A Habit: One Daily Bible Reading

This year I've been reading through the Bible again with my One Year Bible, New Living Translation. I've used my Kindle Fire, which is nice to make highlights and look back on. I rarely write in real books, including my Bible. I've mostly shifted to reading digitally, but there's something special about a torn up, well-used Bible. I've read through my hard copy of this book at least twice in my life. It's pretty convenient to have the Kindle option for travel, not that I did much this year, but I almost always go to bed with my Kindle in my hand. (I do my reading at the end of the day. Maybe someday I'll shift to morning devotional, but I don't know.)

Anyway, I can look up the things I've marked via the Kindle browser reading app, and I thought I'd record some of them here. I'm (obviously) not finished with the year, but Dec. 31 isn't part of NaBloPoMo, and who knows if I'd remember to do it or even be up for doing it then?! This wasn't as easy as copying and pasting, since rightly for copyright reasons Amazon doesn't let you just copy text out of ebooks. Hopefully I got all the citations correct - let me know if you notice any are wrong.

Psalm 22:14b: My heart is like wax, melting within me.

Exodus 33: 19b: For I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose.

Psalm 36:5: Your unfailing love, O LORD, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.

Psalm 56: 9b: You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
I remember my Gran talking about this verse some, and how comforting that was knowing our tears are noticed and collected even metaphorically.

Luke 17: 21c: For the Kingdom of God is already among you.
This idea of already here AND not yet is so weighty and doesn't automatically make sense to me. I'm starting to get it, maybe?

Proverbs 15:17: A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate.

Job 16:16: My eyes are red with weeping; dark shadows circle my eyes.
I cry a lot so I seem to mark passages about tears and crying. But I also marked a few that would be easy to memorize. I was thinking back to the AWANA years (just a few in middle school since it wasn't at my home church but another in my town). Often we would be scrambling just before meeting began to come up with a scripture to memorize. It's the same thing with the heart like wax melting within me. Beautiful and sticks in your head no problem...

Psalm 89:15: Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of your presence, LORD.
Once our church started working on the capital campaign, called The Walk, I started seeing and hearing about walking with regards to faith, quite a bit.

1 Peter 3:15b: And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it.
I am a big fat failure on this one, so I marked it as a reminder/encouragement/get your act in gear kind of thing.

These are just a few of the verses that spoke to me this year. I also mark ones that I question and that don't make sense. Sometimes later something in a sermon or Sunday school class will clarify some question. On other issues I'm still in the dark. And maybe I'll have to be OK with that.

Affiliate link on the Bible image.

Disappointing People

The church website redesign is basically complete except for a few tweaks that the guy we're PAYING to work on it has to complete. It's been nearly two months since we launched, and he hasn't found the time to finish up. We already paid his invoice, including some extra time for these items (he estimated 2 hours, so seriously how could he have not found two hours to finish in two months?!). I finally heard from him that he's out of town/not working at all this week so...

One of the things I needed his help on was mobile-friendly email templates. We're still using Constant Contact, which is fine/everyone knows how to use, but it's an additional expense to Business Catalyst, which is supposed to be our all-in-one solution for web and email marketing needs. It would be if I were savvier and/or if this technical contact had time to complete the work.

Every time I try to modify the mobile-friendly templates that came with our website theme I manage to mess up something that makes the email look fine on a computer but not big enough text on a phone or tablet. That may have to be enough for the Advent devotional guide emails that start next Sunday because I can't use Constant Contact for those without creating individual daily emails that BC can create automatically because I have the content set up as a blog to post daily. I've got to set those up this week - I was just waiting for the template, but it looks like I'll have to figure out a solution myself OR just be OK with a mobile un-friendly template.

Disappointing people works both ways.

Today I "passed the camera" for doing the church's sermon videos. A new member has an IT background/job and is willing...so quick as a wink -- literally two Sundays after he joined -- he's now in charge of recording and processing videos. Of course there's an issue with the sound on this week's video, which for the life of me I don't know how to fix. But I have a lot more grace for him about it than I did when I was responsible for screwed up videos. So we'll see how it all shakes out, but I definitely feel like I disappointed this guy by not helping him get the video to have audio. Argh.

During the web redesign I was in contact with a number of people trying to get updated content. Most ignored the request and we still have the same text and photos as we did before. If they're OK with it I'm OK with it. But one guy took the request VERY seriously and has come back to me several times with additional changes and re-thinking the picture he wanted me to use, etc. I laugh at his bottom line that "colorful is better," which is something I've heard from several non-web people so maybe it is true. In his case he wanted to replace a green-heavy photo of trees with a pink/orange-heavy photo of a sunset. That was fine with me, but I am pretty sure green is a color too. Oh well. It was something that stuck with me, but I think we're good with that page for now.

I almost made it through Sunday school today without being offended, but at the end the teacher decided to start talking about Syrian refugees in very negative terms and I just walked out. Shawn stayed (I also really had to go to the bathroom) and told me some more of what was said including "video doesn't lie." LOL! I don't know how to handle this, since I'm so diametrically opposed to the class viewpoint. I want to study Scripture, but I don't really want to hear hate and fear mongering presented as the correct and only way to interpret the Word. My bleeding heart is extra sensitive these days (and I know that many conservative Christians agree with me about the need to help and welcome refugees). I don't know who disappointed whom in this scenario, but it was stressing me out so I tacked it on here.

God Loves...

We go to a Sunday school class at our church. Over a year ago we switched from one that had a lot of just slightly older than us couples that didn't include much Bible in the lessons to a class with mostly decades-older than us couples who directly study Scripture. Both classes are fine, but I am pretty sure I have more to gripe about with this one, although I'm staying the course for now.

As far as I can tell everyone else in the class is very right-leaning and conservative. That's cool, and I like being exposed to ideas different than mine. But some things are hard to swallow, especially when we completely disagree on Scripture interpretation. I also don't like their parenting advice (lots of spanking, for example) or the majority opinions on racism and justice (but that's another post). Pretty much every week there's something I don't agree with - minor or major. It makes good conversation fodder for Shawn and me, so I guess that's something.

A couple months ago there was an incident that left me in tears and obsessing through the week. I didn't write about it at the time because it was raw (and I wasn't really writing/it was right around the time of the Maker Faire). I'm not sure if dredging it back up now is a smart idea. But hey, it's NaBloPoMo, and I gotta write something! (It also puts into perspective my current rage/annoyance about the missed sermon video, being patronized by others and feeling my church volunteer work is really not valued ... but it doesn't eliminate that fury, unfortunately!)

We are studying the Bible using N.T. Wright's New Testament for Everyone (affiliate link). We were in Matthew 5, and one of the questions was something like "How do you reconcile and make friends?" I wrote and said something about remembering that the person I'm reconciling with is loved by God too. I was mainly thinking about being reconciled with others in the class when they say things that are so totally off the wall to me.

I got severely smacked down because the teacher and others in the class vehemently said God does NOT in fact love everyone. And it turned into this whole lecture of Satan still at work (as if I don't believe in evil because I believe God's love is stronger), and I got so upset I started to cry. It was really embarrassing.

Someone even said, "What good would it be to be a Christian if everyone were blessed the same and all were going to heaven?" I almost blew my top but didn't -- since I was already about to weep openly.

I know they're thinking of ISIS and "the other" people, but it just upset me beyond measure to think they're saying God does not love all of his creation. God's love is limitless, and I don't know how it works.

But they were acting like they do know for sure, even though the teacher said "I don't get to decide who is, it's not up to me to judge. That's above my pay grade." While obviously acting like he DOES know and gets to judge.

It was just ugly and I ran out crying after the closing prayer even though they wanted to keep talking about it.

The teacher emailed, apologizing for making me cry but not really for the main point. It took me more than a week to read the email and then reply, and only then after I'd talked to our pastor about it. I think eventually the teacher agreed with me that God does love people, even those who reject him. I think his vehemence might have been a semantics/vocabulary issue. (And points to a lack of respect for opposing view points, I think.)

In his email he tried to use the Prodigal Son parable to make his point -- saying that if the younger son had stayed away instead of coming back he would have always remained separated from his father. Yeah, duh. But that doesn't change that the father still loved him and wanted him to come back (making my point).

The conversation with our pastor was helpful, and he recommended some books and was nice about it. I didn't skip any classes, even though I really wanted to. I have a flair for the dramatic at times. I also came across this blog post, People We Shouldn't Love, the same week of this blow up. Its timing was providential, as it was making the points I couldn't articulate.

The Right Way to Celebrate?

Amidst the Christmas cheer and glad tidings of great joy I harbor confusion and crankiness.

I'm not sure I'm "doing Christmas" right. Not reverently enough. Not enough attention to Advent. Not even fully understanding Advent.

Christ already came, died and was resurrected. Shouldn't we be "Easter people" all the time?

In my attempts to do everything "right," for Jane, myself, our family, I wander ... or something. Trying to mold church tradition into my limited understanding and general doubts. Turning it over in my mind without it making any sense.

Shawn had to remind me that it's really about waiting for the second coming after I expressed my unease with this repetitive calendar cycle when nothing really changes. I know I'm approaching Christmas in the wrong way. And it makes me anxious.

Will I ever "get it"? There are sparks of clarity that are fleeting. My soul does cry out for Jesus -- come, Lord Jesus, come, even while he is here with me. How does that work?!

Salt and Light

Today was laity Sunday, so we had a lay speaker preach. The text (from Matthew) was about being the light of the world and salt of the earth:

¹³ “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

I loved the children's sermon, although I don't know about the theological soundness. The presenter talked about salt and this little light like you're expect, but she also said something I had never heard before. She talked about how when we eat salty foods we get very thirsty. And so we're meant to be salt for other people and make them thirsty for Jesus' love (living water). I liked it anyway.

When I was in high school I had a T-shirt with part of the salt verse on it. What a funny thing to remember.

Questions

I attend a Bible study on Monday nights, and our leader is amazing. She asks really good questions, including great conversation starters like:

• What was your best birthday memory?
  
• If you could shadow anyone for a day, who would you choose and why?

I've spent time thinking about those, so much that I remember them even months or more than a year later. And last night's question, while not a conversation starter but more of a heart starter, is still tumbling in my head.

What concrete difference in your life does knowing the end of your story make?

We all had to answer, and I rambled something about parenting/motherhood, how I don't think I'd want to be a parent without the end of the story, the Gospel, knowing and feeling God's love. What would be the point? It would be so hopeless and seem cruel.

I'm not sure that's what I really mean -- or my full answer or something. But I thought it was a profound question in any case and that you, my three or four loyal readers, might enjoy thinking about it for yourselves too.