I used to crochet like a maniac. I could whip out hats and baby blankets like nobody's business.
I haven't been crocheting at all over the last year.
Feeling demoralized politically and philosophically takes away my drive to create? I also am stuck on a project for Jane -- it's thread and a dress for a doll, originally for a bear but now she has a doll that will fit it so I bet it will be for her now.
But I have a list of things I want to make -- a new baby cousin coming (in like 3 weeks) who has nothing handmade from me, girls who will be in cold weather soon who can use some cute new matching sister hats.
But my hooks still lay still.
We don't have cable TV anymore, and both girls' routines usually take us until 8, which reduces the amount of sitting time I have and the time I'm inspired to sit in front of the TV. I can definitely find time to crochet during the day, but I haven't.
I'm not sure what else I've been doing because I'm not reading as much as usual either. My Goodreads goal probably won't be met this year. And I can read fast. But not fast enough to catch up by the end of the year I think.
The Little Mermaid Jr.
Back in August Jane tried out for the elementary school musical, The Little Mermaid, Jr. She didn't make it -- there were 180+ try outs for about 70 spots, most of which are NOT for Kindergarteners of course. So we don't feel too bad.
Tonight was opening night, and since the Sunday afternoon tickets were sold out by the time I went to buy ours (within hours of the email that they were on sale!) Thursday was the only night left. (Two performances only.) Daddy and Liv stayed home (and he got her to sleep without me!), so it was a Mama and Jane date.
The tickets said 6 p.m., but everything else I'd seen -- info from the class, the actual email -- said 6:30 p.m., so that's what I had in my head. I checked the tickets at about 5 p.m. as I was making dinner. YIKES!
We quick ate our supper and hit the road. Turns out 6:30 is correct, but there was a line out the door. They opened the doors at about 5:45, and thankfully we were able to find pretty good seats, since we only needed two together. I saw some empty seats, even though they said they were sold out. Probably some people stood or sat on the floor rather than sit near the wall?
The costumes and sets were incredible. The acting and singing and dancing were good for their ages. I really liked the lead actress. We've seen her before in Junie B. Jones at BR Playmakers, and it has started our love affair with the audio books. Seriously Jane listens to them as much as possible, and I like them too for the most part. But that's another story... When the music teacher/director spoke before the play I was afraid it was going to be super-high quality, but it was just a good elementary-school play with mainly 4th and 5th graders.
I did feel bad for the Ariel girl, since her costume was not flattering and the wig was a wild, cheap looking thing. Ursula looked AWESOME, although I didn't love the fat suit/donut tire they had around her waist. Ariel had a better voice and memory though. It was clear why she was chosen lead. Sebastian was funny, but I'm not sure how appropriate it is to have a little blonde kid doing a Jamaican accent? Am I too sensitive?!
One of Jane's classmates was in the play (as a fish and princess in the big song numbers), so she really wanted to stay and see her. But it was 8 p.m. when we finally left. Bedtime is normally 7:30/8, and we had to take a bath tonight (I couldn't get it together to get her clean before we left -- she had a lot of birthday present playing and coloring to do!).
When we did get home, with Liv still asleep, Jane was WILD. Staying up late does NOT agree with her. She ran -- in her socks on tile, which is so stressful as one bad fall and we'd be back in the ER for a re-set of her arm -- and hid and acted crazy. It took about 45 minutes to get her calm, bathed, dressed, teeth brushed and in bed. I hope she gets a good night sleep.
Jane said tomorrow her class is going to get to see the play. I don't see how that's possible -- it's a 2 hour show, and surely they won't shut down the whole elementary school ... plus I'm not sure they can fit them all in that auditorium? But if it is true I wish they'd told us, since I wouldn't have taken her if I knew she could see it in class. BUT I remembered that tomorrow she has another appointment for her cast X-rays. I really hope while she's out that she doesn't miss the play ... or whatever it is related to that she'd get to see.
Tonight was opening night, and since the Sunday afternoon tickets were sold out by the time I went to buy ours (within hours of the email that they were on sale!) Thursday was the only night left. (Two performances only.) Daddy and Liv stayed home (and he got her to sleep without me!), so it was a Mama and Jane date.
The tickets said 6 p.m., but everything else I'd seen -- info from the class, the actual email -- said 6:30 p.m., so that's what I had in my head. I checked the tickets at about 5 p.m. as I was making dinner. YIKES!
We quick ate our supper and hit the road. Turns out 6:30 is correct, but there was a line out the door. They opened the doors at about 5:45, and thankfully we were able to find pretty good seats, since we only needed two together. I saw some empty seats, even though they said they were sold out. Probably some people stood or sat on the floor rather than sit near the wall?
The costumes and sets were incredible. The acting and singing and dancing were good for their ages. I really liked the lead actress. We've seen her before in Junie B. Jones at BR Playmakers, and it has started our love affair with the audio books. Seriously Jane listens to them as much as possible, and I like them too for the most part. But that's another story... When the music teacher/director spoke before the play I was afraid it was going to be super-high quality, but it was just a good elementary-school play with mainly 4th and 5th graders.
I did feel bad for the Ariel girl, since her costume was not flattering and the wig was a wild, cheap looking thing. Ursula looked AWESOME, although I didn't love the fat suit/donut tire they had around her waist. Ariel had a better voice and memory though. It was clear why she was chosen lead. Sebastian was funny, but I'm not sure how appropriate it is to have a little blonde kid doing a Jamaican accent? Am I too sensitive?!
One of Jane's classmates was in the play (as a fish and princess in the big song numbers), so she really wanted to stay and see her. But it was 8 p.m. when we finally left. Bedtime is normally 7:30/8, and we had to take a bath tonight (I couldn't get it together to get her clean before we left -- she had a lot of birthday present playing and coloring to do!).
When we did get home, with Liv still asleep, Jane was WILD. Staying up late does NOT agree with her. She ran -- in her socks on tile, which is so stressful as one bad fall and we'd be back in the ER for a re-set of her arm -- and hid and acted crazy. It took about 45 minutes to get her calm, bathed, dressed, teeth brushed and in bed. I hope she gets a good night sleep.
Jane said tomorrow her class is going to get to see the play. I don't see how that's possible -- it's a 2 hour show, and surely they won't shut down the whole elementary school ... plus I'm not sure they can fit them all in that auditorium? But if it is true I wish they'd told us, since I wouldn't have taken her if I knew she could see it in class. BUT I remembered that tomorrow she has another appointment for her cast X-rays. I really hope while she's out that she doesn't miss the play ... or whatever it is related to that she'd get to see.
A Sixth Birthday
A second birthday cake for a six-year-old girl. This one I bought from Ambrosia Bakery. I got white icing because it looks prettier with the pink, but the cake itself was chocolate with chocolate buttercream inside. It was also THICKLY iced. Like, THICK to the point of tasting too much and too sweet. Jane ate some, and Liv ate some cake itself. Cake is probably her new favorite word. Jane would NEVER have eaten cake when she was 19 months old. Perish the thought. Things change I guess.
I had a great time going to Jane's class and reading Twinderella -- a "fractioned" fairy tail because it was a re-telling of a fairy tale and this one used fractions -- halves, quarters, doubles. The teacher said it was her best reader yet, mainly because of how well the book fit into their unit. We had checked it out of the library by chance from the new books section. I also got to eat lunch with Jane, and that was fun. Daddy stayed home with Liv. He took her to her library story time so she didn't have to miss that. Sweet potato!
This afternoon I was going to take Jane shopping for a new lamp, but she decided she'd rather go home and open her presents. She's got a ton of great things from family and us. My absolute favorite was when she opened the Target Our Generation doll (a knock-off style of American Girl Dolls) she jumped up and said "thank you, thank you, thank you, Mommy" and came and tackled me in a huge hug and let me snuggle her for a long time. I think I'm going to have some fun crocheting clothes for her doll, which she named Indigo, and probably buying some matching Jane and Indigo outfits too.
Anyway, Jane said I could pick out her lamp on my own later, so I will. Only requirement is pink, her favorite color. We've re-arranged Jane's room to make for a side table and access to a lamp, tissue, trash can, water, etc. Still getting used to it, but it's a good set up.
Domestic posts don't make for good blog fodder, but someday I'll be glad for these ramblings, just like I'm grateful for the record of my weeks in email format.
Area 51 Reservation System Hack
Before Jane broke her arm we had planned to celebrate her sixth birthday at Area 51, a trampoline place. We've gone several times and she loves it. Shawn likes it too. We had to rearrange the party at the last minute, and thankfully Area 51 gave us a refund, but I worked out a "hack" for using their RSVP system.
It's a little weird how it's set up. You can have electronic invitations, but they are really weird looking, and it requires you have an email address for everyone. It gives you the option to print them, but when you do that you can't use the online RSVP system, which automatically gives a link to download the required waiver. I looked for the link, thinking it was the same for everyone, but it turns out the system creates an individual link for each person who's invited.
I didn't have email addresses for all of Jane's classmates, so we had to print out invites. The Area 51 print system made them look quite janky, so we skipped that.
After a bit of thought I decided to print my own invites and use Bit.ly to shorten the individual links. Each girl had their own RSVP link (bit.ly/Janebday#). It actually worked! Except most parents didn't RSVP at all. One girl showed up without RSVP'ing and 5 out of 11 didn't show up and didn't RSVP. Not bad.
Of course we had to re-do the party at the last minute and re-send the invitations. I ended up emailing the entire class, since I couldn't get the girls' moms email addresses separated. I found a really cute free clip art of a girl with a broken arm and sent change-of-plan invites to the girls again in their folders at school.
Alls well that ends well, and it was a great party. I don't know if we'll ever do a party at Area 51. I'm too nervous about broken bones to think about anything like that again right now. Just want to wrap my girls in bubble wrap and keep them home in my lap!
It's a little weird how it's set up. You can have electronic invitations, but they are really weird looking, and it requires you have an email address for everyone. It gives you the option to print them, but when you do that you can't use the online RSVP system, which automatically gives a link to download the required waiver. I looked for the link, thinking it was the same for everyone, but it turns out the system creates an individual link for each person who's invited.
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| Clip art from Melonheadz Illustrating |
After a bit of thought I decided to print my own invites and use Bit.ly to shorten the individual links. Each girl had their own RSVP link (bit.ly/Janebday#). It actually worked! Except most parents didn't RSVP at all. One girl showed up without RSVP'ing and 5 out of 11 didn't show up and didn't RSVP. Not bad.
Of course we had to re-do the party at the last minute and re-send the invitations. I ended up emailing the entire class, since I couldn't get the girls' moms email addresses separated. I found a really cute free clip art of a girl with a broken arm and sent change-of-plan invites to the girls again in their folders at school.
Alls well that ends well, and it was a great party. I don't know if we'll ever do a party at Area 51. I'm too nervous about broken bones to think about anything like that again right now. Just want to wrap my girls in bubble wrap and keep them home in my lap!
A Calling
I do not have one that I can discern. Should I be worried?
Or does my calling to motherhood count?
I often feel like I'm spinning my wheels. There's no accomplishment in the daily grind, although it's certainly pleasing to see my girls grow.
Am I called to a writer life of some sort? Or general communications? What story am I called to tell? Or can I tell any story as I hustle for work? (Which I really haven't done in so long ... am I rusty?)
Am I too controlling? Want to be in charge or not do anything at all? Or too small? Not wanting to be responsible for anything other than tasks given me?
Pre-mid-life crisis I guess. Not really a crisis of course. Just thinking...
Trader Joe's flowers for Jane's birthday;
Or does my calling to motherhood count?
I often feel like I'm spinning my wheels. There's no accomplishment in the daily grind, although it's certainly pleasing to see my girls grow.
Am I called to a writer life of some sort? Or general communications? What story am I called to tell? Or can I tell any story as I hustle for work? (Which I really haven't done in so long ... am I rusty?)
Am I too controlling? Want to be in charge or not do anything at all? Or too small? Not wanting to be responsible for anything other than tasks given me?
Pre-mid-life crisis I guess. Not really a crisis of course. Just thinking...
Trader Joe's flowers for Jane's birthday;
"Only" 9 p.m.
It's end of Daylight Savings Time. This is my preferred mode of time -- regular old time. Darker earlier is fine with me. Getting up in daylight seems a little easier. But man, I'm tired. Liv's clock hasn't re-set yet, and so neither has mine. Jane slept in a little, which is good for her and her healing bone. And it was easy peasy to get to church on time.
Here is Jane's Kookie Cookie painting in GIF form:
I went to a church meeting this evening -- an ongoing dialogue about race. That's when I heard about the Texas church shooting today. Thoughts and prayers aren't enough. But if we'll allow children to be slayed in their Kindergarten classroom and do nothing, I don't think worshipers at church -- actively praying at the time they were gunned down -- will change legislation or attitudes either. Disgusted and upset is an understatement. #FuckTheNRA
Here is Jane's Kookie Cookie painting in GIF form:
I went to a church meeting this evening -- an ongoing dialogue about race. That's when I heard about the Texas church shooting today. Thoughts and prayers aren't enough. But if we'll allow children to be slayed in their Kindergarten classroom and do nothing, I don't think worshipers at church -- actively praying at the time they were gunned down -- will change legislation or attitudes either. Disgusted and upset is an understatement. #FuckTheNRA
Sixth Party
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| Six balloons plus a SIX balloon. |
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| A six-shaped cheese and fruit plate |
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| Six balloons on our address post |
Day of Preparations
Today has been a busy day. Jane stayed home this morning, since we had an orthopedic surgeon appointment at 10 a.m. It was a LONG morning, but maybe easier than taking her to school, picking her up and hour and a half later? I don't know.
The appointment was OK, and Shawn stayed with the baby. I can take her with me next time now that I know what to expect. We have to go back and check weekly to make sure the bone is staying in place, which means weekly X-rays, ugh. The appointment felt rushed after waiting so long. I am totally freaking out about the whole thing, but what else is new. I'd like to ask a lot of questions. Maybe I'll just call and talk to a nurse about my worries next week.
In between that, mopping the floors and carpool I baked Jane's cake for her party tomorrow. (We're also buying a cake from Ambrosia Bakery for Heavenly Hash at church on her actual birthday.)
For her party Jane wanted a half chocolate-half vanilla cake. If we'd had the party at the trampoline place as planned I would have just bought the cake too, but in an effort to save money (the painting party is about the cost of a cake more than the trampoline party was), I decided to make it. Especially since it doesn't need to be transported!
The chocolate cake is DELICIOUS. I used the same Pioneer Woman best chocolate sheet cake recipe as last year, although I didn't do the fudgy frosting. I made a basic vanilla cake from the Internet, and that was a mistake. I should have found a Pioneer Woman one or some other trusted site. The cake is fine, but when you taste the chocolate it's sad in comparison. (I got to taste both because I didn't cut the cakes exactly evenly, so when I stacked the top layers were smaller than the bottom layers. So I sliced a bit out of the middle and smooshed the remaining cake together to make it even.)
I made my sister's/aunt's buttercream frosting that's basically Crisco and powdered sugar. You whip it for 10 minutes (in the Kitchen-Aid) so it's light and fluffy. I needed a recipe and a half, so a TON of frosting! The pink is sanding sugar that I got on 70% off after Valentine's Day this year at Target. I used cookie cutters, sprinkled the sugar in with a baby spoon (I had to freehand a bit for the inside of the A and the 6). And then I just sprinkled around the edge to get a little border.
By no means professional, and I can't do a crumb coat to save my life ... perhaps it's about that lack of patience?! But as long as Jane likes it it will be just fine!
My kingdom for a bigger kitchen!
The appointment was OK, and Shawn stayed with the baby. I can take her with me next time now that I know what to expect. We have to go back and check weekly to make sure the bone is staying in place, which means weekly X-rays, ugh. The appointment felt rushed after waiting so long. I am totally freaking out about the whole thing, but what else is new. I'd like to ask a lot of questions. Maybe I'll just call and talk to a nurse about my worries next week.
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| Sixth birthday cake frosting procedure |
For her party Jane wanted a half chocolate-half vanilla cake. If we'd had the party at the trampoline place as planned I would have just bought the cake too, but in an effort to save money (the painting party is about the cost of a cake more than the trampoline party was), I decided to make it. Especially since it doesn't need to be transported!
The chocolate cake is DELICIOUS. I used the same Pioneer Woman best chocolate sheet cake recipe as last year, although I didn't do the fudgy frosting. I made a basic vanilla cake from the Internet, and that was a mistake. I should have found a Pioneer Woman one or some other trusted site. The cake is fine, but when you taste the chocolate it's sad in comparison. (I got to taste both because I didn't cut the cakes exactly evenly, so when I stacked the top layers were smaller than the bottom layers. So I sliced a bit out of the middle and smooshed the remaining cake together to make it even.)
I made my sister's/aunt's buttercream frosting that's basically Crisco and powdered sugar. You whip it for 10 minutes (in the Kitchen-Aid) so it's light and fluffy. I needed a recipe and a half, so a TON of frosting! The pink is sanding sugar that I got on 70% off after Valentine's Day this year at Target. I used cookie cutters, sprinkled the sugar in with a baby spoon (I had to freehand a bit for the inside of the A and the 6). And then I just sprinkled around the edge to get a little border.
By no means professional, and I can't do a crumb coat to save my life ... perhaps it's about that lack of patience?! But as long as Jane likes it it will be just fine!
My kingdom for a bigger kitchen!
Répondez s'il vous plaît
Jane's birthday party is this Saturday. We were originally going to have it at Area 51, a local trampoline place, but she broke her arm on Friday -- a drama I might write about in detail or might not -- so the jumping isn't such a great idea any more.
We were able to cancel with no penalty, and we have changed the party venue to our house. Painting & Pinot, a local studio that does kid birthday parties, will come and lead our guests in a painting. They bring everything -- tables, chairs, easels, smocks, paint, canvases, etc. It should be fun, and even though it means WAY more work for me -- I wasn't expecting to clean house! -- it will be less anxiety producing.
But what's really perplexing me is the lack of RSVP from the parents of girls in her class. We wavered on who to invite to the party -- we were limited to 15 kids at the trampoline party, and there are 11 other girls in her class. We could have easily invited friends from outside of the class, and we had two competing guests lists. In the end Jane wanted her school friends to come, so we invited the girls. (You can invite everyone -- all 26 kids -- or all girls/boys depending on the party kid's gender.)
About half of the girls have responded. I get waiting to the last minute for an in-house party. But people weren't responding when it was a trampoline party, which is a $$$ thing, and I'd have had to pay for 15 kids regardless of how many showed up. So I would have liked to have invited other kids to fill the spots if some of her classmates can't make it.
I mentioned this to someone in email, kind of as a joke, and she leapt to the defense. "As a busy working mom with a child in full-time care I don't RSVP until Wednesday or Thursday before. I just don't know how we want our weekends will be until then." (She's a friend who RSVP'ed right away/not a classmate, so it was weird on multiple levels.) So much for Southern politeness, right?!
As it is I'm not sure how many girls will show up. I will have to pay extra if there are more than 10 kids painting, but it's not too bad. I'll share some pictures after the fact, and hope that I can get the house together and make the cake (to save money I'm making it myself, whereas I planned to just buy it for the trampoline party since we'd have to transport it).
We were able to cancel with no penalty, and we have changed the party venue to our house. Painting & Pinot, a local studio that does kid birthday parties, will come and lead our guests in a painting. They bring everything -- tables, chairs, easels, smocks, paint, canvases, etc. It should be fun, and even though it means WAY more work for me -- I wasn't expecting to clean house! -- it will be less anxiety producing.
But what's really perplexing me is the lack of RSVP from the parents of girls in her class. We wavered on who to invite to the party -- we were limited to 15 kids at the trampoline party, and there are 11 other girls in her class. We could have easily invited friends from outside of the class, and we had two competing guests lists. In the end Jane wanted her school friends to come, so we invited the girls. (You can invite everyone -- all 26 kids -- or all girls/boys depending on the party kid's gender.)
About half of the girls have responded. I get waiting to the last minute for an in-house party. But people weren't responding when it was a trampoline party, which is a $$$ thing, and I'd have had to pay for 15 kids regardless of how many showed up. So I would have liked to have invited other kids to fill the spots if some of her classmates can't make it.
I mentioned this to someone in email, kind of as a joke, and she leapt to the defense. "As a busy working mom with a child in full-time care I don't RSVP until Wednesday or Thursday before. I just don't know how we want our weekends will be until then." (She's a friend who RSVP'ed right away/not a classmate, so it was weird on multiple levels.) So much for Southern politeness, right?!
As it is I'm not sure how many girls will show up. I will have to pay extra if there are more than 10 kids painting, but it's not too bad. I'll share some pictures after the fact, and hope that I can get the house together and make the cake (to save money I'm making it myself, whereas I planned to just buy it for the trampoline party since we'd have to transport it).
Into Kindergarten: Lunch Box Notes
Jane started Kindergarten in August. I did not have the mega emotional reaction that I did when she started preschool three years ago. That was three hours twice a week, and now we're talking almost seven hours five days a week. She was ready, and I was too. She's already learned so much in the first ~eight weeks.
Waking up in the mornings and getting ready -- out the door by 7:20, maybe 7:25 at the latest -- has proven very challenging. Even with a uniform and not really much to do (potty, brush teeth, eat breakfast, get dressed, sunblock, shoes and grab backpack) she makes it take forever with grumpiness. We have her alarm set at 6:14 to give her a full hour to get up and together. It's still sometimes a photo finish!
Jane's school has a cafeteria, but it's like a mini college dining hall in that you have to pay for a full semester or year meal plan. You can't look at the menu and decide to eat 3 of 5 days or even week by week or month by month. We talked about it and decided to pack lunches -- Jane was definitely part of that decision. She was so mad on her first day when many other kids got a hot dog and she had to eat a sandwich.
But since I'm packing her lunch every day I'm also including a small drawing and note. I've had a lot of fun drawing things and looking at YouTube videos to learn new sketches. I'm not an artist, but I am a copy cat -- I can sketch simple drawings by looking at them. (Kind of like how I can copy cat things in crochet!) My favorite YouTube channel so far is called Draw So Cute, and I've drawn many of her things for Jane's lunch notes.
Now I have to decide how to collect those, because I'd like to have them in a little book to flip through and see how my drawings have gotten better (probably a third of the time I do something quick, which means a stick figure Jane!). Every one is dated, and right now they're just in an envelope. I draw on colored post-it notes, so I'm thinking maybe sticking them onto a bigger piece of paper in a grid then putting those in sheet protectors in a 3-ring binder? Will report back when I find a solution that works.
Waking up in the mornings and getting ready -- out the door by 7:20, maybe 7:25 at the latest -- has proven very challenging. Even with a uniform and not really much to do (potty, brush teeth, eat breakfast, get dressed, sunblock, shoes and grab backpack) she makes it take forever with grumpiness. We have her alarm set at 6:14 to give her a full hour to get up and together. It's still sometimes a photo finish!
Jane's school has a cafeteria, but it's like a mini college dining hall in that you have to pay for a full semester or year meal plan. You can't look at the menu and decide to eat 3 of 5 days or even week by week or month by month. We talked about it and decided to pack lunches -- Jane was definitely part of that decision. She was so mad on her first day when many other kids got a hot dog and she had to eat a sandwich.But since I'm packing her lunch every day I'm also including a small drawing and note. I've had a lot of fun drawing things and looking at YouTube videos to learn new sketches. I'm not an artist, but I am a copy cat -- I can sketch simple drawings by looking at them. (Kind of like how I can copy cat things in crochet!) My favorite YouTube channel so far is called Draw So Cute, and I've drawn many of her things for Jane's lunch notes.
Now I have to decide how to collect those, because I'd like to have them in a little book to flip through and see how my drawings have gotten better (probably a third of the time I do something quick, which means a stick figure Jane!). Every one is dated, and right now they're just in an envelope. I draw on colored post-it notes, so I'm thinking maybe sticking them onto a bigger piece of paper in a grid then putting those in sheet protectors in a 3-ring binder? Will report back when I find a solution that works.
A Quarter Year
I haven't published here in three months. I haven't been writing in a journal or otherwise. I still write my weekly emails about the girls, so I have a record of our life somewhere. I tweet and occasionally post on Facebook. But as for long-form writing, I've basically stopped.
But November is coming. And November means NaBloPoMo. Although it doesn't look like BlogHer is doing anything official.
I'm still beyond disgusted with the state of American democracy. Every time I think OK this is the worst it can get the next day it gets a little worse. So that may have something to do with my lack of writing.
I also haven't had as much to do for work, and when I'm less busy I am less productive in other aspects of my life.
I guess I don't have to know why. Just popping in to say that's what it is and that I plan to write every day in November, even if there isn't an official NaBloPoMo group to join.
But November is coming. And November means NaBloPoMo. Although it doesn't look like BlogHer is doing anything official.
I'm still beyond disgusted with the state of American democracy. Every time I think OK this is the worst it can get the next day it gets a little worse. So that may have something to do with my lack of writing.
I also haven't had as much to do for work, and when I'm less busy I am less productive in other aspects of my life.
I guess I don't have to know why. Just popping in to say that's what it is and that I plan to write every day in November, even if there isn't an official NaBloPoMo group to join.
On Saying Goodbye
I'm a member of the United Methodist Church, which is a connectional church and has an itinerant ministry model. Our pastors are moved every so often. Except, of course, in the cases of big churches with big budgets, which get to decide how long they keep their pastors without interference from the regional bishop.
Our church is in the middle of such a transition. Our senior pastor left at the end of June -- moving onto a bigger, better church in New Orleans. Not by his choice, but gone nonetheless. We have a new lead pastor, a woman, which is incredible. But transitions are hard. I like her very much and think it will be for the best somehow -- she's here for this time and this place. But I hate change.
I hadn't been close to a pastor in many years. The last time I remember feeling this bad when a pastor moved on was as a kid when the pastor who baptized me (also a woman!) was moved. I got to see her a few more times during college because she was at a church close to there and I was able to visit her, and I'm sure eventually it wasn't a big deal to go to church without her being there.
But I hadn't opened my heart up like that since, in part due to self-preservation and also because I was the one who kept moving -- college, then grad school, then here for work and there for marriage. Finally here, to Baton Rouge, for my husband's job. I always attended churches -- United Methodist Churches in fact -- but I stayed away from the deep, personal relationships.
So I became more a part of this church, my current church, and work hard alongside the people and the pastor. I counted him as a friend in addition to mentor and guide of sorts. I also just really liked him, enjoyed seeing him at least once a week and hearing his sermons. And he LOVES my kids, which is probably the #1 way to my heart.
So I'm still processing the goodbye. And wondering if it's worth it to make myself open to that kind of pain again. It's one thing when I'm the one moving on and something else completely when I'm the one being left.
I don't know -- these thoughts are certainly diluted by the three weeks of time away from the old pastor and three weeks with the new pastor. And I know things are fine, or they will be soon. This isn't a crisis in the big picture. This just is the way things are...
Our church is in the middle of such a transition. Our senior pastor left at the end of June -- moving onto a bigger, better church in New Orleans. Not by his choice, but gone nonetheless. We have a new lead pastor, a woman, which is incredible. But transitions are hard. I like her very much and think it will be for the best somehow -- she's here for this time and this place. But I hate change.
I hadn't been close to a pastor in many years. The last time I remember feeling this bad when a pastor moved on was as a kid when the pastor who baptized me (also a woman!) was moved. I got to see her a few more times during college because she was at a church close to there and I was able to visit her, and I'm sure eventually it wasn't a big deal to go to church without her being there.
But I hadn't opened my heart up like that since, in part due to self-preservation and also because I was the one who kept moving -- college, then grad school, then here for work and there for marriage. Finally here, to Baton Rouge, for my husband's job. I always attended churches -- United Methodist Churches in fact -- but I stayed away from the deep, personal relationships.
So I became more a part of this church, my current church, and work hard alongside the people and the pastor. I counted him as a friend in addition to mentor and guide of sorts. I also just really liked him, enjoyed seeing him at least once a week and hearing his sermons. And he LOVES my kids, which is probably the #1 way to my heart.
So I'm still processing the goodbye. And wondering if it's worth it to make myself open to that kind of pain again. It's one thing when I'm the one moving on and something else completely when I'm the one being left.
I don't know -- these thoughts are certainly diluted by the three weeks of time away from the old pastor and three weeks with the new pastor. And I know things are fine, or they will be soon. This isn't a crisis in the big picture. This just is the way things are...
What to Expect: Downtown Baton Rouge Fourth of July Fireworks
Online there were a few vague ads for the event, which was sponsored by the USS Kidd, a museum/monument on the Mississippi River. But they mostly focused on the daytime Independence Day activities, and I'm not interested in hauling kids to a full day of things AND staying up late for fireworks (plus the heat, my God, the heat). No information about parking and its cost, traffic plans, bathrooms.
But last night we went anyway.
We left our house just before 7 p.m. -- two hours before the fireworks began. The drive downtown takes about 15 minutes, and we were parked by 7:30 I think. We didn't run into traffic but we did take a couple loops trying to decide on parking. There's a choice -- park far away, maybe pay a little less or park closer and pay $10. We picked the "throw money at it" route and forked over the tenner. No problem. We were a block and a half away from the riverfront, making for an easy walk. There were still plenty of spots, although as we got closer to 9 the lots did fill up. (Jane said "That guy's getting rich!" about the parking lot attendant with his fat roll of cash for making change.)
Some people had parked tail-gate style, with their truck beds facing the river, in a lot just across River Road, the street that runs alongside the river. They could see the fireworks from their trucks and then more quickly get going to beat the crush of traffic after the show ... in theory at least.
When we got downtown in advance of the fireworks display, plenty of people were on the levee, and some had definitely been there for a while. But it wasn't crowded really yet. We were able to get a spot on some grass on the non-river side of the levee's sidewalk, and we were a few blocks north of the USS Kidd where all the days' activities had been.
Jane passed some time climbing down the sloped side of the levee toward the river -- it has big metal letters spelling out Baton Rouge. She did get her shoes completely muddy and gross, even though Shawn told her to stay away from the edge of the river, but that and some ant bites she got were the worst things, and neither was so bad. Livia was a little harder to control, since it was past bedtime and she likes to walk around but it wasn't really safe to let her do so, since the ground slopes on both sides of the sidewalk. It's a more gentle slope on the grassy side toward the road, but it's still a slope.
The weather was pretty much perfect. It was hot, sure, but low 80s probably. There is humidity, yes, but it wasn't super oppressive. There was wind that kept things comfortable. I was expecting to be super hot, but I was much more comfortable than I was the night before at the Kenilworth Independence Day parade. So we were lucky in that aspect.
The crowd thickened after sunset, and there were people constantly strolling along the sidewalk -- even during the show, which began just before 9 p.m. and was about 20 minutes long. We stayed on the grassy side of the sidewalk, since people filled in front of us, but we were all able to see because the fireworks go up so high. We maybe missed seeing some of the water reflections because of the people in front of us, but we still enjoyed the show. (It was the first fireworks for Jane and Livia both!)
Because we timed our coming and going (and because we were lucky I guess) we didn't need a bathroom, and that's a good thing. At the downtown Baton Rouge fireworks display THERE ARE NO BATHROOMS. According to the ads, you could pay $5 for a bathroom pass to the USS Kidd, which seems insane. There are a few restaurants and hotels that were open, and that's where police directed a woman who asked for a bathroom. (Their exact words were first "Good luck" while shrugging their shoulders.) It doesn't seem safe/right/legal to have a huge crowd without some sort of public bathroom facilities. But welcome to Louisiana I suppose.
We took glow bracelets I had left over from Halloween and a light-up toy she got at Mardi Gras. I had bubbles in my pocket but forgot about them. There were people selling waters, and probably closer to the USS Kidd there were more food options. We ate supper at home and brought waters for the girls. There were no bag checks or food police, so having a picnic or snacks would have been fine I'm sure, although a little awkward in the proximity of the sidewalk.The show was good -- not as good as the DC or NYC shows we've seen in the past -- but still worth the trip. The girls liked it, although the booms scared Jane a little. We'd brought noise dampening headphones for both of them, but only Jane wore hers.
Getting back to the car was fine -- I wore Livia and pushed Jane in the stroller while Shawn carried our blanket and stadium seats. (In retrospect, because we parked so close I would have brought the lawn chairs just for the wait -- standing during the show was fine.) We had to maneuver a bit through the crowd, but it was doable.
Once in the car it took a while to exit our spot and then the parking lot. We went one way hoping to exit toward our house and avoid the interstate. We tried three different times and kept hitting road blocks with police funneling people toward the interstate. I get keeping people from coming into the congested area with contraflow, but why would you not let them out in every possible way?!?! Finally we got to Government Street and took that to Park to Perkins and home. It was about 10:20 when we got home, so about 40 minute travel home I think. Livia cried the second half of it, so that wasn't fun.
We got the girls in bed. Jane slept late, but Liv was up at her usual time. She just had a good long nap though, so hopefully we can get back into a regular sleep pattern. I'd advise people without kids, or with kids who can stay up later, to just hang out downtown a little bit to let the traffic thin before heading out.
TLDR; The downtown Baton Rouge fireworks display is worth the hassle. Parking is available -- for a cost. No bathrooms. Some food for purchase, but it seems fine to bring your own. Traffic is congested as expected after the show.
Maternal Separation Anxiety
I'm volunteering for my church's VBS. Jane is in the "levelers" crew for The Maker Fun Factory. It's a pretty cute curriculum, and Jane is very happy and loves being so busy. Livia stays in the nursery, and yesterday, day one, was pretty hard. But only for me!
Livia loves all the toys and probably the attention from the workers. There are only 3-4 kids at any given time and plenty of things to check out and do.
Yesterday I was kind of a wreck, and I hated being away from her. I couldn't just go check on her/get a quick hug because I knew that would mess her up. As soon as I went into the nursery she started saying "BYE! BYE!" to everyone, ready to go. And today she cried a little and handed me her water bottle ready to go. Both days I sat and hung out for a bit before we left for the closing VBS songs.
I know it's normal, and she's exhibiting age appropriate attachment. I am sure I felt this way when I was leaving Jane for the first times. So I'm probably normal too. Today was actually much better, and I didn't feel quite as anxious. Maybe it will get progressively better as the week goes on.
As an aside, I'm the photographer for this event. So I'm just floating around the VBS and taking pictures of kids doing this and that. Both days I've taken nearly 300 photos (yikes!), with about 70-80 being usable. But I feel like it's not a very good contribution. Everyone there has cell phones and could easily take (and are taking) plenty of photos. (Who really needs 70+ photos each day?!)
So that adds to the "why am I even here if I'm not needed?" aspect of things and I could be looking after my own baby. BUT she needs the practice so I can get in a better gym rhythm, although the YMCA child care is a different story and Livia cries when I drop her off, even when Jane is there with her. There are more kids, more stuff and I guess it's just less familiar or something.
Still finding our way... And I guess I'll keep shooting the VBS event. It beats cleaning toilets (which another volunteer did because we have a surplus of volunteers and our custodian is out with lung issues)...
Livia loves all the toys and probably the attention from the workers. There are only 3-4 kids at any given time and plenty of things to check out and do.
Yesterday I was kind of a wreck, and I hated being away from her. I couldn't just go check on her/get a quick hug because I knew that would mess her up. As soon as I went into the nursery she started saying "BYE! BYE!" to everyone, ready to go. And today she cried a little and handed me her water bottle ready to go. Both days I sat and hung out for a bit before we left for the closing VBS songs.
I know it's normal, and she's exhibiting age appropriate attachment. I am sure I felt this way when I was leaving Jane for the first times. So I'm probably normal too. Today was actually much better, and I didn't feel quite as anxious. Maybe it will get progressively better as the week goes on.
As an aside, I'm the photographer for this event. So I'm just floating around the VBS and taking pictures of kids doing this and that. Both days I've taken nearly 300 photos (yikes!), with about 70-80 being usable. But I feel like it's not a very good contribution. Everyone there has cell phones and could easily take (and are taking) plenty of photos. (Who really needs 70+ photos each day?!)
So that adds to the "why am I even here if I'm not needed?" aspect of things and I could be looking after my own baby. BUT she needs the practice so I can get in a better gym rhythm, although the YMCA child care is a different story and Livia cries when I drop her off, even when Jane is there with her. There are more kids, more stuff and I guess it's just less familiar or something.
Still finding our way... And I guess I'll keep shooting the VBS event. It beats cleaning toilets (which another volunteer did because we have a surplus of volunteers and our custodian is out with lung issues)...
Book Notes: Selfish, Shallow, And Self-Absorbed
I read a book of sixteen essays on the choice to not have children. It was pretty interesting, although some of the voices kind of blended together. I obviously made the opposite choice, and I'd bristle at the identity of "breeder" or that having a family is my way of perpetuating the white race (!!). It's a biological imprint and a social construct that really works for me. But man, I'm so tired and some of the arguments laid out for why these writers chose to remain child-free had me nodding my head. (But never doubting my decision for a second of course!)
Anyway, here are few things I highlighted in the Kindle book -- getting them out before I return the e-book to the library.
Perhaps I was kind of a human geode: sparkly and hollow. - Courtney Hodell, "Babes in the Woods" (I just liked this.)
There is nothing more boring for an intelligent woman than to spend endless amounts of time with small children. -Sigrid Nunez, "The Most Important Thing" (I think it might be more boring to spend endless amounts of time with mansplainers, but I certainly get the point!)
I suspect that my commitment to and delight in parenting would be so formidable that it would take precedence over anything and everything else in my life; that my mastery of motherhood would eclipse my need for -- or ability to achieve -- success in any other arena. Basically, I'm afraid of my own competence. -Anna Holmes, "Mommy Fearest" (I've copied down previous Anna Holmes quotes -- she founded Jezebel -- and I think this is true for my approach to motherhood. It's all consuming, and I'm not ALWAYS sure that's a good thing.)
...while life may not have a purpose, it certainly has consequences, one of which is the accumulation of a vast, coastal shelf of uncut, 100-percent-pure regret. -Geoff Dyer, "Over and Out" (a super valid response to the idea that "you'll regret it later" if you don't have kids now/when you're young/whatever)
Anyway, here are few things I highlighted in the Kindle book -- getting them out before I return the e-book to the library.
Perhaps I was kind of a human geode: sparkly and hollow. - Courtney Hodell, "Babes in the Woods" (I just liked this.)
There is nothing more boring for an intelligent woman than to spend endless amounts of time with small children. -Sigrid Nunez, "The Most Important Thing" (I think it might be more boring to spend endless amounts of time with mansplainers, but I certainly get the point!)
I suspect that my commitment to and delight in parenting would be so formidable that it would take precedence over anything and everything else in my life; that my mastery of motherhood would eclipse my need for -- or ability to achieve -- success in any other arena. Basically, I'm afraid of my own competence. -Anna Holmes, "Mommy Fearest" (I've copied down previous Anna Holmes quotes -- she founded Jezebel -- and I think this is true for my approach to motherhood. It's all consuming, and I'm not ALWAYS sure that's a good thing.)
...while life may not have a purpose, it certainly has consequences, one of which is the accumulation of a vast, coastal shelf of uncut, 100-percent-pure regret. -Geoff Dyer, "Over and Out" (a super valid response to the idea that "you'll regret it later" if you don't have kids now/when you're young/whatever)
Birkenstock Repairs
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| Well-loved, ~5-year-old Birkenstock sandals in need of repair |
I bought my Gizeh-style Birkenstock sandals almost five years ago in Berlin, when Jane was just 9-months-old. What an adventure. These were my main souvenir (in addition to some wooden toys and Christmas decorations). They'd started to hurt my feet, with the cork cracked and parts of the soles rubbed flat. The part that touched my feet was disintegrating, or at least it felt that way.
I was torn between buying a replacement pair (the sparkly, blue-looking "snakeskin" style continues to haunt me across the Internet ... thanks, cookies) and paying for them to be re-soled. The cost was essentially the same. But if I didn't get them repaired what would I do -- throw them out? I've worn them so often and for so long. And the tops are still fine -- nice purple leather that just needs a little cleaning. And shiny, purple leather doesn't seem to be an option anymore, not even in purple-crazy LSU country!
I looked around online and found iBirks.com, which had been written about in the New York Times a couple years ago. There were good reviews, and I decided to take a chance. I sent my shoes off on a Tuesday. They arrived at iBirks (in Cincinnati) on Thursday and were back to me on Monday! So the whole thing, including shipping, took less than a week!
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| Birkenstock sandals repaired |
I had ordered "The Package," which included an upgraded/longer lasting heel, leather conditioner and cork sealer. They didn't arrive with my shoes, so I wrote to ask about them. I don't think the heel can be added now (and I'm not sure if it actually is on or not, since I didn't fully understand that). The iBirks.com guy said he'd ship me the missing conditioner and sealer, so they should be here soon.
I can certainly tell a difference in the shoes, and it's taking a while for me to break them in. I'm wearing them as much as I dare. I think I read just 2 hours a day until you've worn them a few hours. At first they felt so tight because my feet were back up so close to the straps and I was used to them being very loose and floppy (realizing now I can adjust the buckles to keep them tight as the soles wear down). The new soles look great -- the cork and the nonslip base part. The leather uppers weren't actually cleaned (another thing listed in the package), but I have wiped them down and they feel like mine anyway.
Soon enough these will be my most comfortable shoes again!
Tales of a Preschool Room Mom
When Jane started preschool three years ago I signed up to be one of
her class room moms because the teacher said something like "it's really
easy to do it now when they're small" ... and that was true. The
time/energy input was very minimal. I can't remember anything I did
except the teacher gave me an orchid plant at the end as a thank you
(which promptly died because I have black thumbs).
We switched schools after that year, just because Jane became old enough and got accepted into the university's preschool program. I was pregnant so didn't act as room mom last year, but this year, her second in the program I did volunteer.
There was not a whole lot to do, because the teachers manage most everything. But the teacher appreciation stuff led to some work, not so much in time investment but stress and annoyance (and money). The school's parent committee did a center-wide effort to give the teachers' lunches during the week, but they needed money for that. I also needed to ask for money for our class teacher gifts (the whole school decided to just do the same thing -- Visa gift cards -- which is smart and surely more appreciated than tchotckes). The mom in charge of that center-wide effort certainly had more work to do than me, but my part with our class was certainly enough for me.
In reality it was just a few emails, accepting the money from people and then buying the cards and gift cards. I also took a class picture because the center didn't do photo day this year. A couple things I learned that could be helpful for other room parents:
We had almost 100% participation in the teacher gift. I put all the kids' names on the card of course though! The amount of money varied from $10 up to $65! The one family that didn't give was surprising to me, and it was hard to restrain myself from directly asking that mom to be sure she'd received my emails asking for the donations! In the end we collected $400, to be split between our two teachers. Not a bad thank you gift!
We switched schools after that year, just because Jane became old enough and got accepted into the university's preschool program. I was pregnant so didn't act as room mom last year, but this year, her second in the program I did volunteer.
There was not a whole lot to do, because the teachers manage most everything. But the teacher appreciation stuff led to some work, not so much in time investment but stress and annoyance (and money). The school's parent committee did a center-wide effort to give the teachers' lunches during the week, but they needed money for that. I also needed to ask for money for our class teacher gifts (the whole school decided to just do the same thing -- Visa gift cards -- which is smart and surely more appreciated than tchotckes). The mom in charge of that center-wide effort certainly had more work to do than me, but my part with our class was certainly enough for me.
In reality it was just a few emails, accepting the money from people and then buying the cards and gift cards. I also took a class picture because the center didn't do photo day this year. A couple things I learned that could be helpful for other room parents:
- PayPal does not take a percentage of money when it's marked as a gift. This was a gift for our teachers, so no ethical concerns either. I had assumed PayPal would reduce the money for the teachers and discouraged people from using that (just give me cash or check directly). But some did anyway and there was no problem. It was much easier for all involved, since I could just transfer it into my bank account. If I ever do that again I will definitely ask people to just do PayPal!
- The bank sells Visa gift cards, at least our credit union does. And they only cost $2.50 each. At a store, where I intended to buy them, they'd be at least $6 each! That was a good tip from another mom who had been room mom before, and I'm glad she told me that!
We had almost 100% participation in the teacher gift. I put all the kids' names on the card of course though! The amount of money varied from $10 up to $65! The one family that didn't give was surprising to me, and it was hard to restrain myself from directly asking that mom to be sure she'd received my emails asking for the donations! In the end we collected $400, to be split between our two teachers. Not a bad thank you gift!
A Day Without A Woman: What is Labor?
I'm "on strike" today, although I can't fully release myself from child care. Partly because I'm a nursing mom and partly because someone's gotta do it and it might as well be me. Shawn is leaning into housework and child care otherwise though. And we're all wearing red! And not spending any money today.
It's made me think about what labor is, since some things I do for myself, just general self care. I'd make a meal for myself if I didn't have the family to labor for. (To get around it I made a casserole yesterday that we can just heat and eat.) I'd also make my bed, so I made my half and Shawn made his half - LOL!
Does blogging count as labor? You could say I'm a small, woman-owned business, which is one of the exceptions for where strikers can shop. Even if it does count as labor, I'm still writing because I want to mark this day.
When talking about it with Jane (and fighting with her about wearing red instead of her favorite Avenger's shirt), I explained that boys and girls are equal, and we deserve equal pay for equal work. She quickly asked about Donald Trump, and I explained that this particular issue existed before him and will after him too.
Crochet: White Baby Blanket
I finished this blanket just before its intended baby was born, but I didn't get it in the mail quickly enough. Today it will be on its way to the new baby boy! (We didn't know he was a boy before he's born.)
This is kind of a mishmash blanket. I did the ripple/chevron pattern from a baby pattern book, and I didn't like the number so set it at seven on the up, seven on the down. This has ridges created by front-post and back-post double crochets. I did the pattern of which rows have which stitches based on this Red Heart afghan.
After I finished the sizing was off -- it wasn't wide enough for a real baby blanket. SO I added some border stitches, using the same front/back post stitches to make the ridges. And I finished off with reverse single crochet that makes a similar ridge/rope-like edge.
So it's a little wonky but is one of a kind. And it was made with love and prayer for the life of this special boy.
Taking Up Space
I've been watching Roseanne reruns on this over-the-air channel called Laff. I really like the show -- something I watched as a kid and probably didn't "get" most of it. I laugh during every episode and some of the "viewer discretion advised" storylines are relevant still (abortion, racism, abuse, gay marriage).
One thing I like too is the daughters -- Darlene and Becky -- and how they're not wearing skimpy clothes or lots of make up. They look like regular people, and at least at the start of the series before plastic surgery so does Roseanne. Part of the clothing choices was due to the 90s I guess, when flannel and jeans were in, but I'm sure it was also a conscious decision on the part of the creators. One guest star was the opposite of "regular" when Traci Lords played a waitress for a few episodes. In one she wore a tight blue dress and looked so thin relative to the other characters that I took notice. It made me start thinking about what it would be like be so small and to take up so little space.
Within a couple days this post, The Trash Heap Has Spoken, came up in an email newsletter I read. It was really speaking to some of the thoughts I was having -- what does it mean to be in a body that's "too" big. I've been living in a big body as long as I can remember. Even when it's smaller it always feels big -- I felt big as young as maybe 10. But maybe it would be OK to be fat like this:
One thing I like too is the daughters -- Darlene and Becky -- and how they're not wearing skimpy clothes or lots of make up. They look like regular people, and at least at the start of the series before plastic surgery so does Roseanne. Part of the clothing choices was due to the 90s I guess, when flannel and jeans were in, but I'm sure it was also a conscious decision on the part of the creators. One guest star was the opposite of "regular" when Traci Lords played a waitress for a few episodes. In one she wore a tight blue dress and looked so thin relative to the other characters that I took notice. It made me start thinking about what it would be like be so small and to take up so little space.
Within a couple days this post, The Trash Heap Has Spoken, came up in an email newsletter I read. It was really speaking to some of the thoughts I was having -- what does it mean to be in a body that's "too" big. I've been living in a big body as long as I can remember. Even when it's smaller it always feels big -- I felt big as young as maybe 10. But maybe it would be OK to be fat like this:
Unapologetic fat women embrace the philosophy of displacement. They manifest the audacity of space-taking. They cleave the very air. This is not just fatness of the body, it is fatness of the mind. If you have a fat body, you take up room by default. If you have a fat mind, you choose to take up room.In high school I was a perfectly fine size, and as an athlete I was the healthiest I could ever hope to be. But I was still bigger than a lot of the girls. One was size 5 -- not sure how that came up, but you know everyone knows everything in locker rooms. I was size 11, and I looked at her and at me and said "even if I lost a ton of weight I doubt my bones would even be that small for me to be a size 5." She said "oh I'm sure you could." She meant it as a kind thing, and in the moment/actual conversation that's how I took it. But obviously remembering it across twenty (20!) years it hasn't settled as something good.
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