ajayi:

The red stripes on the flag are really the blood of Black and brown people, and many centuries after the country’s creation, these stains still have not faded.

Racism is not a byproduct as much as it’s the foundational stock in the American soup.

Black people actually have to PROVE their humanity, instead of having it accepted as a given.

We’re saying that white people benefit from an automatic position of privilege because of their skin color in a larger racist society.

We know all lives should matter, but ALL lives cannot matter until Black lives matter, too.

Words used within a marginalized group are not always appropriate when used by an outsider.

Rape culture is the prevailing attitude that women exist primarily to please men, and therefore are not equal human beings with agency over their own bodies.

The questionable personal decisions we sometimes make do not excuse the bad decisions others make, especially when it comes to how they interact with us.

Believing that people should make their own choices about their own lives is ultimately what I think it means to be a feminist.

Wanting equal rights for women is not synonymous with wanting fewer rights for men,

Organized religion, practiced fundamentally and literally, is a strong tool of control. So I understand why people do not believe in it or a higher power.

(I really liked the book and would recommend it.)

Crochet: Snow Queen Hat

Jane had a princess party last week (at Build-a-Bear - such a fun party, although I'm sure expensive for the birthday girl's family since every kid got to pick out a bear and outfit!). Jane already had this Elsa dress (made by my aunt), and I thought it would be fun to make her an Elsa hat/wig.

I googled for inspiration and found a pattern of sorts at Repeat Crafter Me. I used my own basic hat pattern (I've made enough that it's second nature to do the bases) using half double crochets. Then I added a folded over piece of loooong yarn to each stitch in the last row, swooped them all to the side and braided. I had Jane wear the hat while I braided, and I'm not sure I could have braided otherwise. She was also helpful holding the yarn as I swooped/twisted the back and then the front before bringing them together to braid.

I bought some snowflake buttons for $2 at Walmart (Christmas snowflake decorations would have been bigger/better, but the Xmas stuff isn't out yet). I sewed on two at the last minute and away we went to the party!

Jane got loads of compliments on the hat, and I'm really proud of it. She wore it the whole party even though it was pretty hot in the store. When I took the hat off it had pressed around her head a bit where the hair was, so I think if I made this again I'd make the hate a smidge bigger -- maybe a half round extra increases -- because the hair swoop tightens it a bit.

Fun for dress up play, and I'm sure it won't be hard to make a coordinating Anna hat/wig. Maybe for baby sister?!

Crochet: Sunshine Blanket

I crocheted this blanket -- called Sunshine from the book Little Crochet Modern Baby Designs -- for my college friend who had her first baby in August.

I had started this more than a year ago, and the pattern proved too hard. It's got some pineapple stitches, and the stitch markers required to get things right muddled my brain. I'd set it aside for a number of months. But when I found out this friend was pregnant I picked it up again and had a much easier time. My hook was flying!

My friend didn't share the gender of her baby before the birth, so I was hoping this yarn I'd chosen would be gender neutral. Of course as it worked up the orangish color in the variegated yarn started looking VERY pink and I knew this was a "girl" blanket.

After I finished this I started on an alternate "boy" blanket -- a cool technique with the corner-to-corner stitch but changing colors to make a picture appear -- but I never got into it enough to get it done before her baby (A DAUGHTER!) was born.

Basically I think this blanket belonged to this baby girl all along, since I had so much trouble doing it before she existed and then it came so easily once I was making it for her.

Now I have a work-in-progress of the owl blanket, and it's not as easy as I thought it would be because of how many color changes there are -- my yarn is getting tangled, I have knots in the yarn from just annoying yarn and I gave up at least for now

Cost of Fighting A Ductal Yeast Infection

I am still fighting a ductal yeast infection in my breast -- candida during breastfeeding or however you say it. It's the pits. I've spent significant time and some good chunks of change on my efforts to kill the yeast. I am cautiously optimistic that this infection is nearly gone. Knock on wood and cross all your fingers! Here's a rough estimate of what I've done since early July to get here:

Six weeks of diflucan -- this is the actual prescription medication, and I'm lucky my insurance covers it. Apparently it was expensive as a brand name but is now available as generic flucanozole. I couldn't convince my doctor to prescribe it longer (I didn't try very hard), although the protocol says it should be continued until symptoms are gone for a full week. (I had not had a full week of symptom free when I stopped the diflucan, but I think I have now, or at least very nearly symptom-free.)

All Purpose Nipple Ointment -- another one that needed to be prescribed. I had to get it at a compounding pharmacy that doesn't take insurance. It's $75, although I put in for it to be reimbursed by insurance. They sent a check for $10 without explanation. We still need to follow up on that one, but say $65.

Grapefruit seed extract -- I have this orally as well as topically as a liquid. I mix the liquid into water (15 drops in a half shot glass) and use a Q-tip to saturate the nipple after nursing and follow up with the APNO. Liquid cost $11. Orally I take 250 mg three times per day. On Amazon it's about $11 for 60 pills, so a 20 day supply. I've probably been taking it for 8 weeks because I started it as soon as it seemed this was likely yeast. I've definitely purchased it five times so far (counting twice at Whole Foods in 125 mg dose, so the bottle doesn't last quite as long) and am working my way through the fifth bottle. (So $55 so far.)

Gentian violet -- this took me a while to find because I kept thinking I would find it locally. In the end I could have ordered and received it from Amazon several times over, so I just did that ($10) and waited 2 more days. This does help, although I'm not sure how long it's OK to use. The protocol says on for 7 days then stop. If it hasn't worked in 7 days it won't. BUT it can be repeated. So I don't know. I do it, then stop and have symptoms flare and start again. It is HELLA messy and I hate it. I like purple OK but not on my poor baby's mouth. At church this week she had a big purple mustache and I had to get into my infection/medicine with more people than I would have liked (I should have agreed to others' ideas -- purple marker or a bruise). Definitely not what I had in mind when I say I want to help normalize breast feeding. (Update since I started this post - I was able to stop the gentian violet after about 3 cycles, so 21 days total using it. I've been off it for more than a week, and I know it's there to try again if symptoms flare.)

Probiotics - buy locally at Whole Foods and also bought some inferior ones at CVS ($11 down the tubes) - $22 x two so far. They have to be refrigerated and need to be taken separately from the Grapefruit Seed Extract (which would just kill the probiotics I think). So I don't remember to take them too often, but at least once a day before bed and sometimes in the afternoon too. I think that's a good sign that I don't remember and am getting better!

Vinegar for washing clothes and towels - minimal cost but for the sake of completion - $2. I wash everything of the baby's and everything that touches my breasts (bras, towels, etc.) in hot water with vinegar rinse. Acidity kills (?) the yeast, or at least inhibits its growth.

Paper towels to limit yeast from towels on my hands after washing and limit chances of re-infection (not entirely convinced this is necessary) - $4, estimated because we use paper towels normally. I just kept a roll in the bathroom to use with each hand wash there and have used about 4 rolls over the time I've been doing this.

Jack Newman book: Dr. Jack Newman's Guide to Breastfeeding, includes the candida protocol I am trying to follow. $22.

Lactation consultation - should have been $95, although maybe insurance would have covered it. I got my consultation free because while I was waiting for a call back in the hospital waiting area I was hassled by a security guard about breast feeding and that I needed to go to their special rooms/couldn't just nurse in the lobby even covered up. I tweeted my indignation, which got the communications people's attention and I was given a personal apology and the consultation for free, which was nice. It was helpful because they were the ones who agreed that it was more likely yeast. They weren't used to seeing such big/older babies though. If nothing else it made me feel like someone in the medical system actually cared about me/my pain at that point (when my doctor was out of town).

Monistat 7 - before I got the APNO - $11

So adding all that up we're at $224 actually spent (not including the $95 the lactation consultation would have cost). I'd gladly throw money at this problem just to get better and it was the TIME more than anything that has been hard to deal with. I've been robbed of pleasure with my baby, and while we're still nursing and everything is great with her growth and health I am battered and beaten down from this experience. I hope I can bounce back and continue to get better until completely, truly healed. And I hope you never experience this. If you do/found this via Google please feel free to email me for empathy!

Tell Me I'm Fat

Last week I finally listened to the This American Life episode "Tell Me I'm Fat." It was put together around the release of Lindy West's book "Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman," which I pre-ordered and read when it was published earlier this year. I've loved West's writing since Jezebel, and I really liked the book. I loaned it to my sister before I could go back and make notes for this post, but I checked it out from the library electronically and copied out some of what I wanted to remember/share.

I am fat, but like Roxane Gay says in the TAL episode I'm "Lane Bryant fat," meaning I can still move about in the world and there are places I can buy clothes. In Shrill West talks about that too --

"I’ve always been fat, but I was the fat person that still mostly fit. While I couldn’t fit into regular-lady clothes (more bejeweled tunics covered with skulls, cherries, and antique postage stamps, please!), and I had to be careful with butt safety (I once Godzilla’d an entire lunch setting while trying to sidle through a Parisian cafe), I was still the kind of fat person who could move through the straight-sized world without causing too many ripples. Until I couldn’t."

I'm the kind of fat person who can move through the straight-sized world without causing too many ripples. I want to be OK with my body as it is without giving that body license to break down (or something). I want to remember this, also from Shrill:

"Please don’t forget: I am my body. When my body gets smaller, it is still me. When my body gets bigger, it is still me. There is not a thin woman inside me, awaiting excavation. I am one piece."

And I want my girls to know that too. My value, their value is so much more than our bodies. Women don't have to be a certain size to be worthy of love and respect. Another of the acts in the TAL episode was about a woman who lost a significant amount of weight and got everything she ever wanted (relationship, acting jobs, etc.) once she was thin. I feel like I have everything I ever wanted, although perhaps I'm missing something???

My daughters are also an impetus for wanting to be less fat -- mainly to be able to move through the world more easily (socially as well as just literally moving more easily). And ideally to stay in this world longer. (I say that not that fat equals unhealthy, but I am a heavier weight when I'm not taking care of myself -- less exercise, more sugar, etc.)

Lots to think about and remember for discussions down the line.

No more affiliate links via Amazon, since Louisiana changed its law to require taxes be paid up front Amazon just shut down the affiliates program for anyone living in the state. So there's that...

Flood Recovery

Nothing happened to me because of the Louisiana flood. But it could have. There's nothing about my character or where I chose to live that exempted me from the flood waters. It just happened that the mega rain did not fall over my house. But others in our community were not so lucky, if luck is even the right word.

Together Baton Rouge is an organization that was started several years ago to address issues of social justice and bringing the community together in rational ways to solve problems. Boy have they stepped up and been incredible in their efforts for this flood recovery. I'm proud to support them financially, and I hope you'll consider a donation too.

As a Methodist I'm proud that no matter where the disaster we are always on the ground. UMCOR is another great option for your donation dollars, and for the Louisiana flood going through the Louisiana Annual Conference is a good idea too. Our church did a lot of work in the initial week after the flood, and we continue to house "second responders," or those teams of volunteers who have expertise in gutting houses and came out to do just that.

I still feel out of sorts -- I should be DOING something -- I am experiencing no negative outcomes to this flood that hits SO CLOSE to home. My life is uninterrupted, while those so nearby are still shattered. (Although I still have the "excuse" of nursing mother to keep me out of heavy work ... although if I look at myself I'm so weak I doubt I could do the physical labor required even without the need to remain with my baby almost all the time...)

The national media coverage -- rather the lack thereof -- is problematic for getting recovery dollars and private donations flowing into the community. It's also understandable if infuriating. There's no one to "blame" in the flood scenario is something I've read often, and really that means there is no villain other than mother nature. And we can pound our heads against the wall all we want there's no changing that.

But I also don't think the national media scoffs at stories of the Cajun Navy or people saving each other. It's just less compelling perhaps the farther you are from the tragedy. That's true as human nature I guess or at least the way our media system is set up now. I didn't give a lot of thought to Superstorm Sandy even though we'd recently moved from the area hit when it happened in 2012 and even though it got A LOT more national coverage.

A lot of donations have come directly to families via GoFundMe accounts that have been set up. I've donated to one for my friend. But the awful part of that is GoFundMe takes 8% off the top. I knew it was a bad idea and I should have bought a gift card or just sent her a check directly. Blurgh.

The other instinct that has kicked in during this time "after" is the desire to clean out all my crap. For several days I looked around and thought about the things on the floor/low shelves would just be gone should water come in. And how that would probably be OK for most of the stuff. And should I take steps to eliminate excess material goods? (Yes, a thousand times, yes.)

I've also been cutting way back on spending on non-consumables. We're still doing grocery shopping and getting medicines (wait for the post on how much fighting the breast infection is costing me to see that math...), but I haven't been shopping for new clothes or shoes or anything, even as back-to-school sales are in full swing. (I did buckle today at Target during the back-to-school clearance items, so I'm sure it won't be long before I'm back to my regular type of spending habit.) We have plenty and there's no need. We should put that money toward helping others rebuild their lives. What else is there to do?

These are the main thoughts that have been on repeat in the last few weeks. In addition to the deep sense of gratitude for remaining high and dry.

On an Island

We live in Baton Rouge, which has seen its share of tragedies this summer. The latest is a flood of epic proportions.

All around us there is devastation.

Our home is fine. We are fine. We have power, Internet and plenty of food and water.

There's no threat to our home now. We're in a high spot and away from where the biggest rains fell. We are also far enough away from bodies of water that we shouldn't suffer flooding from the backflow (which I still don't understand).

But I'm still unsettled, anxious and often find myself on the brink of tears.

We are so lucky. But what are we to do?

Our church is a short-term shelter for now, and I've been helping out with the communications/social media aspect of that as I can. I haven't brought myself to go to church and volunteer directly (although the way is clear and we went for worship on Sunday). Having the girls and being a nursing mom makes that much harder, and I can't tell if they're overwhelmed with volunteers already and an extra three people (since that's what I really am) would be more in the way than helpful. But that adds a level of guilt. I should be giving up some of my things and more of my time in constructive ways more than anxiety stressing.

We haven't been out of the house since Sunday. The roads around us are clear, but where is there to go? I got groceries on Sunday afternoon, and it was a madhouse and scary with a half-flooded parking lot that I later heard had an alligator in it (hopefully a false rumor, but certainly not unbelievable). We're a little stir crazy too. TBD on when Jane's school will actually start.

On Facebook I've seen a lot of complaints about how the flood isn't receiving national news coverage. I guess the cable news networks aren't covering it too much. I've read a few stories about "disaster porn" and maybe we're not important since it's an unknown city and Louisiana floods all the time so we should be ready for it. I don't know what national coverage would do to help things. Would people donate more? I don't know. But the disaster is staggering.

Oh, and my breast infection is definitely yeast and hasn't fully healed yet. I have been taking medication for several weeks that helps but hasn't been able to completely eliminate it. I am due for a refill tomorrow, but I don't know if I can reach my doctor OR if she'll agree to give me more (it's not a narcotic, but it is expensive and not usually used for so long). I was off it for two days last week and the pains came roaring back so she gave me another week. That's a personal anxiety but it hums in the background, increasing my general unease, malaise and ennui...

Breastfeeding Madness

I've written about breastfeeding before, including a recent post on The Mommy-Go-Round. And when I talk or write about breastfeeding I AM INSUFFERABLE!

It's so easy, she said. Anyone can do it, she said.

NOPE NOPE NOPE.

Consider me humbled, crow eaten and in awe of moms who make it through breastfeeding challenges. If I experienced this the first time around and didn't know how easy it is to "open bra, push baby to breast, go back to eating/reading/scrolling" I'm not sure we would have made it to seven months of exclusive breastfeeding, let alone 26 months total!

Everything went great with Jane (although reading back in the posts I did have a bout of mastitis that I cleared up without much trouble). But for the past couple weeks I've been in the land of eat-your-words, because breastfeeding has been anything but easy.

To start I had a sore nipple, maybe seemed like a milk bleb. I did hot compresses and lots of nursing to get it open, but it kept hurting and last Wednesday night I got the shock of my life when knife-like pains started internally in my breast, basically all throughout the milk ducts, after my last nursing of the evening.

I've done so much internet sleuthing, but it didn't seem like mastitis (no fever/chills) and didn't seem like yeast/thrush because Livia didn't have any symptoms and mine weren't typical and it was only on one side.

I started calling the doctor's office right away on Thursday afternoon after a terrible bout with pain, but because I felt some better when I called on Friday they didn't seem to be in any rush to have me be seen. Then I had to wait over the weekend to come in, and it got worse and worse (a couple hours of level 9/10 pain after each nursing on the right side).

So far I've been to a nurse practitioner (who diagnosed mastitis even without any mastitis symptoms) and prescribed an antibiotic. Then I had a lactation consultation, and they think it sounds more like yeast, and they recommended treating with diflucan. My doctor's office prescribed that, but only one dose, which is what is recommended for a vaginal yeast infection, with a second dose 7 days later.

The lactation consultants all referred me to "Tips from the Trenches," and the handout on yeast (and everywhere else on the internet) recommends a much longer-term dosing (instead of one dose you take a double dose and then one dose daily for 14 days). So far the doctor's office has said "no way" to that and told me to continue the antibiotic (even though an antibiotic can wipe out the good bacteria that can help fight off the yeast organisms).

I also got some advice on a better latch with Livia. She was pretty wild during the consultation -- slipping on and off the breast and chomping more than usual. It's most comfortable when she's calm/sleepy and can just get down to business. But having to TRY with the latch after months of pain-free automatic nursing has been difficult.

But the PAIN has been the worst. My nipple is still sore (got some prescription cream for that now, although I had to ask if that was OK/it was never offered as an option) so nursing/initial latch is painful. But it's nothing compared to the feeling after nursing is done and the yeast starts attacking.

My pain is worse in the mornings after the first feed, although I do have pain throughout the day after nursings. PERHAPS it's because I go so long in the night between feeds (Livia and I like to sleep) and I have been hesitant to nurse on the right overnight because I know the pain will wake me up totally. But tonight I'm going to try and nurse on the right and hope the morning pain is more manageable. I'm also going to take some ibuprofen in the night, which might help.

In my own opinion, not being an MD or nurse, I have a very stubborn and strong yeast infection that will need the bigger course of diflucan. In the meantime I'm trying grapefruit seed extract, taking high doses of probiotics to counteract the antibiotic and still looking for gentian violet locally (as usual if I'd just ordered it on Amazon once I suspected yeast I could have been using it already). For the pain I'm taking double doses of ibuprofen spaced 6-8 hours apart. It doesn't really touch the pain at all, unfortunately.

There's also the risk of re-infection and the breastfeeding literature says baby and mom should be treated simultaneously to prevent spreading it back and forth. So far Livi has no symptoms so her pediatrician won't treat for it. I hope it stays that way, and that if she does get symptoms we can do some gentian violet or similar to knock it out fast. There's lots of extra laundry in that towels and burp rags, baby clothes and bras all have to be washed in hot water with vinegar rinse. All the breast pump parts and any pacifiers/toys that go in her mouth have to be washed AND boiled (daily!). I've already melted some of her best toys doing that, so I've been limiting what I let her put in her mouth to things that are definitely washable/boilable or that I don't care if they get ruined.

I plan to write a Mommy-Go-Round post after all is said and done -- and to eat my crow in a more public way. And I have a lot more to say about the experience emotionally. But in the mean time, that's where I am now.

Being in Two Places

Out and about -- photo by Aunt B

I'm 12 weeks into this "having two kids" life, and so far it's pretty great. The age difference is good, as Jane is happy to have a baby sister and helpful most of the time. We've had our moments, and someone from church said "Oh, I hate a four-year age difference ... just think about one in high school while the other is in college." (Or something like that -- I honestly can't really remember her objection logic.)

But the age difference also has struggles, but it's really just the struggle of having a newborn during the heat of the summer and wanting to maintain Jane's active schedule.

I've wanted to be in two places at once so many times already, starting with a field trip at Jane's school when Livia was just a few weeks old (I couldn't even walk properly yet, so it was impossible to consider) and the latest being taking Jane to the Finding Dory movie yesterday (my sister and nephew did that for me).

Basically Livia needs me right now, while Jane needs someone to do activities with her and that can be daddy, Aunt B or a friend. I can still do a lot with her, and we do. I've been taking her to swim lessons this week while Aunt B watches Livia -- two hours away at a time is the longest I've stretched it so far, and it was doable but not my favorite. We also go to the library, since that's something Livia can easily come along for. But I couldn't volunteer at VBS so Jane was there alone, and I can't take her to the water park or similar.

Yesterday the Mommy-Go-Round blog published one of my last (or last?) blog posts - Bringing Home Baby #2. (I could look it up whether I've submitted anymore. I honestly can't remember.)

More Writing ...

My freelance (emphasis on the free) writing continues to be published on my hospital's blog, The Mommy-Go-Round, and my doula's blog at Birth Help. Here are a few recent posts:

Better Birth Through Improved Communication
I’m a communications professional by trade with degrees in journalism and years of experience in public relations. I excel with the written word and communicating within a marketing framework. Communicating is my vocation, but when it came to talking to my doctor about my wishes for childbirth I came up short. Standing up for myself and what I need does not come naturally to me.
I needed some help to become a more effective communicator in the doctor-patient relationship.

VBAC Success: I Will Push This Baby Out of My Vagina
Despite everything stacking up against my desire for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) – previous big baby, ultrasound estimating an even bigger baby, being overdue and having gestational diabetes – I was ultimately successful and delivered my second daughter vaginally.

Our Jaundice Experience
Both my daughters had jaundice, a condition in which the baby’s blood contains too much bilirubin and makes her skin and eyes appear yellow. My older daughter’s jaundice resolved itself on its own, but my younger daughter born at the end of March had a more severe case. She had a lot of risk factors – exclusively breastfed, larger baby (born 10 lbs, 8 oz.) and our blood types were incompatible, which seemed to be the thing that worried the pediatrician the most.

A Mama's Choice: Getting Started Breastfeeding
I breastfed my first daughter for 26 months, and that nursing relationship was a very healing thing for me after the disappointment of my C-section. I’m proud of myself and my body for feeding and nourishing her for so long. So I knew no matter how my second birth went I would be a nursing mom again for this second baby.

I have high hopes to actually write more HERE and have a list of posts I'd like to write (and have probably written dozens of times in my head). Nothing earth shattering but just continuing to chronicle bits and pieces of this life I'm living. Time at a keyboard is limited, and I'm also trying to work on a (paid!) freelance project and ease back into my volunteer work at church.

Writing Elsewhere on the Web

Note - as soon as I posted about the thank you notes we got a thank you from the most recent kid party. So not all families skip thank you notes!

I've written a few posts at my hospital's blog called The Mommy-Go-Round. I thought I'd share them here in case you'd like to read them. All my posts are here, and there will be four or five more posted. I just sent them in yesterday. Let me know what you think!

Here are links to the posts published so far, including Livia's birth story:

My Birth Story: A Successful VBAC at Woman’s

Despite everything stacking up against my desire for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) – previous big baby, ultrasound estimating an even bigger baby, being overdue and having gestational diabetes – I was ultimately successful and delivered my second daughter vaginally.

Gestational Diabetes Diary: The Home Stretch

I’m writing this one week away from my estimated due date, so no matter what, I’m in the home stretch of this pregnancy. Although it’s been true since the beginning, each day brings me closer to birthing and meeting my daughter. I can’t wait!

A Baby is Coming! Sibling Class at Woman’s Hospital

Our four-year-old daughter is very excited about becoming a big sister, and she’s maintained a very positive attitude about the new baby since we told her around week 12 of the pregnancy. (We didn’t tell anyone else before her, since it impacts her more than pretty much anyone else.) It’s good that we’re expecting another […]

Gestational Diabetes Diary: I Just Want a Cookie!

As I am rounding the bend to the end of this pregnancy and my experience with gestational diabetes (and hopefully diabetes all together – unless I should ever become pregnant again), I find myself wanting a cookie more than ever. Both literally and metaphorically. I have worked very hard to maintain my blood glucose levels, […]

Things I’ve Missed During My Pregnancy with Gestational Diabetes

All pregnant women miss some foods and drink that are on the verboten list such as sushi, wine and cold sandwiches. I miss those things too, but I have an even longer list of “wish I could haves.” Here are just a few I’ve been thinking about. In addition to the raw fish aspect of […]

Preparing for VBAC with Gestational Diabetes

When I was pregnant in 2011 I had a desk job, and as my due date neared my assignments decreased to the point of sheer boredom. I joked that I was able to “finish reading the Internet” because I had so much time on my hands. That’s not the case this pregnancy; although I do […]

I Bought a Diaper Bag and a Car Seat – It’s Getting Real

I’m not a first-time mom, so I haven’t spent much of this pregnancy poring over listicles of “things you need” and “things you don’t need” to bring home a new baby. It may be false confidence, but I think we can handle it. Although there still are a few things we need to buy. One […]

A Supposedly Fun Thing (or Why Movie Tavern & Gestational Diabetes Do Not Mix)

Date nights are rare in my house. We’ve never taken the time to find a regular babysitter, and our families live more than a day’s drive away. So when we have family stay with us we take advantage and sneak away for dinner and a movie. Since the new Movie Tavern opened near our house […]

Patient Perspective: Blood Glucose Testing for Gestational Diabetes

I’m not really needle averse, but poking my finger 4+ times a day is not my idea of a good time. And I had a rough experience at the lab with the blood draws for the glucose screening tests that left one of my arms bruised for weeks to really add insult to injury for […]

The Gestational Diabetes Diet

After I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 17 weeks I assumed I’d be following a low carbohydrate diet. I have experience with that from the South Beach diet that I used before my first pregnancy and smart carb dieting recommended by the staff of the Metabolic Clinic while I successfully managed my insulin resistance […]
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What to Expect at Your First Diabetes Center Visit

I met with Ellie, a diabetes nurse educator, and Sara, a dietitian, at the Woman’s Hospital Diabetes Center about a week after I failed the three-hour glucose test. I was surprised when I called to schedule the appointment that someone actually answered the phone – there’s no answering service like I’m used to with my […]

Gestational Diabetes Diary

Gestational diabetes is just what it sounds like – diabetes that arises during gestation. It’s usually diagnosed with a glucose challenge (the dreaded orange drink test) around week 24-28 of the pregnancy. Most women pass the test no problem and continue with their normal pregnancies. (That’s what happened to me with my first pregnancy in […]

Southern Manners Don't Extend to Gratitude

This is a terrible thing to b*tch about, but it's been irritating me a great deal. And what do I do with irritating things? Complain!

Jane's at an age where she's being invited to birthday parties for her classmates. If it's in our ability to attend we usually do. We missed one the weekend after Livia was born, but otherwise Jane has gone to the parties she has been invited to.

We always take a gift, and I don't mind giving a child a gift for his or her birthday. In fact, it is a pleasure (usually) to pick out something with Jane's help - either at Target or on Amazon - that the friend will like.

What I don't like is no acknowledgement of the gift. And that seems to be standard here, even among the people who insist on "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir" and their children calling me "Ms. Mari" (which I'm getting used to but still don't care for that much). The thank you notes we have received have been from families who aren't from the South originally ... curious, right?

I don't need a thank you note -- although those are certainly nice, and we send notes for every gift we receive. (If I've failed to send you a note for a gift call me out on it!) What I would like is a "thanks for X" either from the parent or kid.

Part of the problem is the elaborate parties at rental places. So much fun for the kids and easy for all the parents, but it doesn't leave time to open gifts during the party. (It would be completely acceptable to me for a hearty "Thanks!" upon opening the present as it's tossed in a pile, but that can't happen if the presents are opened after the party.)

Shawn was at Jane's school for show-and-tell when one of the kids showed a gift he received at his party. The teacher asked him who gave it to him and he didn't know (completely understandable since he's 5!). But Shawn knew since it was what we gave him. I'm so glad the kid liked it, and at least I got to know that, which should be enough.

It is such an ungracious thing for me to gripe about. Seriously -- what's ruder than complaining about other people being rude?! Not much. Maybe bragging about how I do things "right"? Read on, friend. Read on...

After our baby shower I sent thank you notes for the gifts we received. Pretty standard fare, and all the people at our shower were members of our Sunday school class, average age of 70 I'd say (excluding us and the other mid-30s couple). So I would think they would expect the social nicety of an expression of gratitude. EVERY SINGLE ONE thanked me for my card and were surprised to receive more than our verbal thanks at the party.

So what's the deal? Do they not "do" notes here in the South? What about monograms and stationery and that kind of thing? Thank you notes, Christmas cards and birth announcements (going out this week, finally!) are the last bits of real mail I send out, and I relish doing it. Am I just an anomaly? Raised in a different culture? Just my family's emphasis on the importance of expressing gratitude with written thanks?

Whatever it is I'm going to work to make it part of Jane and Livia's culture and carry on my family tradition!

FitBit Phooey

I still love my FitBit, but its usefulness for new mamas is suspect.

During pregnancy there was an option in the dashboard to select "pregnant." I'm certain that it changed the "calories burned" and estimated I was burning more each day because I was growing a person (truth). But sometime during the pregnancy they removed that option entirely. I tweeted about it, and FitBit support tweeted back, directing me to a semi-helpful thread. It says that the "pregnancy" option didn't increase the calories burned estimate - was basically an option that served no purpose. I have no way of verifying that because the dashboard doesn't make it easy to scroll back to look. So whatever. Not a huge problem, especially because I'm not using it as a weight loss tool or really paying attention to the calorie burn. Just weird.

It also isn't very good at measuring sleep, and it thinks I'm sleeping as soon as I'm semi-still even if I'm tossing and turning or reading in bed. That's not unique to newborns' moms though, and that was an issue I noticed even before.

The "real" issue for new mamas is about how the tracker measures things that are not steps as steps. Specifically rocking in a rocking chair counts as steps -- and "intense" steps to boot. And patting a baby on the back -- for burping, general comfort, etc. -- is also stepping. I would have thought I'd need to have some forward momentum for that to be counted. I can almost see how the rocker could be mistaken for an elliptical machine -- there's no way for the FitBit to know that I'm sitting down while my wrist makes that gliding motion. (But it still doesn't count steps if I'm pushing a cart because my wrist is pretty still?!?!)

Basically my calorie burn still seems high, although as a nursing mom that's accurate, and my step count is WAY high -- being overestimated in the thousands I'd say. I can look at the dashboard and see the peaks in my activity are times when I was sitting on my butt holding/nursing/rocking. Another gripe - only the dashboard on the web shows this level of detail. Neither the app on my phone nor the direct software on my computer will actually show hour-by-hour info like the web dashboard will. Bad design on top of weak-ish technology?

But like I said before, data is data and as long as I only compare it to my own data from the same time period it could still be useful. I'm looking forward to being able to do more real steps. I can't believe I'm still recovering four weeks after the birth, but that's the rub in pushing out a 10.5 lb baby I suppose!

Here's a picture of some baby feet that one day will take steps of their own:

Grey Hair ... DO Care

When my sister was visiting in March (pre-baby), she took some pictures of me and Jane because the azaleas were blooming and Jane was dressed up for picture day.

This shot of the top of my head makes me CRINGE. Holy crap, that's a lot of grey hair!

The grey hairs are wiry and yucky. If I dyed them would they be smoother? More conditioned? Or just brown wiry hair?

At my last haircut the stylist suggested lowlights (I think?) -- something that would require little maintenance, since she's aware of how often I come for haircuts (i.e. 2-3 times per year). I'm not sure I'm willing to take on an increased maintenance schedule for my hair, and I know if I tried to dye it myself it would be a mess and ineffective.

What to do? What to do?

L is for ...

Livia

Born 3/31/16. 10 lb. 8 oz. 22 inches long.

Math Modeling Montage Video

Here's a video my husband made that illustrates his work. Math set to music. It's actually quite beautiful. Enjoy!

TIBTIL: Hanes ComfortFlex Fit Bra

While I won't show you a picture of me in a bra, I will say that I'm very happy to have found this. I was looking for a 2-pack of cheap bras at Walmart (never found what the girl in our class was talking about/recommended) when I came across this bra, the Hanes ComfortFlex Fit Bra (G796).

It was not "cheap" for Walmart bras, but cheap/affordable as far as bras go - about $12. They're $14 online plus shipping, and not as many colors are available as there were at Walmart.

It's got smooth cups and is all one piece/no seams. I got a purple one, natch, and then went back and also got a white one. They're stretchy and comfortable but still provide support. It's like a sports bra although without any squishing and without having to pull something over your head, which is the worst when you're all sweaty and tired.

Around Baton Rouge in ~Seven Hours

Yesterday Jane and I had to be out of the house all day because some plumbers were working. There was a lot of noise, and it wasn't a safe place for a 4-year-old. It was a holiday, since Jane's school is closed Monday - Wednesday this week for Mardi Gras (such a weird place we live). We left around 9:30 and came home around 4:30, so seven hours away from the house. Here's what we did to keep ourselves "entertained" around the Red Stick:

After a swing through the bank drive thru to deposit a freelance check (hooray for banks not being closed for Mardi Gras!) we went to Old Navy to spend my Super Cash. It's such a racket, but I was able to get some things for Jane -- and she picked out a summer outfit that is super cute. I didn't fully peruse the clearance racks, but I did get a new black T-shirt for myself for $2 and an exercise bra for about the same.
Then we scooted over to Target for a quick buzz around and use some coupons I had. I almost walked out without paying for the TP that was riding in the bottom of the cart. So that meant two trips through the check out line. D'oh.
Went across the street to McAllister's Deli for lunch. YUM.
I had Googled "movies in Baton Rouge" to see what kid movie might be playing to kill a few hours in one go. (Answer: Kung Fu Panda ... NO THANK YOU.) But Google also reminded me that the butterfly movie plays at the planetarium at the Louisiana Art & Science Museum downtown. We wanted to see it when we went last time, but we did a morning trip and it didn't play until 1. Since Google said it would play Monday at 1 I oriented our time to getting to the museum by 12:30.

Long story short(er) - LASM is closed on Mondays. ALWAYS is, and this is not the first time I've tried to go on a Monday (and I HATE going downtown -- parking is the worst). And I had parked in a garage, so we did a big 20 minute round-trip walk in the cold windy weather for nothing. Jane was disappointed but OK with the alternate plan, which was to...
Head to the mall. We went to JC Penney's because I had a $10 off a $10 purchase coupon, and we found a few things for Jane (of course!). She isn't the BEST shopper, but she is getting better and enjoyed picking things out a little bit. She loved looking at herself in the mirror once I showed her that. I was carrying a bag with her picture on it, and a cashier asked me if that was a picture of my daughter/she's so beautiful! I said, yes, thanks - she's right over there. HA. After Penney's we did a few coin operated rides, played at the play area for 45 minutes then got a snack at Starbucks. I was exhausted and really needed to sit down (and could not face the carousel). Back in the car I got one more burst of power so we went...
To the library to play on the computer and read books. We didn't have our books to return so we just played and read but didn't check out anything new. The librarians were surprised to see us (we're such regulars they know we'll always be there Wednesdays around 1 p.m. after school).

If you're counting that's SIX times in and out of the car seat, which is about five too many. OMG. Even thought the plumbers weren't completely finished it was safe to come home and wait it out in Jane's room for another hour or so. It was an exhausting day, but Jane was a trooper with only a bit of fussing and crabbiness. I was probably more irritated by the whole thing, but what are you going to do?

Living in Dell Hell

I kept putting off this post thinking I would write it all down after it was resolved. Technically things are resolved, but I still don't feel like writing it AND it doesn't really feel resolved, as I'm dissatisfied 100%. But here goes, at least a brief sketch of my hassles with Dell.

My old Dell, which I'd had since 2009, was starting to wear out. It would overheat if I didn't keep it on a desk, and the battery wouldn't hold a charge. It also didn't have enough memory for the work I needed to do (started using Creative Suite, for example, and my Jane pictures were taking up too much space) and was heavy AF. It lasted almost five years, so I didn't feel bad about needing to replace it. Shawn did some research, and we bought a smaller, lighter Dell computer with much more memory. It was also silver, sleek and oh-so-cute. It arrived in October 2014, and after the file transfer I got to work and it was useful for freelance work and general use.

In December 2014 I had my first problems -- so two months of ownership. The USB ports would not work. That meant no mouse, which is really bad for me given my propensity for highlighting, copying and pasting. I was SO mad, but I thought maybe I had done something wrong to break it. Nope. Turned out it was a bad motherboard that had to be replaced. Dell sent out a repair technician in January 2015 who replaced the motherboard, and the USB ports worked again.

By spring 2015 I started having problems with the computer randomly shutting itself off. I mostly used the computer while plugged in and at a desk, so I didn't have too many of the shut downs. But once I installed Windows 10 (at the prompting of the operating system and Dell) the frequency of shut downs dramatically increased. I definitely could not use the computer at all unless plugged in and on flat surface (so no longer a true laptop or any mobile features).

We started contacting Dell help in September 2015 as I had some big freelance/volunteer projects and I needed a more reliable computer solution. Basically I needed the thing fixed. Shawn spent HOURS with the techs doing BIOS updates and troubleshooting. After one session with a tech the computer began to freeze up. It wouldn't shut off but everything would freeze for a few minutes and nothing would work. Once or twice you could handle, but this would happen every few minutes, basically rendering the system unusable. (Of course if I tried to use the computer on my lap or at an appointment it would just shut off still -- and any movement would shut it off too.)

I kept after them and did some more troubleshooting. They were sure it was a virus and we had to run a lot of software (although Shawn does a fine job of IT support for me and making sure I have the right software installed). In late September they had me send in the computer for repair, so at that point I was back to using my old computer full time -- THANK GOD I hadn't donated or tossed it already. It wasn't perfect, but it would work as long as I was plugged in.

I received the silver computer back in early October with a "repaired motherboard." Unfortunately none of the problems were corrected and the computer still shut off when moved and still froze up when you tried to use it. It was as if the technicians did not even TEST the computer before shipping it back to me. The warranty was expiring in mid-October, since I'd owned it for a year (with about 2-4 months of that was it fully usable). But they assured me that the system was covered since the problem was discovered within the warranty period.

We kept following the troubleshooting instructions and spent hours more on the phone with technicians. They were convinced it was a software issue and kept having us reinstall Windows (effectively wiping out all installed programs in the process). Shawn did that at least three times. I kept calling and bitching and finally got bumped to the "escalation team."

I had to do another round of troubleshooting with my contact there. She was very nice, and I did my best to be polite, but I was really at the end of my rope at this point and had been dealing with failure after failure for nearly two months. We did more clean up attempts with her taking over the computer remotely (of course several times the system would freeze and she'd lose the connection or just shut off entirely). She told me that Windows Defender would fix everything. It didn't.

The problems kept happening, the computer kept shutting itself off and Windows wouldn't load correctly. Still lagging and freezing and being completely unusable.

Finally the contact I'd been working with gave up and said we'll replace the system/send you a refurbished computer. OK, fine. As long as it's not the exact same model, as this system is clearly a lemon. She found one that WAS the same model and it was basically take it or leave it. So I said OK.

Nothing ever came of that because the system needed some kind of part or something that they didn't have -- nothing was ever clearly explained. Also at this time my contact got the flu (or something?) and stopped responding. A colleague eventually picked up my case, but it was a couple weeks lost because of that.

This guy strung me along for many weeks, and also was never clear about what was happening. At some point there was another system that would be shipped to me, but they were missing some keyboard part so it was canceled. No one told me it was canceled and HE was out for a while with a family emergency (I get that stuff happens, but seems pretty coincidental). I kept emailing and finally he responded to tell me about the cancellation and send me the option for a completely new system.

At this point just send me a working computer. I'd realized that I should have asked for a loaner computer or SOMETHING and that I shouldn't have had to use an old, unreliable computer for so long because they weren't able to fix their own product. But nothing ever came of THAT request, so I don't even know if loaner computers are an option.

They didn't make my model anymore (why would they? It's a gol-dang lemon!), and they said the smaller computer with the powerful processor weren't being made either so I'd need to get a bigger laptop. WHO CARES - send me a computer!

Turns out I care, as the computer they've sent is SO HEAVY and SO BIG. It doesn't fit into my laptop case (the one I used with my 2009 computer) and is just as heavy as the old model but without a DVD-drive (the smaller model I loved didn't have DVD either, but it was light-weight so I felt like it was an OK trade off).

AH!!! While I was writing this post THIS computer shut itself off. WHAT THE EVERLOVING ... ?!?!?!

This bigger, uglier (did I mention it's black with red accents - egads) computer came just before Christmas. If I weren't so crabby and fed up about the whole thing it would have felt like a nice "present," but it was all just annoying. I also still have the broken, smaller silver computer and can't get anyone at Dell to send me a shipping label (or tell me where to send it!) so I can get it out of my house. The contact on the "escalation team" has stopped responding (maybe another family emergency?), so I guess I'll start back bitching on social media to get this lemon off my hands.

The warranty on this computer was only one month, unless I wanted to pay extra, which I did NOT -- Dell has enough of my money. When I asked for more details on that I got no response. But I've had it for more than a month, so I assume any problems I encounter now will leave me S.O.L. So far the graphics processor is not great -- it's like a fancy gaming system and shuts down sometimes randomly (at least it "fixes" itself), and then there's the random shut downs, sometimes with a "kernel_security_check_failure" error code in case I want to look it up later.

I don't have plant so replace this computer any time soon. I'll just deal with the weight and ugliness. But down the road I won't buy another Dell in all likelihood. I know that any company would be the same -- delay, delay, delay to avoid being out any money to make things right, but my experience with Dell makes me KNOW that's how they are so I'll avoid that if I can.

Free TV is Not Frustration-Free TV

We've been without cable and DVR for more than a year, but we still had regular cable because the company never turned it off (we're still Internet and phone customers and overpay for that so I didn't feel too bad about that, although maybe I should?). It was just the basic 60 or so channels, and I'd watch the networks and maybe one or two others on occasion (big fan of Hallmark and Lifetime for Christmas movies, and I watched the heck out of Big Bang on TBS).

But now the cable company has started "transitioning to digital," which means if I were going to keep even the basic level of cable we'd have to get a digital converter box to somehow change the signal. I'd obviously have to start paying, and when I looked it up it's like $33/month. Well, I like TV, but not $400 per year without the ability to time shift programming. (See: cheapness in all my latest posts!)

The cable company is also in a fight with the local NBC affiliate, so that signal is blocked through our remaining wall cable channels. My mom had given us an indoor antenna to try when we initially canceled cable (I forget why she bought it - maybe for herself and it didn't work in Indy?). Last week The Black List (on NBC) was new, so I used that as a reason to give the antenna a try.

It works, and NBC is very clear as is Fox. I've been able to try a few times and get ABC, which is good because we like their weather guy (and making fun of their local news coverage - OMG). But for the life of me I cannot get CBS. All the stations are within 10-15 miles of us, and we can get some that are even farther away from the local CBS affiliate (WAFB if anyone is doing a search for "WAFB signal not working over the air" or something -- not that I have a solution yet). It has something to do with UHF vs VHF signal (VHF being weaker apparently, although the ABC station is that type too and I was able to eventually get it to work OK).

I want CBS for Big Bang Theory (new episodes) and the weekend news -- LOVE their weekend anchor, probably my favorite local reporter. Obviously I've dramatically cut back on my TV watching and shows I'm involved with - watching more with Amazon or similar. (Remember NaBloPoMo a few years back and I listed every show I watched as its own post -- that schtick lasted me nearly the entire month! Now it would be about three or four posts, so progress (?). )

ANYWAY, back to the actual problem - do we try another antenna, i.e. throw some more money at it? I can try to adjust the antenna a few more times (somewhere I read online that someone was able to get the signal by raising their antenna and the signal stayed even when they lowered it back). I know the channel (9) so I can just keep trying to force the antenna to search for it as I move it around, but so far it hasn't been able to lock on. If you're local and figure it out will you let me know?

For the love - why can't anything just be EASY!?!?!?!?!

Collection of Updates

We are going back to ballet today. Woe. When I contacted the dance studio they said all funds would be reset on June 30 so we could take a break but have to come back before that. Given our spring timeline that's not realistic SO we're going to do two more months and stop at the end of February. At some point we may just want to walk away from the money (Jane still says "I don't wanna go!") I'm so cheap though. SO CHEAP!

I've stretched out my silver sparkle Toms shoes to the point they are comfortable. When I bought them they were so uncomfortable, but somehow they've become my go-to shoes (although it's taken more than a year -- I bought them from Zulily in November 2014 ... not that I wore them much before recently). I think the trick is wearing them with thin socks. My Bobs, which are similar and were handed down to me from my mom, have never felt uncomfortable and I can wear without socks. Maybe when it is consistently warmer again I'll try the sparkle Toms without socks, but for now I'm glad to have a pair of semi-cute and comfy slip ons. I still don't get all the fuss and they seem overpriced even if they're "giving another pair to a kid in need," but what do I know?

We've re-arranged our sunroom to put my desk closer to a grounded outlet (joys of owning a ~1960s-era home). I think I'm used to it now, although my back is to the window. I've always had this window covered (clipping on a baby quilt -- CLASSY), but no official window treatments because Shawn likes it "clean" and "open." Well, it looks not so clean this way and there's no way to take it down/put it up without climbing on chairs or the table so it stays up, defeating the idea of "openness" too. The blanket does block the glare so I can work in the afternoons as needed, but still. If you have any (inexpensive) ideas for window treatments that can retract/be out of sight part of the time let me know. We have three big windows plus glass French doors (although I don't see us covering up the doors).

We have a lot more rearranging and organizing left to do, but things are coming together for 2016. How's your New Year shaping up?

Bullet Journal FAIL: Late for a Conference Call

Scene: Target checkout line. ~10:50 a.m.

Me: Checking my phone to pull up Cartwheel app for a discount (that didn't even apply anyway ... stupid, stupid, stupid), and because I'm connected to Target wifi I can see a new email message letting me know my 11 a.m. conference call (Google Hangout) would be starting a little late.

Cue: PANIC, increased blood pressure, omigod-omigod-omigod!

I type back a reply that I messed up the dates so would be even later, get through checkout without sobbing and high tail it to the car. Throw in the goods and peel out. Get stuck behind a slow-AF truck on Highland (maybe should have taken the Interstate, but that's always risky),

I still made it home by 11:15, set up the Google Hangout and get into the call without missing too much. (Because of the delay I was probably only 7 minutes off the call's actual start time, but still.)

My heart is still racing thinking about it.

Thankfully the call itself was good and productive, and we talked further later in the afternoon (while Jane watched a Thomas - lucky girl ... and lucky me that our Internet could handle streaming that video and the Google Hangout, although that was voice-only at least).

But here's the thing - where did I go wrong? I put the meeting on my Google Calendar but forgot to put a reminder. I don't think I put it in my small pocket calendar (lives in my purse) because the meeting was just set late last week and I don't necessarily look at that small calendar that often. (For some reason I was thinking the call was tomorrow.)

I didn't check either the Google calendar or my pocket calendar when I made my "daily page" for today, which is an error on my part obviously. How do I get in the habit? Is this a reason why you have your calendar in the bullet journal directly -- or at least a list of dates w/ a line to input time sensitive appointments like that?

I remember things MUCH better if I physically write them down. That's part of the allure of the bullet journal. But it only works if I WRITE STUFF DOWN!!!

Late to the Keurig Bandwagon

Coffee Addict

Another Christmas present from this year was a Keurig from my inlaws. I have had it on my wish list for a while but figured it was too extravagant, and it really is.

This one can do the single cup brews AND brew a small pot of coffee. I immediately went to Amazon and ordered the reusable pods so I can just use regular ground coffee for both single cup and pot brewing. They work OK, but the best flavor so far is single brew with pre-made pods and selecting "strong" for the brew. Even decaf tastes delish. I'm sure with a little more trial and error I'll get the reusable pod down (how much to put in, how much to tamp it down, etc.).

Shawn's been out of town this week and his hotel room had a Keurig brewer and they provided K-cups. I told him to squirrel them away each day and bring them home to me! He said he has about 10 to bring and toward the end they started leaving him 3 per day thinking he must be a coffee fanatic. LOL at that because he really doesn't even like to try it. He accidentally ordered me a latte when I could only have plain coffee during our November travels, and instead of tossing it he drank it and was only MEH about it. Oh Shawn.

I'm trying very hard not to overdo it on the coffee, although I'm pretty much drinking exclusively decaf. But it's so convenient (and reminds me of a few of my offices I worked in that had similar brew stations and I would drink SO MUCH COFFEE just because it was there). And since it's cool-ish here finally (for now) drinking something warm throughout the day is very appealing.

The brewer can also do hot water for tea (or you can buy tea K-cups?) and also they make hot chocolate K-cups and other specialty type drinks that would have the milk-ish stuff pre-mixed in it. I'm not sure how I'd feel about that. So for now I'll stick with my mainly black, mostly decaf hot coffee and enjoy.

Thanks again, Grandma Dale!

Jane's Stewardship Thoughts

January is stewardship month at our church this year, so the first sermon of 2016 set the ground work. Our pastor talked about how we can grasp too tightly to the gifts God gives us. The thought puzzle was that letting go brings more and grasping or clinging brings less. (He cited Parker Palmer's The Promise of Paradox for that concept.)

Tuesday during lunch, apropos of nothing, Jane said, "When you close your hands tight you say no to God. when you open them up you are saying yes," and she did the accompanying hand motions. I asked where she learned that and she said "church" very nonchalantly. I asked - "from Pastor Jay's sermon?" And she said, "Yeah." (Kind of like - you were there too - don't you remember?!)

SO -- at least part of the stewardship message is getting through a 4-year-old's skull, and I take this as strong evidence to support my fervent belief that kids belong in worship with us. I also hope my heart and mind can be as open as hers is, and that as a family we can take steps to increase our giving, even in a time of our life that's got some financial uncertainty, at least as far as my earning power goes.

Christmas Project Gift: Shell Frames

One of our projects for Christmas was to make these BEAUTIFUL frames for Jane's grandmas (also known as my mom and Shawn's mom).

We collected a lot of shells on our beach trip to the Outer Banks in May, and this was a good way to use them. Shawn made the frames in his workshop, and he had glass cut to fit, added hangers, etc.

I laid out all the shells and Jane decided which ones went on which frame. She worked hard on the placement. Then she decided who got each frame (I took all the pictures, and I decided who got which picture so put the chosen picture into the corresponding frame).

I hot glued the shells in place, and Jane and Shawn signed the frame backs. (Maybe I should have signed the prints themselves as the photographer? LOL.)

They didn't travel so great -- some shells fell off in transit, but hopefully will be easy enough to glue on. Of course Jane chose frames with huge, heavy shells for her grandmas. Mine is the top one in this picture and it's my favorite (I love that sandcastle picture -- she's looking up and laughing at her dad flying her kite -- and it's only slightly Photoshopped in that I removed some trash/junk in the sand behind her). We already have it hanging in the living room. My mom got the second one pictured (obviously) -- I love Jane's carefree stance, wonder-full stare and adorable preschooler belly. The last one, for my mother-in-law, is a picture of the Walkers with their pride & joys -- everyone in their shades.

Shawn also made a GORGEOUS stained frame, which we put a Jane picture in and also hung in our living room. It was less of a family affair though, and I didn't take a picture of it. He's quite the craftsman!

Not a Ballerina

image via pixabay

After a lot of thought and many "are you sures?" we've decided to give up on ballet classes, at least for now.

It is just a beginner 3-year-old class -- 45 minutes per week on Tuesday afternoons. But Jane was having such trouble, and I felt like I never got a kind word from the teacher. It was only problems, dirty looks, a couple of lectures and annoyance. Jane was even booted from class once for not cooperating (with five minutes left in the class!) -- and after watching during the parent day it's pretty clear most of the girls don't cooperate that much... (But I don't want to be that parent -- I know Jane can be difficult and not cooperate. I'm the person she drives craziest, with Shawn a close second.)

The traffic getting home after class is always terrible (and includes a scary left turn across Bluebonnet). The bottom line though is that Jane doesn't want to do ballet any more, and I don't want to have to cajole her every week, even if some weeks she has a good time.

But I still feel AWFUL to quit. We are not quitters! (But we are!)

I also had already paid $85 for the "informance" (informal performance) that won't happen until MAY. I wish I had listened to my gut and just waited writing the check, but I didn't and it's non-refundable. When I asked if we could get the money back if we quit they told me she could "take a break" and we could apply those funds to tuition later (but I'm waiting on confirmation of that of course now that we've made our decision to quit). Half of me wants to just apply the $85 to January and February tuition and make a clean break after that, but this holiday break from the ballet class stress has been great and I'd like to continue that.

I HATE the idea of possibly losing money, but we can try again in the fall (or maybe the summer? I'm not sure if they have summer sessions). Maybe we'll choose a Saturday morning class instead of an evening one. Jane is always better in the mornings, but I didn't want to give up our weekends. Maybe for just a couple of months we could swing it though. I really don't see us going long-term with ballet even if we start up again -- I have no problems with that, since this was just something "fun" to do that turned out not so much.

I hate missing the opportunity to record and photograph her showing off what she learned (and she has learned some things), but not enough to keep making her do something she doesn't like. So we've signed up for the much cheaper soccer session -- no team, practices or games, just fun. And that will be our activity for the spring.

Christmas Cards

I'm not the friendliest person, but are there tips to getting ON someone's Christmas card list? I feel like a reject since we barely got any Christmas cards this year. I sent out around 80, and I think about 5 were returned as undeliverable, so say 75 reached their destinations. We probably received 12 cards. I don't send cards only in order to receive cards, but it sure would be nice to get a few more in return!

I wonder if people are just not sending out cards at all any more OR if we're not making the cut and I should take a hint and take people off our list. What a crazy "problem" to have. Good grief.

But here's the thing. I LOVE doing Christmas cards. I like picking the photo (this year it was just my best recent one of Jane and I didn't even try a separate Christmassy photo shoot -- and I even included a family photo of the three of us from my cousin's wedding in November). I like shopping for the best deals on cards and trying out a million templates until I find the one I like best (and that Shawn can agree to). I like addressing the cards and thinking about each family as I do. I like buying cute Christmas stamps and rubber stamping on our return address. I even like writing brief notes and/or signing our names. (I don't particularly like sealing the envelopes, so Shawn does that with a wet rag.)

So I won't STOP doing cards, at least not while I have photogenic offspring. I get a lot of pleasure from the whole process. I love receiving mail almost as much as I love sending it ... and I just don't have many opportunities to send snail mail these days (Christmas cards and thank you cards are about it!).

If you want a Christmas card from me next year and didn't get one this year will you email me your address? And then I'll give you my address, and we can be Christmas pen pals... Thanks!

Caught Up on The Mindy Project

Because I am cheap (frugal?) I don't have a Hulu account, so I've been missing The Mindy Project that moved there from Fox (which is still dead to me). My mom did a free week trial from Hulu over the holidays (although it said it was a free month in the original email -- I know because I almost signed up myself). She didn't cancel soon enough because of another shady email technique and so paid $7.99 for the month (or maybe just for the remaining three weeks? I'm not sure on that).

She couldn't really find anything on there she wanted to watch so is definitely canceling, but while she had an active account she gave me the password so I could watch The Mindy Project episodes that have been airing on Hulu. I got caught up last night. *SPOILERS AHEAD*

Basically I don't much like this season of Mindy. The pregnancy stuff was lame (especially since she's an OB-GYN so she should have been more educated about her birth options) and then her relationship with Danny is so dumb and dissolving. Before this season the show was a romantic comedy and there was a big sweeping romance to put them together. Now it's just meanness and ugliness and not actually talking to each other. Yech. But in the very first season Danny was really sh*tty to her - he said something about her weight that I would have never been able to recover from enough to like him let alone have a baby with him. (And even though Mindy "looks" big on TV she's really a 6 or 8 so not actually heavy at all in the real world, and again he's supposed to be an OB-GYN too and the weight comment was in context of her as his patient or something ... if I'm remembering correctly. Just YECH.)

I'm not sure where the show will go from here, because the end seemed pretty clear that she was going to stand up for herself and break up with him. They do have the baby together, and they work together so it's not like they'll just write Danny out of the show (I think?). A point of contention in their relationship is whether she should stay home or go to work, and he wanted her to have another baby immediately, which doesn't make much sense since, as again they're supposed to be DOCTORS.

I may sign up for a free trial of my own after the rest of this seasons episodes air and watch them then. I'm definitely not paying $8/month (so basically $2/show because they add one to the queue ever week) for a show that's infuriating more than it's funny ... although it is still quite funny and I like the Morgan character v. much.

Boxing Up Christmas

I really think I put up my Christmas decorations too early this year -- as in the day after Thanksgiving. Next year I'll push myself to wait.

Advent is about waiting, and I really could have used that time before Advent to remain Christmas-free so I wasn't itching to put everything away now, when it's actually still Christmas!

The 12 days of Christmas begin on December 25, and they end on January 6 with Epiphany (or Three Kings Day). We celebrate that in our house, so it feels a little wrong to have put away all the Christmas decorations before that finale. So I wait.

But oh, the nester in me would like to get started with the boxing and the wrapping next year's Advent books. I'd like to clean and organize and start other preparations for our 2016 changes. But my waiting continues.

I'm trying to enjoy the lights and decorations a little longer. I have done a few organizational things unrelated to Christmas stuff, and I've got quite a pile of wrapping-for-next-year, my Xmas books and other bits and bobs started in our bedroom as a staging area, waiting for when I do get the boxes and really start putting things away.

Even after I complete my Christmas boxing there is more to do. Closets to organize, furniture to move, etc. It's quite daunting no matter what, and I probably have another somewhat big job starting in January that will take up a lot of my child-free time.

How long do you leave up your holiday decorations? Do you think I'm being crazy for waiting to put mine away?

Fitbit Loner

I got a lot of great Christmas gifts this year, including a Fitbit Flex from my mama. It was on the top of my wish list, and she even got me one with a purple band! These things came out in 2013, but I'm not what you'd call an early adopter (big reasons why are being cheap and wanting a product with at least some of the early kinks worked out).

I'm still learning the lingo and system, but so far it's fun and a motivator to move more. I haven't reached 10K steps yet, which is the default daily goal. I knocked it down to 5K, and with a bit of effort (actually leaving the house and walking around the block) I've met that for a few days in a row. (Today we went to Walmart and I pushed the cart with one hand so my arm was swinging naturally and those steps would count -- then I paced in the house after supper until the bracelet vibrated and lit up in celebration at 5K.)

I don't have any "friends" in the Fitbit system, and I prefer it that way. As an online writer/blogger I do put some of myself out there, but I definitely don't give away a lot of minutia or anything really private. So the idea of anyone seeing how much I walk (or DON'T walk) in a given day is horrifying. Do your friends have access to your sleep data? Ugh.

I like the sleep tracking feature, although I'm not sure how accurate it is. I had a REALLY hard time falling asleep last night but it still shows me as getting a full 8+ hours. I definitely was laying down and in bed for that long, but I don't know about asleep. It's based on how much your wrist moves, and honestly when I'm laying there reading on my Kindle Fire (another great Xmas present from my mom a couple years back!) my wrist doesn't move much so maybe it thinks I'm sleeping then?

Data is data, and even if it's wrong it's still wrong consistently and I can spot trends.

Do you have a Fitbit or another exercise tracker? Do you like the motivation of other people seeing your stats?