Haircuts and Page Views

I got a haircut yesterday -- reminiscent of shortest curl from Bumble & Bumble, but still not as good. Probably shorter than I was planning, if I even planned at all. It's so hard for me to talk about what I want for my hair. I don't care about my hair and yet I am deeply critical of others' efforts to tame/cut/style it. This looks nice and bouncy, although full of product and took a while to diffuser dry, something I would rarely, if ever, do. She also took two stabs at cutting it, as the first try left very full sides, so it was like two puffs on either side of my face. Not exactly triangular, but not flattering either. This is good enough for me, and I'll see how it looks straight. I wish I could find someone who knows how to wield a razor to get the choppy, razored ends I like so much.

My Blogger stats are showing a weird anomaly. On Saturday 1/24 it says I had more than 2,000 page views. Ridiculous. My Google Analytics, also installed on this blog/site, show no such spike. I searched and maybe Blogger stats count bots or something, but I'm surprised the disparity would be so great. Also when I drill down to look at the page views in the Blogger stats widget the high number doesn't exist, even when the time frame includes 1/24. Lame and annoying, but no big deal since this is a vanity site with no real purpose.

Fitness Follies

A high school friend is some kind of online personal fitness coach now. I think it's great, but her posts on Facebook crack me up. She's started posting mini clips of her workouts -- as motivation and incentive (for herself? others?) to stay on track. She has perfect form, is cute and small -- so I'm not laughing AT her or even really that she's putting herself out there. I think I laugh mostly at the idea by extension: What if I started doing that? How many laughs could I get? A whole humor blog of mini clips of me huffing and puffing my way through exercises. That is terrible, and I'm sorry but I had to laugh it out.

Fitness Blender is the bomb dot com if you're into fitness videos you can do at home -- maybe during the snowstorm set to hit the Northeast this week. I've been using the site a lot. I love their all-in-one videos and have also started "blending" my own with the shorter workouts plus warm up and cool down videos. Jane loves Kelli and Daniel, the instructors.

Vignettes of Annoyance

Pop Art image found on Google Images labeled for reuse

I am a very gripe-y, complainy person. To wit, some things I'd like to bitch about:

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I am a shit negotiator. As in, I don't negotiate at all. I guess I need William Shatner to help me ... I've agreed to a freelance job for nearly half my "normal" rate. Normal being what I've been paid on my last job, which is actually a lower hourly rate than some other project-based work I've done, although that was so lucrative it felt criminal to accept the agreed-to amount. (I did though. Oh, I did.) I don't want to feel cheated or like I have a reason to slack. I'm very rules-oriented, so I'll track my time and be above board on everything. But I'll always have this little niggling doubt asking -- what if you'd suggested a higher number, still lower than my top, instead of trusting that she was offering the best she could do. TERRIBLE biznass ladee, although I haven't actually signed a contract so I guess I could still just say "no thanks" to the project entirely. I won't do that though. My word is good. Hrmph.

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Similar rule following -- I get irrationally angry at the other parents in carpool. One guy had a tiny toddler plus his preschooler, both out of their carseats and climbing all over his car -- out of the sunroof, in his lap, on the gearshift, etc. And then he's driving up in the line in this chaos. So unsafe. And another big SUV mom creates her own line of cars next to the building, which is supposed to be kept clear, per the rules, and basically jumps ahead of everyone in the real line as well as leading a bunch of other cars to do the same. Why does that drive me crazy so much?!?!?!

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Chasing a wayward preschooler through the aisles of Winn Dixie makes me mad. I wish I could better channel my energies and upset when things like that happen. After the race, catching her and then dragging through the checkout process (because I needed the snacks for her preschool class the next day) I just seethe. I try to talk to her rationally later about how scary that is for me and why she can't do it, although I don't think anything sinks in. Really all I feel like doing is strapping her to my body or forcing her into a cart for the foreseeable future. Three-year-old parenting is the hardest so far for me and accounts for the majority of my annoyances, and I'm a highly annoyed and annoyable person.

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Windows 8 is the worst. I needed to use Skype, but the OS forced me to change my login to be an @outlook.com account. I had already created a mariwalker@ account back when they very first started offering them, but for some reason it isn't mine anymore. At least silvermari@ was still available, so I re-made that, but still so mad. And now I have a different password for my computer login, which was something loving and calming. Now it's full of rage at Microsoft. It's the worst. I think there's a workaround and I can undo the login back to regular and download a different Skype software to use. Hate. hate. hate.

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iTunes is the worst. I have to use it for my iPod, which is my main music listening device. I can connect it in the car or wear it with earphones while shopping or walking. But my music on my computer is ALL EFFED UP. Duplicates of song files crop up, so that I have four copies of every song in a single Dixie Chicks album but other songs and albums disappear. And iTunes moves files around, from the organized Music>Artist Name>Album Name structure to a separate Music subfolder within the original Music folder, and then iTunes can't find the songs it's moved around. It is so frustrating and makes me rage. As Daniel Tiger says "When you're feeling frustrated ... take a step back, and ask for help." SO I'm going to do some things myself but have Shawn do the real help of uninstalling iTunes and seeing if he can do a reinstall that does not screw up the file management system. AAAAH!

Crochet Christmas Ornaments

The year Shawn and I got engaged I made a slew of crocheted Christmas ornaments with an engagement picture glued in them. I love seeing them on our family's Christmas trees when we go visiting.

This year Shawn's aunt asked if I would make her some more because she'd like to put pictures of Shawn's cousins on her tree too. No problem.

I have many of the plastic rings leftover, but I didn't have any matching red ribbon. I used what I had on hand. I also don't have the exact pattern anymore, although I know I made each ornament alike in 2007. For these four I just improvised. One looks very much like the original, with picots and ruffles. One is a simple scallop and the other two are hybrids of sorts. I'm happy with how they turned out.

I got them in the mail today. She'll have to add the pictures (I just affixed with hot glue, although you could half-glue a cardboard circle and slip a circle picture in the created pocket). I also didn't glue down the ribbon in case she wants to change it out. In the 2007 versions every bow was glued down to keep it from falling apart through the years. So far so good I think.

Monday Morning Quarterbacking

At a church meeting yesterday a woman only a bit older than me came up and said, "Oh, you look good!" It is weird because

1) I do not. I'm heavy, my face was mostly bare and my hair scraped back. I was wearing a sort of flattering black top and jeans, so maybe? and

2) she is highly coifed and put-together at all times: full makeup, always blond, short, stylish hair, so she knows "looking good."

There is the likelihood she's just being nice and it's something she says to everything. I don't have that knee jerk reaction usually. I do compliment people on beautiful clothes or new hair. Meh, I don't know.

I'd like to think that it's because I'm "beyond" appearances or don't pay attention to them and look at the real person, but no. It's mainly that I am oblivious and/or mean.

Christmas Repackaged

We put away our Christmas tree and decorations this week, after Epiphany marked the end of the season.

I spread out the tree ornaments on the table and took a picture. This is enough to decorate the front half of the tree. I will have more next year because my mom gave me a big box of ornaments. Maybe next year we'll put it in the window and decorate the whole thing (maybe not -- the corner is nice and it looks good against the red walls).

I also got 24 books wrapped for Advent 2015. I love the tradition of opening one book per night, and Jane really does too. We have enough Christmas- and winter-themed books to unwrap two a night I'm sure, but we can just look at the others as we feel like it. Our collection seems to grow every year too, as I usually buy her a new Christmas book or two. I just can't help it! (Or can I???)

I wrap the books in tissue paper, which I buy after Christmas. I don't use scissors, so sometimes the books are sort of wrapped twice. And usually you can see the title through the thin paper. But it's cheaper and less likely to give paper cuts. And 24 presents is a lot to open, even in 24 days!

So now everything's wrapped up, and it fits in two footlockers, three small flat Rubbermaid-style boxes and three bigger Rubbermaid-style boxes -- plus the tree, which is in its own bag. When we're getting it all out it doesn't feel like "enough," but it certainly feels like "too much" when boxing it back up. I still love the idea of special Christmas dishes and mugs, decor in every room of the house, etc. I'm still trying to rage against my natural clutter-y tendencies though and KEEP THINGS SIMPLE! (ha.)

My Stocking Stuffers

I wrote about what I mainly put in Jane's stocking this year, and I wanted to list what I put in my stocking too. I didn't actually fill a stocking, but I put my goodies in a tote bag that has Jane's picture on it. I got a sweet deal from Walgreen's on four of them (so Gingie, Grandma Dale and Shawn also got their own Jane tote!). They're all different, so we won't get confused if we're ever using them together!

• Jane wall calendar of my favorite month-by-month pictures from last year. (I also gave some of these as gifts.)
• e.l.f. nails 10-pack of holiday nail polishes -- something I also got for Beth but wanted one for myself. 
• Kraft paper note cards with a typewriter, hearts and "love" on them. Maybe to use as Valentine's? Got at Homegoods for $2.
• Couple packs of gum
• Custom notepad with my name and monogram on the top -- ordered for free/just pay shipping, I think from TinyPrints or another nice online stationery store.
• A makeup bag from DaySpring -- I'd actually wrapped it for Gran, but I got it back and added it to my goodie bag.

Nothing extravagant, but fun little things I like. I also spent some minor money on myself when I got to go to the outlet mall with my mom and sister this week (new skirt, new jeans and new hoodie sweatshirt -- all together less than $30). Shawn's gift of babysitting the kids so we could have that outing might be my favorite gift of the season! Ha.

Edited to add: also a Chi travel shampoo, conditioner, iron guard and serum pack from Walgreen's, bought on impulse during my flu shot. And I also bought PJ pants and slippers at the outlet mall and probably spent $50 all together on myself. Ugh to looking back at receipts...

Resolve

I'm not a very good at making resolutions. Or maybe I'm not good at sticking to them.

Read more?

Write more?

Eat less?

Exercise more?

Crochet more? (Ha.)

Go to work?

Organize things?

Get less angry/irritated/crabby?

I did make my 2014 resolution of not buying magazines (although not really because of all my subscriptions!). But otherwise I don't even remember what I resolved. I wrote 130 posts last year, which was less than the year before and the year before. 2011 was my lowest year, mainly because I did not blog about my pregnancy and that was all I wanted to talk about that year (plus morning sickness).

I don't have a "one word" for this year. I think I did that before too. (Probably "BABY" for 2012) Maybe CONTENT. Be happy with what I have without jealously coveting MORE, other people's stuff and successes, etc. Oh and it can work doubly if I read it as "content" -- producing good work through writing, editing, etc.

Typing this on my new bluetooth keyboard that was a Christmas present. Maybe having an additional way to easily blog will set my writing habit on fire? (Maybe not.)

Happy New Year 2015. Bring it.

December Snaps

Camellias outside my kitchen window

Holly tree in the neighbors' back yard

Preschooler and her tree (presents were already packed for our trip)

All Good Things

I watched Angels Sing, a Hallmark movie with Willie Nelson as Santa. No one prepared me for its sad themes. It was good, and I liked that the main character is a professor named Walker! And they lived in Austin! Maybe someday. I also really liked the singing, especially "Christmastime is Here." Wonder if there's a soundtrack. (LOL.)

I cooked all day yesterday and a bit today. We had a huge meal, the five of us -- Shawn, Jane, his parents and me. Here was the menu:

• Pineapple cream cheese & pecan cheese ball/dip with crackers
• Pigs in a blanket (li'l smokies wrapped in crescent rolls)
• Honey ham
• Dressing (no turkey, and I made this WAY too dry/used too much cornbread)
• Corn casserole
• Green bean casserole
• Parker house rolls (from scratch -- I think this is the last time for those, even though they are scrumptious)
• Deviled eggs (which FROZE in the top part of the fridge)
• Broccoli, mushroom and onion salad (probably not making again -- it's good, but requires too many herbs so is expensive and is overshadowed by other, traditional comfort foods so we always have too much and have to throw some out)
• Cranberry salad (will never stop making this ... so good)
• Mashed sweet potatoes (I forgot about this and started them too late so we only had them with the leftovers)
• Pumpkin pie

Ever time I cook here I swear it will be the LAST time. I can't find anything, there's not a sharp chef's knife anywhere, and it generally makes me stabby, ragey and upset. But it is nice to have a clean-up crew (my mother-in-law does all the dishes and cleanup).

I also made white velvet cutout cookies for the family get together on Saturday. We'll also take the second pan of dressing, although it's not right in any sense of the word. Boo hoo.

Jane opened more presents than necessary. Her favorite was a set of Daniel Tiger figures, and she's played a lot with them already. Precious.

Merry Christmas!

Stuffing a Toddler Stocking

I'm not sure if Jane is still a toddler at three, so maybe stuffing a preschooler stocking would be more accurate. I just wanted to list some of the things I have ready for her stocking this week (part of the ~30 pounds of gifts we brought on our trip that we'll have to bring back).

• Imagine Ink mess free marker book ... OK, technically there isn't one of these in her stocking. But I did give her one for the trip (and she's used a couple others on our long road trips of late). These are a little expensive (about $6), but I've found them for $3 in the Target "dollar" spot. Amazon might be the place to go. Jane doesn't do the games yet, but she likes to see the color appear as she marks up every single page. It really keeps her still and focused for chunks of time. Might be a good church book. If only I could find more Imagine Ink books to use up all the markets we have now...
• Color books and new crayons -- actually the books won't fit in her stocking, so she's getting a separate (Olaf) tote bag full of books that will include the color books. I bought the crayons on clearance during the year, and the color books were 50% off clearance ones I know she'll like.
• Books from the Scholastic sale at her school. These will go in the Olaf bag too. I just kept buying more and it seemed like a good idea to hold them for a Christmas surprise!
• Playdough -- a last minute addition when Jane asked for some. I got a pink and a white. She can play with them (and leave them) at Grandma Dale's!
• Assorted mini toys from kids' meals. Despite my best efforts to feed Jane whole foods we have eaten a Sonic grilled cheese from time to time. I've saved the little toys from that (just to avoid/delay the requests for more Sonic trips because really a grilled cheese is a grilled cheese), so I'm giving them to her in her stocking.
• Socks. She got new ones for her birthday but they are already starting to pinch her little ankles. I got these on Black Friday.
• Teddy Bear. Jane randomly asked for a teddy bear, and then she kept repeating it whenever anyone asked what she wanted for Christmas. We have too many stuffed animals, so I just pulled out a teddy bear I'd bought her in Germany that had been hanging out in the "land of disappearing" (the guest room closet). 
• Stickers and hair clips -- gifts from Gingie. There were some other stocking-stuffer gifts from Gingie too, but those are the two that I managed to bring with us.

I think there are a couple other things in there too, but even though I just packed them up yesterday I can't remember. I'll find out on Thursday with her! Next I need to catalog what I bought myself for my stocking, although I didn't cart any of it with us so will just let myself have it all when we get home.

Happy Christmas to you.

The Right Way to Celebrate?

Amidst the Christmas cheer and glad tidings of great joy I harbor confusion and crankiness.

I'm not sure I'm "doing Christmas" right. Not reverently enough. Not enough attention to Advent. Not even fully understanding Advent.

Christ already came, died and was resurrected. Shouldn't we be "Easter people" all the time?

In my attempts to do everything "right," for Jane, myself, our family, I wander ... or something. Trying to mold church tradition into my limited understanding and general doubts. Turning it over in my mind without it making any sense.

Shawn had to remind me that it's really about waiting for the second coming after I expressed my unease with this repetitive calendar cycle when nothing really changes. I know I'm approaching Christmas in the wrong way. And it makes me anxious.

Will I ever "get it"? There are sparks of clarity that are fleeting. My soul does cry out for Jesus -- come, Lord Jesus, come, even while he is here with me. How does that work?!

Teddy Afghan

Made for a friend's baby girl due in January. I am going to take a break from crocheting, at least through the end of this year. It's one of my favorite things though, so I know I won't stay away for long. I already have yarn to make myself a hat (treat yo' self and whatnot).

90 is Not Enough

November 30, 2014

Yesterday my Gran died. She was 90 years old and tired of being bedridden. She was at home with her family. I don't know what to do except write about it while I cry.

She's the underlying hum in all my faith stories and a leading figure in my religion, a shining example of constant faith.

I grew up just two blocks from her house, so she and my grandfather were a constant in my childhood from regular sleepovers, shopping trips and just being together. I learned to crochet from her fingers, I think she taught me the summer I was 16 and helped my grandpa take care of her after she had a fall and broken bones. Working with yarn is fun on its face but it's also always connected me to her.

Gran was not just part of my history but also a part of my weekly routine and life now. I would call her two or three times a week, usually in the afternoons when her helper had gone home but before her supper was delivered. She could chat and listen to whatever was on my mind and heart. I'm already feeling adrift without those calls or the possibility of them. And oh, how she loved Jane. Jane loves her too, and navigating this conversation with her is possibly the hardest part for me.

Gran was a teacher with a 30+ year career. So she touched countless lives through her classroom and interactions with children. Her work in her church, from Sunday school teacher to church board secretary and beyond, was critical to its functioning. And these are only the things I, as a child in her life, know about. I know her life was rich and full of love.

I selfishly would have liked more time. But I know she has moved on, that she was ready to go to the Lord. And I pray that her reward for a life so well lived is more than she ever dreamed of. I miss her so much and am so grateful she loved me.

Make It So

Incredible, amazing, I love it. H/T my cousin Lisa.

Santa is Not my Tradition

I am kind of a Grinch about Christmas Christmas, I think. We don't "do" Santa at our house. It's just not my tradition or something I feel the need to do. The miracle of Christmas is far greater than a funny, magical character.

But this year it is hard to be different.

Jane is three, so an age where she is putting things together and excited about Santa. It doesn't help that he's shoved down her throat at every turn. From strangers asking her "What did you ask Santy Claus for?" (and receiving a blank look until I translated "What do you want for Christmas?") to a visit from Santa during our church's Advent Festival (Advent and Santa do not compute).

At the festival, too, the single craft for kids was "Reindeer Food," a brown bag that you filled with oats, glitter (which I hate for non-Grinchy reasons), sprinkles, etc. and then they stapled on a poem about sprinkling the mess on the lawn so the reindeer see your house and Santa will be sure to find you. Cute concept, I guess, but at church?! We let Jane make a glitter-free version, but I am not carting it to Virginia. In fact, I think it's already in the trash.

Aren't I the Grinchiest?!

We do read a lot of Christmas books, and Santa is featured in some. I don't want Jane to be ignorant of anything, including the Santa myth. I know it's confusing, but I just keep telling her that Santa is a funny, pretend character. I don't want her to go around and tell other kids "he's not real" (I never say those words). Childhood friends are still a little touchy about me ruining the magic for them in Kindergarten. But I will never pretend he's more than just a fictional character. I just hope we don't piss off anyone!

Sunrise Senior Living Center Holiday Fair

Today I was at the Sunrise Senior Living Center holiday market. If you stopped by my booth and are checking out my website, welcome!

silvermari crochet booth at Jingle Mingle 2014 (major bust, saleswise)

Jingle Mingle: Crochet Hats

Hats made in June because I haven't taken a picture today (!)

Thursday, December 4, is the Jingle Mingle at Jane's preschool. So I'm going to have a crochet hat booth. I'm excited and nervous. I have 47 hats ready.

I also have another sale for Saturday at a retirement community, so I've also made four thread starched ornaments. I'd like to make more, but we'll see about time and how long it takes these first four to dry. I don't expect every hat to sell tomorrow, but I might be running low for Saturday and need to spend all day Friday crocheting. Good thing I like crochet.

If you're visiting my site after seeing my work at the Jingle Mingle, welcome! If you'd like to order a custom hat, see my Want to Order a Crochet Hat? post for details on what measurements I need. I can probably still make a few hats before Christmas, so contact me if you have that deadline.

Ending with the beginning in mind

Oh November, you were so full of promise.

But I'm ready to see you go.

We've had wonderful weather on this trip -- not too hot, not too cold. Sunny, gorgeous. This evening it's turned cold. Brrrr. It will be a tough start in the morning when we're leaving in the wee hours of the morning. I'm sleepy just thinking about it.

Today begins Advent, and I'm looking to embrace the season in new ways. I got Ann Voskamp's.  Unwrapping the Greatest Gift: A Family Celebration of Christmas for my birthday, so we will be going through that book this season together. And at church we're doing Simply Wait: Cultivating Stillness in the Season of Advent so I need to start reading that. (Affiliate links, because why not.)

 I don't know what to do with this blog. But I will post later this week to get a crochet-related post on the top for the craft sales I'm doing. Until then...

Screen Time Update: Three Years Old

What a difference a year makes.

As Jane grows up her exposure to technology and media is increasing. It's still limited, but I'm much less strict (see media use decisions post from last year). She's watching a Thomas video with Aunt B as I type this. Also at Thanksgiving I didn't keep her away from the TV playing football. And on the drive she gets to watch a couple PBS Kids shows on the Kindle with her headphones (we do the same on airplanes). And there's a Lego Duplo train game on my Kindle that she can play sometimes. I'd say we usually limit it to 30 minutes/day total screen time, and some days there's none. Usually we don't watch on the weekends, and school days are structured so that there really isn't a good time to watch.

My aunt sent me this HuffPo article with the extreme headline 10 Reasons Why Handheld Devices Should Be Banned for Children Under the Age of 12. It's typical Huffington Post extremism (and I'm certainly a target HuffPo liberal reader), but I much prefer the links to posts at the end of the original article: This post has elicited a number of responses from other bloggers. You can read some of those here and here.

In any case Jane doesn't get a handheld device of her own or unsupervised use of any technology. Her exposure is certainly all non-violent (although we went to a birthday party that had a Captain American movie playing so there was some violence there, but I didn't know what to say without being totally rude!).

We're doing our best, and Jane is developing and happy. So we'll just keep going. Meh. Meh. Meh.