Happiest

December 2011
I am the luckiest.

In Sunday school we veered away from our usual topic (which is whatever the sermon is about) because there was no sermon during the Hanging of the Greens service. We also talked about steps to become a reconciling community and how our Thanksgivings were. But toward the end one friend asked a question she asked during Thanksgiving -- what's a day in your life where you remember being your happiest?

I did not answer. Others talked about unexpected free days with nothing to do/nothing planned. My answer has to do with my babies. And this friend who asked the question happens to be walking through a time of infertility. I remember what it feels like and wouldn't want to blindside her. I remember the offhand remarks people made when it took so long for me to become pregnant. (Specifically cutting, and probably something I've mentioned on here before: "you know, Mari, babies grow up," as if I only wanted a baby and didn't ACTUALLY want all that parenting entails.)

It's hard to pin down a specific day, but my happiest times were sitting in my nursing chair with a new-ish baby. I was on maternity leave with Jane, had no responsibilities other than keeping her alive, and I was good at that. I had a great, still-new-to-me back yard view, the temperatures were nice after she was born and stayed cool/comfortable for a while. (Weather affect my mood more than I'd like to admit I think.)

I remember my girls' early babyhood as happy and content times in my life. Livia's is less vivid in my memory, probably because the juggle with Jane and that transition takes up some of the computer memory space of my brain's hard drive. But I know the bone-deep joy from caring for the baby you created, carried and birthed. And that was certainly my happiest time, even with sleep deprivation that I know I was experiencing simultaneously.

Speaking of happy -- I got a lot of happy birthday wishes on social media, mainly Facebook. It STILL kills me that some people write "Happy Birthday, Mary" even though my name is RIGHT THERE. That Indiahoma education for you I guess... For the last 2 years or more I have not written anything on most people's Facebook pages for their birthdays. There are exceptions - immediate family mainly, and even then I probably post ABOUT them and tag them on my wall. (Of course people I am close with in real life get a direct email or text birthday wish!) But seeing the cross-section of people on my life who remembered me (even when it was just Facebook saying "hey, it's this dummy's birthday") made me feel a little happier actually. So perhaps I should resume the ritual of "HBD" on others' walls. MAYBE...

Routines, Not Just for Babies

Baby Feet

I loved being a mama to a baby, both times. Having a baby was so sweet and fun. I love sleeping through the night again, and having time to myself to work and write and shop. But there will never be a time in my life to compare to the bliss of being a true baby mama. (Liv and I have been watching videos on my phone, and we've scrolled back to many from her babyhood.)

One thing I was very good at (besides breastfeeding, which turned out to be a natural talent) was maintaining routines. We still stick to routines around here -- solid bedtime routine step-by-step, mealtimes together, do the same thing every Sunday, etc. It's not boring or monotonous, it just lets us all know what to expect.

And I for one find great comfort in that. Routine, schedule, knowing what to expect are all part of my preferences for how life should be and what makes me happiest/most comfortable.

I know routines can be broken without problem. We do have *some* flexibility of course. But I'm also finding that routines are good for more than just babies and kids. My routines make a difference to me, a positive difference mostly I'd say.

Beyond the typical grooming routines -- nightly shower, twice a day brushing, couple times a week hair washing and styling, etc. -- and daily coffee, I also am experiencing routines that are specific to this season.

One is the 90 Day Bible Challenge, which has been a really great thing for me. I want to actually finish it and reflect AFTER I'm done, but I'll say it's been a balm to read Scripture every day even when (or perhaps especially when) I don't understand.

And for six weeks of that challenge I was also doing a Cup of Our Life book study, which was more reading and intentional prayer and reflecting. I didn't do the study correctly, as I never set aside enough time, sometimes raced through the prompts, etc. But I always thought about the lessons and I certainly got something out of it. The routine of it all was important to me too.

So now I'm back to the NaBloPoMo routine, and firing up my computer every day. (I do turn it on most days, but some days I just don't need to because I can check any emails via phone or Kindle Fire.) This is day 3, so not really a routine, but it has made me start remembering things I wanted to write, realizing 30 days is a long time!

Gak is Not Forever

Last week Livia started preschool, a 2-year-old program three days per week at a nearby church. We chose to have her stay for lunch and nap to give me more time to get some work done. (I have picked up a very part time writing job at a local magazine, but we decided to do the 9-2 hours from Minneapolis thinking we could always change to 9-12 later.) So far she is LOVING school, and staying for lunch (from her "womey-womey," aka Wonder Woman, lunch box!) and a rest/nap has been a treat for her.

We were down to one nursing per day, just before her nap. And on Monday 9/10 I nursed her for the last time before that nap. I didn't KNOW it would be the last, but I suspected it, and the tears began flowing. After school on Tuesday (when she didn't actually sleep at school), I asked if she wanted "gak" when we were home. She said yes, but then we got distracted by a Daniel Tiger episode (then carpool to get Jane -- half my day is spent in the car it seems!), and she just didn't nurse.

She didn't ask Wednesday or Thursday either and I didn't offer, and my emotional stability bottomed out. I cried throughout the day, at night and have been short-tempered (even more short-tempered than normal). I got into it with a teacher at the preschool carpool (to be fair she stuck her finger in my face to point to where she wanted me to go next time, but I did NOT react well or really safely given that I was driving a huge vehicle!), and I haven't been my best dealing with all the range of emotions and first-grader upsets that came my way.

Liv DID ask for gak on Friday when we were together again for nap time, but I told her the gak is all gone. (It really is, sad as I feel about it.) She said OK, and we rocked and sang. She eventually went to sleep in her crib (and she slept Wednesday and Thursday at school -- I think the trick is to let her take her shoes off!).

So we made it to 29 months of nursing, and when combined with the 26 months I nursed Jane I was a breastfeeding mom for four and a half years. (My blog post about nursing Jane ending is Num Nums are Not Forever -- funny that the girls had different names for nursing).

Nursing mama was a role I have played for more than half of my motherhood so far. I know it is a brief season in the scheme of it all. But it was so treasured, and I'm definitely grieving the end of it. I'm proud of myself for nourishing my girls in this way. They're both healthy and growing, and I have plenty of mothering left to do. But I still feel hollowed out from the transition.

A Photo Wall of Babies

I extended my wall of photos in the hall across from Jane's room. When Jane was 1 I made the photo canvases of her -- basically printed 12x12 prints and modge podged them onto canvases. Also glued strips of scrapbook paper to the sides then dabbed black paint around the edges. Some of the photos look better than others, and we've loved the Jane ones for 5 years now. They were hanging in a straight line on this wall that whole time.

I finally got around to making Livia's versions. Hers are mostly form her first year too, although I think the photo in the graduation cap might be just after 1 year old. Jane's are ordered from youngest to oldest left to right, and Livia's are ordered oldest to youngest left to right.

We mount them with 3M Velcro removable strips and they hold just fine, and allow for a little adjustments if they're not perfectly straight. AND we can switch the order of photos later if we want.

(I thought for sure I'd blogged about this when I made Jane's, but I can't find a post so maybe not. I'm not even sure what online tutorial I used to make them the first time. For Liv's I just winged it.)

Maternal Separation Anxiety

I'm volunteering for my church's VBS. Jane is in the "levelers" crew for The Maker Fun Factory. It's a pretty cute curriculum, and Jane is very happy and loves being so busy. Livia stays in the nursery, and yesterday, day one, was pretty hard. But only for me!

Livia loves all the toys and probably the attention from the workers. There are only 3-4 kids at any given time and plenty of things to check out and do.

Yesterday I was kind of a wreck, and I hated being away from her. I couldn't just go check on her/get a quick hug because I knew that would mess her up. As soon as I went into the nursery she started saying "BYE! BYE!" to everyone, ready to go. And today she cried a little and handed me her water bottle ready to go. Both days I sat and hung out for a bit before we left for the closing VBS songs.

I know it's normal, and she's exhibiting age appropriate attachment. I am sure I felt this way when I was leaving Jane for the first times. So I'm probably normal too. Today was actually much better, and I didn't feel quite as anxious. Maybe it will get progressively better as the week goes on.

As an aside, I'm the photographer for this event. So I'm just floating around the VBS and taking pictures of kids doing this and that. Both days I've taken nearly 300 photos (yikes!), with about 70-80 being usable. But I feel like it's not a very good contribution. Everyone there has cell phones and could easily take (and are taking) plenty of photos. (Who really needs 70+ photos each day?!)

So that adds to the "why am I even here if I'm not needed?" aspect of things and I could be looking after my own baby. BUT she needs the practice so I can get in a better gym rhythm, although the YMCA child care is a different story and Livia cries when I drop her off, even when Jane is there with her. There are more kids, more stuff and I guess it's just less familiar or something.

Still finding our way... And I guess I'll keep shooting the VBS event. It beats cleaning toilets (which another volunteer did because we have a surplus of volunteers and our custodian is out with lung issues)...

The Grace of Grandparents

I was in front of someone in line at Target this week and she was on the phone (people are always on the phone). She was talking about her toddler daughter and how she'd been a handful that morning. The mom had to get groceries and didn't feel like dealing with her. So she called her dad and asked if she could drop off her girl, so that's where the daughter was. (Apparently the person on the other end of the line had asked.)

I wonder if she understands the privilege of that -- having family so close? Of having a safety valve like that whenever you feel like it.

I felt so jealous eavesdropping, even though I only had one of my two children with me, and she was sitting happily in the cart. I would love that option of spontaneous drop off.

I could probably build relationships with some people at church to the point I'd feel comfortable dropping off one or both girls for a few hours at a time. But I'm so uptight, I don't know that I ever will. I also have a weird sense of not wanting to be a burden on ANYONE. I don't even like asking Shawn for help, and he's their dad!

I'm lucky in other ways, I know. And I'm grateful my girls are so loved. (And that their Gingie is here for Thanksgiving week!)

What a Darling Boy ... Gender Norms in Dressing My Baby Daughter

One of the first reactions I had when learning we were having a daughter was a negative feeling about the bows and glitter and girly-ness of dressing her. (I was also terrified of the patriarchal system we brought her into, and that fear is more deeply rooted now in the start of her sixth year, but you know what I mean...)

My fears of "girlie" clothes have been pretty much unfounded, and I've found plenty of clothes I'm fine with Jane wearing. And she gets to choose what to wear from what I've bought and has been handed down to us. I help with appropriateness -- always shorts/leggings under dresses for school, always tennis shoes at school for safety and dressing for the weather -- and I probably "help" a little too much to get my favorite tops or pants worn. But Jane's learning to be confident in her style and clothes choices. (Her latest is Avengers, thanks to my mom -- and she wears her sparkly Captain America shield shirt at least once a week ... marketing geniuses, I tell ya.)

I didn't have the same "OMYGOD" reaction to finding out Livia is a girl. We'd been there, done that and were up to the challenge of doubling the fun (and stress) by raising two daughters. But her babyhood has been very different.

Where Jane had tons of hair and very early had to have hair clips to hold it back Livia came out with much less hair, some of it fell out and it's just now coming in. Technically it could hold a light hair bow or I could always make her wear a headband with a bow, but I reject that style in favor of her comfort!

But combined with her somewhat gender neutral baby clothes this means Livia is often mistaken for a boy.

I can only remember that happening once with Jane, and it was our first visit to the doctor's office after her birth. She was wearing gray sweatpants and a blue UC t-shirt. I'm pretty sure it didn't happen again, and not because I dressed her in pink or frills. I avoided those for a while. (Jane's love for pink and seeing how cute she looks in and how much she likes some frilly, sparkly things made me relent.)

Usually I don't correct strangers if they mistake Livia for a boy, just say thanks because it's usually a complement and move on. One of the guys who delivered Jane's bounce castle told Livia, "It'll be your first birthday before you know it, little man." (And I'm pretty sure she was wearing pink!)

But of course this last week I've been pissed at everything and everyone and will absolutely let anyone know "Oh, she's a girl." And it's grated me enough to write about it.

The default baby is a boy. Short hair equals boy, even when literally this hair is all that's ever grown on her head.

This is a quick take on something that's been on my mind, so it needs work and more thought. Filling up the NaBloPoMo challenge I've set for myself and keeping up that momentum. Over halfway there...

Breastfeeding Reading & Yeast Infection Update

I am cautiously optimistic that my deep breast duct yeast infection is under control. I'm still taking grapefruit seed extract twice a day and keeping up with the increased laundry with vinegar rinse, but my pain is gone. (The fear of pain is not, but that's to be expected I think.)

(Read about the cost of fighting this infection here.)

The search for answers led me to a wonderful book, Dr. Jack Newman's Guide to Breastfeeding. (I also found it in Barnes & Noble's "scratch and dent" for $5, but of course I paid full price!)

I'd recommend this book to any breastfeeding mom and actually any mom considering breastfeeding. It has the science behind breastfeeding well beyond just "breast is best." It explains the tricks and techniques formula companies use to get new customers, including enlisting doctors' help via free samples, office artwork, etc. (Criminal, in my opinion, since at the expense of babies' optimal health!) But even more it has best practices for breastfeeding -- getting started, troubleshooting, etc.

I bought it for the section about thrush/yeast of course. And although the candida protocol information is available on his website there's something about a book that provided me comfort. Reading the other sections have been good for informing my "lactivism," and I've come to believe even more in the power of breastmilk and the perfection of it as a baby food.

Backing up this belief: I have the chubby baby who so far is a somewhat reluctant eater of "real" food but a champion nurser who is big, strong and developing gorgeously.

Costume: Cabbage Patch Kid

For Liv's first Halloween I dressed her up as a Cabbage Patch Kid doll. I don't remember how or why I saw the idea, but it combines crochet with nostalgia so sign me up!

I started by crocheting the Cabbage Patch Kid hat/wig, which was pretty easy and a riff on a regular baby hat (of which I've made so many I can nearly do it in my sleep). I learned a new stitch following this pattern and its video. But instead of making the whole hat with that stitch I just did the brim area. I did braids instead of big puffy pony tails. I may be remembering wrong, but I think my Cabbage Patch doll (Justine?) had braids. She definitely had this dark brown hair.

For the stroller box I had intended to use a more square box, but it ended up being too small. Shawn had ordered some baby gates that came in a box that ended up working out perfectly. "Real" Cabbage Patch doll boxes have clear cellophane across the top, but this one is cut out in the back and front with an opening for the stroller handle. The box slipped over the stroller easily, which made for simple transport.

I used plastic table cloths (about $1 each at the dollar store) to wrap the box and to place on the stroller for her to sit on. If I'd been more intense I could have painted the box and/or added green trim around the box opening. It's clear I free-handed everything. And I like the hand-made/laziness it evokes.

I printed the Cabbage patch logo, some generic flowers and a 2016 ribbon (which I made in Word) and cut them out then taped them on with shipping tape. When I was putting this together I ran out of tape. I swear I go through packing tape like crazy ... and we haven't moved in more than five years, so I don't know where it goes. Luckily I started before I needed the costume finished and had time to buy more tape.

I printed a "birth certificate," although it isn't really visible in the picture (it's by the baby's left shoulder). I used the logo and copied a certificate from online in style and used my baby's name and birth date. I taped it in place too.

My daughter wore clothes and shoes of mine from when I was a little girl, so vintage early 80s stuff. It really completed the look, although the wig/hat itself was enough to get the point across!

The costume was a big hit at our church's trunk-or-treat, and some of the trick-or-treaters even stopped to take their picture with her! I thought that was kind of neat. (Also many of them were like "huh? what's a Cabbage Patch?" but it was the moms who got it!)

Jane wore an Iron Man costume, and I'll have a post about that later this week.

Breastfeeding Madness

I've written about breastfeeding before, including a recent post on The Mommy-Go-Round. And when I talk or write about breastfeeding I AM INSUFFERABLE!

It's so easy, she said. Anyone can do it, she said.

NOPE NOPE NOPE.

Consider me humbled, crow eaten and in awe of moms who make it through breastfeeding challenges. If I experienced this the first time around and didn't know how easy it is to "open bra, push baby to breast, go back to eating/reading/scrolling" I'm not sure we would have made it to seven months of exclusive breastfeeding, let alone 26 months total! 

Everything went great with Jane (although reading back in the posts I did have a bout of mastitis that I cleared up without much trouble). But for the past couple weeks I've been in the land of eat-your-words, because breastfeeding has been anything but easy.

To start I had a sore nipple, maybe seemed like a milk bleb. I did hot compresses and lots of nursing to get it open, but it kept hurting and last Wednesday night I got the shock of my life when knife-like pains started internally in my breast, basically all throughout the milk ducts, after my last nursing of the evening.

I've done so much internet sleuthing, but it didn't seem like mastitis (no fever/chills) and didn't seem like yeast/thrush because Livia didn't have any symptoms and mine weren't typical and it was only on one side.

I started calling the doctor's office right away on Thursday afternoon after a terrible bout with pain, but because I felt some better when I called on Friday they didn't seem to be in any rush to have me be seen. Then I had to wait over the weekend to come in, and it got worse and worse (a couple hours of level 9/10 pain after each nursing on the right side).

So far I've been to a nurse practitioner (who diagnosed mastitis even without any mastitis symptoms) and prescribed an antibiotic. Then I had a lactation consultation, and they think it sounds more like yeast, and they recommended treating with diflucan. My doctor's office prescribed that, but only one dose, which is what is recommended for a vaginal yeast infection, with a second dose 7 days later.

The lactation consultants all referred me to "Tips from the Trenches," and the handout on yeast (and everywhere else on the internet) recommends a much longer-term dosing (instead of one dose you take a double dose and then one dose daily for 14 days). So far the doctor's office has said "no way" to that and told me to continue the antibiotic (even though an antibiotic can wipe out the good bacteria that can help fight off the yeast organisms).

I also got some advice on a better latch with Livia. She was pretty wild during the consultation -- slipping on and off the breast and chomping more than usual. It's most comfortable when she's calm/sleepy and can just get down to business. But having to TRY with the latch after months of pain-free automatic nursing has been difficult.

But the PAIN has been the worst. My nipple is still sore (got some prescription cream for that now, although I had to ask if that was OK/it was never offered as an option) so nursing/initial latch is painful. But it's nothing compared to the feeling after nursing is done and the yeast starts attacking.

My pain is worse in the mornings after the first feed, although I do have pain throughout the day after nursings. PERHAPS it's because I go so long in the night between feeds (Livia and I like to sleep) and I have been hesitant to nurse on the right overnight because I know the pain will wake me up totally. But tonight I'm going to try and nurse on the right and hope the morning pain is more manageable. I'm also going to take some ibuprofen in the night, which might help.

In my own opinion, not being an MD or nurse, I have a very stubborn and strong yeast infection that will need the bigger course of diflucan. In the meantime I'm trying grapefruit seed extract, taking high doses of probiotics to counteract the antibiotic and still looking for gentian violet locally (as usual if I'd just ordered it on Amazon once I suspected yeast I could have been using it already). For the pain I'm taking double doses of ibuprofen spaced 6-8 hours apart. It doesn't really touch the pain at all, unfortunately.

There's also the risk of re-infection and the breastfeeding literature says baby and mom should be treated simultaneously to prevent spreading it back and forth. So far Livi has no symptoms so her pediatrician won't treat for it. I hope it stays that way, and that if she does get symptoms we can do some gentian violet or similar to knock it out fast. There's lots of extra laundry in that towels and burp rags, baby clothes and bras all have to be washed in hot water with vinegar rinse. All the breast pump parts and any pacifiers/toys that go in her mouth have to be washed AND boiled (daily!). I've already melted some of her best toys doing that, so I've been limiting what I let her put in her mouth to things that are definitely washable/boilable or that I don't care if they get ruined.

I plan to write a Mommy-Go-Round post after all is said and done -- and to eat my crow in a more public way. And I have a lot more to say about the experience emotionally. But in the mean time, that's where I am now.

Being in Two Places

Out and about -- photo by Aunt B

I'm 12 weeks into this "having two kids" life, and so far it's pretty great. The age difference is good, as Jane is happy to have a baby sister and helpful most of the time. We've had our moments, and someone from church said "Oh, I hate a four-year age difference ... just think about one in high school while the other is in college." (Or something like that -- I honestly can't really remember her objection logic.)

But the age difference also has struggles, but it's really just the struggle of having a newborn during the heat of the summer and wanting to maintain Jane's active schedule.

I've wanted to be in two places at once so many times already, starting with a field trip at Jane's school when Livia was just a few weeks old (I couldn't even walk properly yet, so it was impossible to consider) and the latest being taking Jane to the Finding Dory movie yesterday (my sister and nephew did that for me).

Basically Livia needs me right now, while Jane needs someone to do activities with her and that can be daddy, Aunt B or a friend. I can still do a lot with her, and we do. I've been taking her to swim lessons this week while Aunt B watches Livia -- two hours away at a time is the longest I've stretched it so far, and it was doable but not my favorite. We also go to the library, since that's something Livia can easily come along for. But I couldn't volunteer at VBS so Jane was there alone, and I can't take her to the water park or similar.

Yesterday the Mommy-Go-Round blog published one of my last (or last?) blog posts - Bringing Home Baby #2. (I could look it up whether I've submitted anymore. I honestly can't remember.)

More Writing ...

My freelance (emphasis on the free) writing continues to be published on my hospital's blog, The Mommy-Go-Round, and my doula's blog at Birth Help. Here are a few recent posts:

Better Birth Through Improved Communication
I’m a communications professional by trade with degrees in journalism and years of experience in public relations. I excel with the written word and communicating within a marketing framework. Communicating is my vocation, but when it came to talking to my doctor about my wishes for childbirth I came up short. Standing up for myself and what I need does not come naturally to me.
I needed some help to become a more effective communicator in the doctor-patient relationship.

VBAC Success: I Will Push This Baby Out of My Vagina
Despite everything stacking up against my desire for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) – previous big baby, ultrasound estimating an even bigger baby, being overdue and having gestational diabetes – I was ultimately successful and delivered my second daughter vaginally.

Our Jaundice Experience
Both my daughters had jaundice, a condition in which the baby’s blood contains too much bilirubin and makes her skin and eyes appear yellow. My older daughter’s jaundice resolved itself on its own, but my younger daughter born at the end of March had a more severe case. She had a lot of risk factors – exclusively breastfed, larger baby (born 10 lbs, 8 oz.) and our blood types were incompatible, which seemed to be the thing that worried the pediatrician the most.

A Mama's Choice: Getting Started Breastfeeding
I breastfed my first daughter for 26 months, and that nursing relationship was a very healing thing for me after the disappointment of my C-section. I’m proud of myself and my body for feeding and nourishing her for so long. So I knew no matter how my second birth went I would be a nursing mom again for this second baby.

I have high hopes to actually write more HERE and have a list of posts I'd like to write (and have probably written dozens of times in my head). Nothing earth shattering but just continuing to chronicle bits and pieces of this life I'm living. Time at a keyboard is limited, and I'm also trying to work on a (paid!) freelance project and ease back into my volunteer work at church.

Writing Elsewhere on the Web

Note - as soon as I posted about the thank you notes we got a thank you from the most recent kid party. So not all families skip thank you notes!

I've written a few posts at my hospital's blog called The Mommy-Go-Round. I thought I'd share them here in case you'd like to read them. All my posts are here, and there will be four or five more posted. I just sent them in yesterday. Let me know what you think!

Here are links to the posts published so far, including Livia's birth story:

My Birth Story: A Successful VBAC at Woman’s

Despite everything stacking up against my desire for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) – previous big baby, ultrasound estimating an even bigger baby, being overdue and having gestational diabetes – I was ultimately successful and delivered my second daughter vaginally.

Continue Reading...

Gestational Diabetes Diary: The Home Stretch

I’m writing this one week away from my estimated due date, so no matter what, I’m in the home stretch of this pregnancy. Although it’s been true since the beginning, each day brings me closer to birthing and meeting my daughter. I can’t wait!

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A Baby is Coming! Sibling Class at Woman’s Hospital

Our four-year-old daughter is very excited about becoming a big sister, and she’s maintained a very positive attitude about the new baby since we told her around week 12 of the pregnancy. (We didn’t tell anyone else before her, since it impacts her more than pretty much anyone else.) It’s good that we’re expecting another […]

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Gestational Diabetes Diary: I Just Want a Cookie!

As I am rounding the bend to the end of this pregnancy and my experience with gestational diabetes (and hopefully diabetes all together – unless I should ever become pregnant again), I find myself wanting a cookie more than ever. Both literally and metaphorically. I have worked very hard to maintain my blood glucose levels, […]

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Things I’ve Missed During My Pregnancy with Gestational Diabetes

All pregnant women miss some foods and drink that are on the verboten list such as sushi, wine and cold sandwiches. I miss those things too, but I have an even longer list of “wish I could haves.” Here are just a few I’ve been thinking about. In addition to the raw fish aspect of […]

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Preparing for VBAC with Gestational Diabetes

When I was pregnant in 2011 I had a desk job, and as my due date neared my assignments decreased to the point of sheer boredom. I joked that I was able to “finish reading the Internet” because I had so much time on my hands. That’s not the case this pregnancy; although I do […]

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I Bought a Diaper Bag and a Car Seat – It’s Getting Real

I’m not a first-time mom, so I haven’t spent much of this pregnancy poring over listicles of “things you need” and “things you don’t need” to bring home a new baby. It may be false confidence, but I think we can handle it. Although there still are a few things we need to buy. One […]

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A Supposedly Fun Thing (or Why Movie Tavern & Gestational Diabetes Do Not Mix)

Date nights are rare in my house. We’ve never taken the time to find a regular babysitter, and our families live more than a day’s drive away. So when we have family stay with us we take advantage and sneak away for dinner and a movie. Since the new Movie Tavern opened near our house […]

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Patient Perspective: Blood Glucose Testing for Gestational Diabetes

I’m not really needle averse, but poking my finger 4+ times a day is not my idea of a good time. And I had a rough experience at the lab with the blood draws for the glucose screening tests that left one of my arms bruised for weeks to really add insult to injury for […]

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The Gestational Diabetes Diet

After I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 17 weeks I assumed I’d be following a low carbohydrate diet. I have experience with that from the South Beach diet that I used before my first pregnancy and smart carb dieting recommended by the staff of the Metabolic Clinic while I successfully managed my insulin resistance […]
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What to Expect at Your First Diabetes Center Visit

I met with Ellie, a diabetes nurse educator, and Sara, a dietitian, at the Woman’s Hospital Diabetes Center about a week after I failed the three-hour glucose test. I was surprised when I called to schedule the appointment that someone actually answered the phone – there’s no answering service like I’m used to with my […]

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Gestational Diabetes Diary

Gestational diabetes is just what it sounds like – diabetes that arises during gestation. It’s usually diagnosed with a glucose challenge (the dreaded orange drink test) around week 24-28 of the pregnancy. Most women pass the test no problem and continue with their normal pregnancies. (That’s what happened to me with my first pregnancy in […]

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Southern Manners Don't Extend to Gratitude

This is a terrible thing to b*tch about, but it's been irritating me a great deal. And what do I do with irritating things? Complain!

Jane's at an age where she's being invited to birthday parties for her classmates. If it's in our ability to attend we usually do. We missed one the weekend after Livia was born, but otherwise Jane has gone to the parties she has been invited to.

We always take a gift, and I don't mind giving a child a gift for his or her birthday. In fact, it is a pleasure (usually) to pick out something with Jane's help - either at Target or on Amazon - that the friend will like.

What I don't like is no acknowledgement of the gift. And that seems to be standard here, even among the people who insist on "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir" and their children calling me "Ms. Mari" (which I'm getting used to but still don't care for that much). The thank you notes we have received have been from families who aren't from the South originally ... curious, right?

I don't need a thank you note -- although those are certainly nice, and we send notes for every gift we receive. (If I've failed to send you a note for a gift call me out on it!) What I would like is a "thanks for X" either from the parent or kid.

Part of the problem is the elaborate parties at rental places. So much fun for the kids and easy for all the parents, but it doesn't leave time to open gifts during the party. (It would be completely acceptable to me for a hearty "Thanks!" upon opening the present as it's tossed in a pile, but that can't happen if the presents are opened after the party.)

Shawn was at Jane's school for show-and-tell when one of the kids showed a gift he received at his party. The teacher asked him who gave it to him and he didn't know (completely understandable since he's 5!). But Shawn knew since it was what we gave him. I'm so glad the kid liked it, and at least I got to know that, which should be enough.

It is such an ungracious thing for me to gripe about. Seriously -- what's ruder than complaining about other people being rude?! Not much. Maybe bragging about how I do things "right"? Read on, friend. Read on...

After our baby shower I sent thank you notes for the gifts we received. Pretty standard fare, and all the people at our shower were members of our Sunday school class, average age of 70 I'd say (excluding us and the other mid-30s couple). So I would think they would expect the social nicety of an expression of gratitude. EVERY SINGLE ONE thanked me for my card and were surprised to receive more than our verbal thanks at the party.

So what's the deal? Do they not "do" notes here in the South? What about monograms and stationery and that kind of thing? Thank you notes, Christmas cards and birth announcements (going out this week, finally!) are the last bits of real mail I send out, and I relish doing it. Am I just an anomaly? Raised in a different culture? Just my family's emphasis on the importance of expressing gratitude with written thanks?

Whatever it is I'm going to work to make it part of Jane and Livia's culture and carry on my family tradition!

FitBit Phooey

I still love my FitBit, but its usefulness for new mamas is suspect.

During pregnancy there was an option in the dashboard to select "pregnant." I'm certain that it changed the "calories burned" and estimated I was burning more each day because I was growing a person (truth). But sometime during the pregnancy they removed that option entirely. I tweeted about it, and FitBit support tweeted back, directing me to a semi-helpful thread. It says that the "pregnancy" option didn't increase the calories burned estimate - was basically an option that served no purpose. I have no way of verifying that because the dashboard doesn't make it easy to scroll back to look. So whatever. Not a huge problem, especially because I'm not using it as a weight loss tool or really paying attention to the calorie burn. Just weird.

It also isn't very good at measuring sleep, and it thinks I'm sleeping as soon as I'm semi-still even if I'm tossing and turning or reading in bed. That's not unique to newborns' moms though, and that was an issue I noticed even before.

The "real" issue for new mamas is about how the tracker measures things that are not steps as steps. Specifically rocking in a rocking chair counts as steps -- and "intense" steps to boot. And patting a baby on the back -- for burping, general comfort, etc. -- is also stepping. I would have thought I'd need to have some forward momentum for that to be counted. I can almost see how the rocker could be mistaken for an elliptical machine -- there's no way for the FitBit to know that I'm sitting down while my wrist makes that gliding motion. (But it still doesn't count steps if I'm pushing a cart because my wrist is pretty still?!?!)

Basically my calorie burn still seems high, although as a nursing mom that's accurate, and my step count is WAY high -- being overestimated in the thousands I'd say. I can look at the dashboard and see the peaks in my activity are times when I was sitting on my butt holding/nursing/rocking. Another gripe - only the dashboard on the web shows this level of detail. Neither the app on my phone nor the direct software on my computer will actually show hour-by-hour info like the web dashboard will. Bad design on top of weak-ish technology?

But like I said before, data is data and as long as I only compare it to my own data from the same time period it could still be useful. I'm looking forward to being able to do more real steps. I can't believe I'm still recovering four weeks after the birth, but that's the rub in pushing out a 10.5 lb baby I suppose!

Here's a picture of some baby feet that one day will take steps of their own:

L is for ...

Livia

Born 3/31/16. 10 lb. 8 oz. 22 inches long.

Crochet Baby Mermaid Tails

A friend posted some cute pictures of babies wearing mermaid tails on Facebook. She wondered if she knew anyone who could make such a thing. I raised my (virtual) hand and got to work with some stash yarn. It's been so fun. I love quick, little projects (and remember why I loved making all those blasted hats ... of which I probably have 40+ left!).

I found two free patterns: Mermaid Newborn Cozy and Mermaid Tail Cocoon. I kept crocheting, trying to get the waist the right size. Finally I think I got enough options and we'll see if baby girl can fit into one of them. I plan to get them in the mail today. I love the purple the best, but I think it's going to be too small. In the two bigger blue ones I added waist bands -- just a long chain woven between a row of double crochet to make it cinchable, on the off chance that I did get one too big.

I improvised the tops (and only made two because I think they're adjustable enough) -- just 3-4 rows of double crochet with a small double crochet row tied together in the front middle and long chains to add to the back. They are definitely just for show!

Crochet: Leaping Stripes & Blocks and Mary Jane Shoes

 I've used Mooglyblog patterns before and loved them, but I finally subscribed to the blog itself. It's amazing and full of great crochet ideas and patterns. Love.

Anyway I made the Leaping Stripes & Blocks pattern for a to-be-born baby using dark grey, white and honey bee yellow. I didn't like the color choices at first, but as I kept plugging away they grew on me. There are a lot of great yellow & grey crochet inspiration pins that I looked through to help myself believe that this combination was winning. I'm pretty much won over, although I think I would have liked it more had I made the stripes of color wider.

I added a soft ruffle edging, which I borrowed from a pattern in my Gumdrops and Rainbows pattern leaflet. It's basically *double crochet, chain 2 in first stitch, (dc ch2 dc ch2) in second stitch and repeat.

I had checked out a Crochet to Go ebook from my library and tried a pattern there too. It was for crochet baby Mary Jane shoes. I followed the pattern exactly and made the sock with my first attempt. They looked somewhat crazy, in part because I couldn't figure out what "curved part" meant when looking at an oval, and also because the sock is open in the back and very floppy.

For my second try I omitted the sock and used yellow for the sole and grey for the shoe itself. I made them in about 2 hours (watching TV, so not working the entire time). Very easy and adorable. I love the way the second pair turned out. They'll go with the blanket when it's closer to due date!

Num Nums are Not Forever

This week I said goodbye to an important part of my parenting life up to this point. Jane stopped nursing, after just over 26 months. I'm feeling lots of feelings about it.

I have thought of myself as an accidental hippie mama in this respect, but really I am an intentional lactivist and wholly believe that extended nursing has been a boon to her health and development. It's also been pretty great for me, what with regular releases of feel-good hormones (and you know I need all the feel-good-ness I can get!).

Now that weaning is over I can feel the difference, but at least our weaning was gradual. I haven't had any engorgement or pain issues. When I started drafting this post, everything felt fine emotionally. But a couple days later and the hormonal bottom has dropped out so to speak. I've had a terrible, no-good, horrible day with lots of crying and am trying to regain equilibrium. I'm chalking it up to the hormonal shifts that come with completed weaning, although it is probably a lot of things together. I just didn't know it would hit me so hard.

I'm quite proud that we made it so far, but I'm actually more surprised that we've completed weaning! I was starting to think it wouldn't happen, mostly because we both love it so much. It had started getting more challenging, with her being so big and unfocused about it.

I wanted the perfect children's book to say goodbye to nursing, but I never found a good one. We did read "Ready to Wean" a lot (affiliate link), and talked about the concept, so it was at least partly an intellectual assent on her part too. She did understand why we were going to stop and was able to agree to "no more num nums."

We didn't set a firm deadline, but it just sort of happened, as I suggested not nursing one night before bed (extra singing and cuddles in its place), and we kept dropping until even the nap nursing was gone. The last time we nursed was very briefly on Sunday 1/12 before her nap.

My body had a very difficult time getting pregnant, and it's never been a well-oiled machine. But I found out that it can feed a baby to perfection. For the first 6+ months of Jane's life she was all breast milk all the time, and she was the chubbiest, most beautiful and healthy baby. Her doctor often proclaimed her "perfect" and pointed out how proud I should be for providing her with that nutrition.

But it was really just the easiest thing. I didn't have to think about it after the first month or so, and after six weeks we stopped tracking and just went to feeding on demand (mainly because Christmas travel screwed up my note taking). It's the feeding her food that's been so much more difficult!

Jane's been pretty healthy, avoiding most fevers and colds thanks in part I'm sure to the protective qualities of breast milk. I'll be interested to see if she gets sick more often now, although it's not a fair comparison since she's much more out in the world these days and her immune system is more mature.

It's a bittersweet time, as I'm going to miss the special bond -- and the guaranteed soother. But I'm glad to have this baby girl continue to grow into childhood.

A Toddler and Her Christmas Tree