Amidst the Christmas cheer and glad tidings of great joy I harbor confusion and crankiness.
I'm not sure I'm "doing Christmas" right. Not reverently enough. Not enough attention to Advent. Not even fully understanding Advent.
Christ already came, died and was resurrected. Shouldn't we be "Easter people" all the time?
In my attempts to do everything "right," for Jane, myself, our family, I wander ...
or something. Trying to mold church tradition into my limited
understanding and general doubts. Turning it over in my mind without it
making any sense.
Shawn had to remind me that it's really about waiting for the second coming after I expressed my unease with this repetitive calendar cycle when nothing really changes. I know I'm approaching Christmas in the wrong way. And it makes me anxious.
Will I ever "get it"? There are sparks of clarity that are fleeting. My soul does cry out for Jesus -- come, Lord Jesus, come, even while he is here with me. How does that work?!