A Decade of Owen

Last visit to Baton Rouge as a 9-year-old.

It's hard to believe that "Baby O" is ten (10!) years old today.

I can vividly remember the day ten years ago, when I was in Maryland starting graduate school and my sister was in labor. Owen was almost a week late. I had been home on Beth's actual due date.

I sat in an orientation class of some sort, and for the "ice breaker" fact I shared that my sister was having a baby and I'd rather be with her at that point. The dean of the school did his best to make me feel "other" and wrong about that. He just couldn't understand that desire and mocked me for it.

Beth and I texted for as long as she could manage.

I was in Ikea looking at hanging hooks with my roommate when I got the call from my dad that Owen had arrived.

I didn't get to meet him until nearly four months later -- December 17, 2004. And in the meantime I met Shawn.

Graduate school was the right thing for me, and led me to my life with Shawn. But I sure would have liked to have been there when Owen came into the world.

Now he's a silly, smart and fun boy. It's amazing to realize how quickly the time has gone.

Here's to many, many, many more years of Owen! AMLBO!!!

Feelings About Others Feeding My Toddler

So I'm not really a mommy blogger, despite motherhood being the thing that defines this season of my life best. I start and stop writing about my daughter, even though there's so much to say I try to think about her privacy vs. sharing my parenting experiences.

(Total random aside: I read a lot of mommy blogs, and one version I can't stand -- but still hate read -- are the non-stop complainers. Yeah, I get it. Motherhood/parenthood is hard. But get over yourself/mix in a little bit of the wonder and joy now and again! /rant)

Anyway, this is something that's been bugging me and I want to write about it as a way to organize my thoughts and consider my next steps.

What Jane eats is important to me. I'm not a perfect hippie, but I aspire to some aspects of the lifestyle -- in particular whole foods free of chemicals, dyes and extra sugar.

So far I've been able to do an OK job for Jane. Being in charge of her meals means she is at least offered a variety of choices, all of which are good for her. She does not eat super sweet things -- including ice cream, candy, cookies, Kool-aid or even juice -- no matter how much I know she would love them.

That's not to say things don't slip in -- she eats her share of processed crackers, cheddar bunnies or rockets (Trader Joe's brand goldfish), pretzels, dip, pizza and salad dressing. She's tried cake (and talks about is a lot!) and gets whipped cream on her berries occasionally plus sneaks a few chips every now and again too. She can eat a grilled cheese the size of her head and loves quesadillas.

Let's just say that her diet isn't perfect but it could easily be derailed. Especially as she grows and is going into more situations where I'm not in charge of what she eats. A particular sore point for me is our church Sunday school. Jane was invited to join the preschool class this fall. I've decided to wait on letting her start -- partly because I want her to be fully potty trained -- but mostly because I don't want her being fed junk food every week.

I want our church to do better by our kids -- ALL our kids. I know I can't wipe out the mentality that "treats" for kids are a way to show love, which I think is a big part of the food selection at church. Truthfully I find myself wanting to do that often -- whether with food or toys -- so I fully realize this is a "pot-kettle-black" situation too. (In more ways than one, since my own diet leaves a lot to be desired ... Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper addiction are clear examples of that!) There's also the ease factor of most unhealthy foods -- packaged, keep forever and kids will actually eat them.

But I don't know if I've got the fight in me to even make the change for the littlest kids, and so I've put it off. I said I'll reevaluate sending her to the class when she's 3 in a couple months.

But every Sunday I feel a tug -- of what she's missing in the class in terms of spiritual education. The nursery where she is (and where I complained about the snacks there until they agreed to cheerios, pretzels and water) doesn't include any type of Bible story or praying, both of which Jane is ready for.

I shouldn't have to choose between her spiritual health and her physical health, and I know in both instances Shawn and I are the primary factor for now. I don't see a solution yet, except for getting into it/really pressing for better food choices at the preschool class level.

Or should I change? Am I being overly controlling about what goes into Jane's body? Is it inevitable that she consume junk, and therefore just go with the flow? It seems like the other parents at church take that approach. (And I'm not questioning anyone's dedication for their kids or their kids' health.) Can I hold it off a little longer?

How will I know?

Crochet: Leaping Stripes & Blocks and Mary Jane Shoes

 I've used Mooglyblog patterns before and loved them, but I finally subscribed to the blog itself. It's amazing and full of great crochet ideas and patterns. Love.

Anyway I made the Leaping Stripes & Blocks pattern for a to-be-born baby using dark grey, white and honey bee yellow. I didn't like the color choices at first, but as I kept plugging away they grew on me. There are a lot of great yellow & grey crochet inspiration pins that I looked through to help myself believe that this combination was winning. I'm pretty much won over, although I think I would have liked it more had I made the stripes of color wider.

I added a soft ruffle edging, which I borrowed from a pattern in my Gumdrops and Rainbows pattern leaflet. It's basically *double crochet, chain 2 in first stitch, (dc ch2 dc ch2) in second stitch and repeat.

I had checked out a Crochet to Go ebook from my library and tried a pattern there too. It was for crochet baby Mary Jane shoes. I followed the pattern exactly and made the sock with my first attempt. They looked somewhat crazy, in part because I couldn't figure out what "curved part" meant when looking at an oval, and also because the sock is open in the back and very floppy.

For my second try I omitted the sock and used yellow for the sole and grey for the shoe itself. I made them in about 2 hours (watching TV, so not working the entire time). Very easy and adorable. I love the way the second pair turned out. They'll go with the blanket when it's closer to due date!

TIBTIL: Starbucks Iced Coffee

This is a ridiculously expensive treat, if you look at it from the cost of brewing and chilling coffee yourself. If you look at it against the cost of buying individual iced coffees at Starbucks then it's a downright bargain! Either way it's a thing I bought that I love.

I grabbed it on a whim when I was looking for buttermilk (none to be found in my regular grocery store). I really like it -- although I'm not super particular about my coffee so results may vary! I put it over ice and add some milk or fat-free half and half. Sipping from a straw completes the experience for me.

This is not a sponsored post.

Punctuality is Killing My Toddler's Social Life

I keep screwing up moms group meetings. A couple weeks ago it was because of my lack of smart phone and a non-sending text message that said it sent.

Today it was a park playdate near our house. I saw it yesterday but only decided we would go today after we did wake up and get ready and Jane agreed that she wanted to go. They were meeting at 10 at the park. A few people had written "can't make it til 11" but the others didn't say anything so I assumed it was still 10. Bad assumption of course, but I cannot bring myself to be late. Even though taking my time and being a little late today would have been so easy.

I was the first one there a few minutes after 10 -- and on our own save for another couple of unrelated to the group kids until well after 10:30. I should really stop being punctual (at least when it comes to this group).

The other moms started to arrive closer to 11 and all had brought lunches for their children. I didn't pack Jane anything other than water, so it was a bummer to her that we had to leave for lunch at home.

ALTHOUGH it was ridiculously hot and humid, so an hour and a half outside was more than enough for me anyway. Jane and I were both soaked through with sweat, despite the cool towels.

Once we were home and cooling off she was happily playing with her toys no problem. I'm still a social malcontent, but I'm really trying to make connections. I guess I need to understand the dynamic of the group a little bit more ... and always pack food!

My conversations with the other moms were fine. I do a lot of listening and not much talking. Especially with one of the moms; she told me something about her daughter and I said something about Jane to affirm that little girls act that way, and she cut me off and told me no her daughter didn't do that exactly. It was bizarre and a minor thing. Meh.

I'll keep plugging away and making it to play dates even if I don't totally believe I'll ever be able to make real friends for myself. Pessimist much?

Luddite or Purist? No, I'm Just Cheap

I don't have a smart phone.

Not my current phone, but basically
the same deal.

It is usually no big deal, but lately I've missed two or three group meetings with people because I didn't have access to the MeetUp site where they posted "20 minutes late" messages. So Jane and I explored the strawberry farm and zoo without the rest of our group.

Otherwise my flip phone with a pay-as-you-go plan is just fine and a great money saver (average $8/month for talk and text) ... as long as it works. Sometimes the texting feature doesn't work correctly, like at the last zoo trip I texted the group leader and she apparently never got the message. Or when in Chicago trying to meet up with a friend her "in the lobby" texts started coming hours after we had met up. (Luckily when she called me the phone did work.)

When someone at church borrowed my phone to call her husband she said "wow, you are a purist." I'm not sure that's true. I'm also not sure I'm a Luddite, because I certainly use technology. I'm almost always at home with my wifi -- and so I have access to everything I smartphone would have via my iPod Touch and/or my Kindle Fire (both gifts from my mom ... so maybe she's the only thing keeping me from true Luddite status?). There is wifi in a lot of places out and about too -- the library, Target, etc. But there are times when I am disconnected, and to be honest it isn't that bad.

I think I'm just cheap, because I don't want to spend $70 - $100/month on something I wouldn't use so much (given that I rarely talk on my cell phone and my iPod/wifi hacks are enough right now). I'm sure that will change if my life does -- being more on the go, in a job, Jane at school, etc. 

Imperfect Parenting

Babywearing was so much easier when she was small.

We practice attachment parenting and gentle discipline. It came so naturally during infancy and even early toddlerhood. Now it is so much more of a struggle as she becomes more and more independent.

Example: Last week she ran away from me. At first it was just from one end of a library meeting room to another. She waited for me at the door and I caught up as we left. As we're lining up to check out our books she BOLTS out through the front doors, laughing her fool head off. I sprint after her -- as much as a fat lady carrying 3 bags and a picnic blanket can sprint -- and catch her just before she hits the sidewalk and the parking lot traffic beyond. AH!

I dragged her back into the library, to big protests, but I had to take the books, which had set off the alarm, back in. I held her hand while she struggled and begged to be free, and I checked out the books. In hindsight I should have left them there and walked out with her.

In the moment part of me wanted to spank her -- and believe me this is an not an isolated feeling -- but in cooler head moments I can see how that would accomplish nothing except letting me vent my rage. And I certainly don't want to vent my rage on my precious baby girl, no matter what she's done that upsets me.

But at the same time I feel distaste for other people who advocate for any one parenting style to the exclusion of others -- for OTHER parents! I'm all for living into a chosen discipline and parenting style, and while I think our choices are correct I don't think that means other parents' choices are not equally valid for their children.

Mama Fail, Summer Edition

I pulled another good one today, and in the process wound myself so tightly I'm still coming unraveled.

Earlier in the summer I had perused a local moms blog calendar. It listed lots of things to do for the summer, some of which seemed like good ideas for Jane. One of them was a weekly $1 kid-friendly movie at a local theater. I looked at the linked PDF, made note of the dates and movies I would actually consider taking her to (had to be G and we had to be in town), and today was the first one: Oceans.

Jane and I had been SO EXCITED to go see her first movie. And we had raced through a trip to the church where we were helping with the bulletin. I had stressed out last night about how I was going to get it all done, and then WHAMMO ... that was all for nothing.

The document that was linked was the 2013 list. I would have noticed if I'd looked at the file name, but I never noticed it on the PDF flier itself.

First, the movies are always on Wednesday. (7/24 was a Wednesday last year of course) Second, the theater wasn't even open so there was no one to ask/no sign about the program. I had to wait until a UPS person got someone to open the door for her to ask my question.

I was so perturbed and thought maybe I'd just gotten the theater wrong and raced across town to see if I could catch it at the correct theater. No dice, because I had the YEAR wrong. Not the theater.

Dejected doesn't begin to describe it. And I feel pathetic for being upset over such a small thing! We came home and found the Oceans movie on Amazon to rent for $3, basically spending $1 more than we would have at the theater (minus the popcorn I might have sprung for to mark her first in-theater movie).

The movie itself was fine -- didn't totally hold her attention but probably would have been more dramatic and engaging on a huge screen. We may try again next week with The Lego Movie when my sister and Owen are visiting. We'll see...

Still Swimsuiting Up

I've given more thought to the moms-should-get-in-the-water-with-their-kids idea that I read and wrote about a while back. When I first read it I understood the message as -- love your body and don't let your fatness or out-of-shapeness keep you out of the pool with your kids. And while I think that's still the main point I've also come to see another side of it -- a bit of apathy.

I don't have the luxury of choosing to stay out of the water with Jane because she is so little. If she's going to swim someone HAS to go in with her. But with bigger kids that is a less clear area. If you're outside the pool watching (and really watching) then the kid can swim alone/with other kids. And there's something about that that is very appealing -- even in my toddler mamahood I can see that.

Because putting on a bathing suit, even with all the body confidence in the world, is a chore. There's getting your hair wet, being wet for a while and dealing with drying off and changing. Just the logistics are a little annoying, especially if you're not in love with swimming or being in the water.

But even with all that I still am at a point where I would love to have better access to a pool, mainly because I know Jane loves it so. I checked the BREC pools and they all closed last week. What the heck -- we're in the dead of summer and the pools are closed? The water park is still open, but that's less fun -- and more expensive. Bummer.

Losing and Finding

I'm on a bit of a cleaning and organizing frenzy, mainly because of things I've lost and can't find and the utter chaos of so much stuff squirreled away throughout the house is stressing me out. It's not a nesting situation, where I'm trying to make things look better, although the work inevitably makes that so. It's more about getting a grip on all the accumulated detritus of my life (our life) and know where the heck stuff is. (Spoiler: It's a losing battle for me.)

I would love to have an app for that -- Ctrl+F to find whatever obscure thing I'm looking for (travel wallet, Christmas ornament from Gatlinburg, etc.). But in order for something like that to work I'd have to physically tag every little thing and/or put it in a list showing where it lives. And if I did that then I'm fairly certain my brain would retain where it is. Just like I remember where things are that I use regularly -- I don't lose my deodorant or the kitchen knives.

Writing Utensils by mrsdkrebs on Flickr

And in this faux clutter-busting (because really I'm not even getting rid of a fraction of the stuff I have -- just organizing and moving it around in somewhat more logical placements) I am bewildered by the HUGE number of pens I own. There are pens everywhere. I should never have to buy another pen in my entire life, or possibly Jane's entire life. But you know I will. Ah, I love them.

With all this I STILL cannot find my travel wallet. Oh where, oh where could that CB2 wallet have gone? There's nothing in it besides old boarding passes, my Southwest membership rewards card (an airline I never fly anymore just because the routes don't match up to where I need to go) and a terrible drawing of a dress I made. But it's still driving me crazy not knowing where it is or for sure if I left it on an airplane.

Qdoba vs. Chipotle

My favorite foods are terrible. I LOVE-LOVE-LOVE cheeseburgers. I dig Tex-Mex, even quick service variety. Tacos are my jam (oh, Taco Mayo!), but I also like burrito places. While we were in Chicago Jane and I ate at a lot of quick service places out of sheer convenience and exhaustion, including Qdoba and Chipotle. It made me want to write a little comparison.

My history with Chipotle dates to the University of Maryland, when there was one walking distance from my grad school apartment. I'd never heard of it before and my roommate and I pronounced the word wrong for a while. AH. So it has good memories, but it loses out in the head-to-head comparison now.

Although this has nothing to do with why I like it less, at the Chicago Chipotle a random guy engaged me in conversation about my burrito. I was sitting there, with my toddler, wolfing this thing down and the guy, possibly homeless because he came in to just use the bathroom, talked to me about it twice -- on the way in and out. It was so weird.

From robertrazrblog on Flickr

I first went to Qdoba in Manhattan, and my favorite part was -- and still is -- the queso, which Chipotle doesn't offer. Also a plus for me now is that Qdoba has a kids' menu, which Chipotle does not. That means Jane can get a cheese quesadilla, beans or apple sauce, and a milk jug. Her options at Chipotle are severely limited. I guess I could try to feed her a taco? (In Chicago I just went next door and bought her a cheese sandwich -- wow nutrition on vacation).

My second favorite part of Qdoba is the beverage station, which is a new thing. They're also available at Noodles & Co. and Burger King -- the machines that give you lots of options for each drink. My pick is cherry vanilla diet Dr. Pepper.

Looking at their websites I see Chipotle offers alcohol, although I've never actually had a margarita there. (And that might be enough to sway my vote the other way, if I were dining without Jane that is. Mama loves her margaritas even more than queso!)

Back in BR I have access to both restaurants. Neither is particularly convenient, although the Qdoba is near Whole Foods and Chipotle is on the north side of campus where I never go. There used to be a second, ultra-convenient Qdoba near our old apartment, but it's closed and turned into some kind of bistro. Gag.

Taste of Chicago: Cheezeborger, Cheezeborger

 The Taste of Chicago was going on while we were in town, and it was only a few blocks away from our hotel. So Jane and I walked over one evening for supper. It was exiting -- and exhausting -- because of the huge crowds. There was an enormous line to get in, so I kept walking down Grant Park to another, significantly less crowded entrance.

Jane had fallen asleep in the stroller on the walk over, and she slept the entire time we were there. Oh well.

I bought some tickets and bought myself a Cheezeborger, Cheezeborger. I had never seen the SNL bit that refers to, but I did look it up when we got home. Way old and semi-funny. The burger itself was OK. It had been sitting in a cooler or something to keep it warm.

I bought Jane a piece of cheese pizza that she ate when she woke up on the walk back. There was fun-looking kids area, but I weighed the cost of waking her up, standing in line for the bouncy slide and then wrestling with her to go back in the stroller for the walk to the hotel. (She stayed in the stroller!)

I loved this city view behind Buckingham Fountain in Grant Park. Apparently there are light shows after dark and every 20 minutes there is a water show when the fountains do different things. I didn't notice and only learned that a few days later on our skyline boat tour on Lake Michigan. Something for our next trip to Chicago!

In Chicago: Lincoln Park Zoo

This was the first animal we saw in Lincoln Park Zoo, and this was the first picture I took that day. After this the bear was in the water and we weren't able to see him as well. Apparently there was a way to go down and view him under the water. We could see him playing from up above but then we moved on.

This was my favorite Chicago thing that we did. It's free, took up a good number of hours. If it weren't for toddler naps, general exhaustion, heat and sun exposure we could have stayed much longer.

In Chicago: Shedd Aquarium

Shedd Aquarium was a good time, although expensive. Jane is under 3 so was free, which made the sticker price a little less shocking. We went early to beat the crowds, and for the first hour or so we didn't have hordes of people around us. After we watched our 10:30 dolphin show though it started crowding up, and when we left by 1 pm it was impossible to see the exhibits because of all the humanity.

Jane loved everything, especially the iPads they had at most of the tanks to give more information about the fish and sea creatures inside. She also loved the 4-D movie -- 15 minutes of Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. It was scarier than I expected! But I do love Ray Romano's voice though.

My favorite were the jellies. Even though they're invasive and horrible they are beautiful to look at in a tank under those pretty pretty lights!

In Chicago: Navy Pier

We went to Navy Pier twice. It's a tourist trap and a half, crowded and obnoxious. I loved the Children's Museum that's there, although it would be better in a different location and without so many people/groups of children. Jane had a good time. We also took a boat ride out into Lake Michigan to see the Chicago skyline that was fun. This is a picture of the Ferris Wheel that is there. It costs $7 (each) to ride it, so we didn't do it. Jane did ride the carousel with her dad for $6. Ca-CHING!

I also saw The Little Hat Shop, which was a kiosk selling crocheted hats just like the ones I make. Totally weird, and they were selling for $25-30. I imagined pricing mine at $15-20 (and still will when they go to a craft fair in the fall). I looked them up online and it's a little chain and even though the hats are handmade it's done sort of like manufacturing in that different crocheters make different parts of the hats. Is there art in that? I'm not sure. But I was actually pretty happy to see it and know about it.

Here are some of my reviews from the Chicago trip on TripAdvisor.

In Chicago: Sunburn City

Crimeny Christmas I got a weird sunburn on my back, mainly on my shoulder blades, the last day of our trip. How can I get complete coverage with sunblock on my own with a wild toddler? And without any aloe handy my pain never resolved. Lugging my huge backpack and rolling all the luggage on our trip back was incredibly painful. Yech. It still hurts a few days later. WHINE WHINE WHINE.

I was mostly able to keep Jane sunburn-free, although she did get a little pink on her arms and legs some days (I'm expecting more freckles -- signs of sun damage I know!). We did a lot of outside stuff, but we kept inside activities in the mix and I always slathered her with sunscreen. I think her skin took the hit when we would just go outside to walk to a restaurant or store. I wasn't as vigilant then.

When we went to the beach in the morning sun I had her wear a little boy swimsuit (much longer leg coverage) and a long-sleeve rash guard. She looked like a little boy but it definitely helped keep her skin covered. She also is pretty good about wearing her little green sun hat, which is adorable -- just like her!

My precious girl has the most beautiful skin and I want to keep it protected!

In Chicago: Fancy Hotel with So-So Service

We stayed at a posh hotel in Chicago but it was actually a less comfortable stay than when we're at a mid-range business style hotel. I think that says something about us but also about the hotel itself, which caters to high-end clients and is a bit dismissive of anyone in steerage. (There's a separate hotel-within-a-hotel for the high-rollers.) Also this hotel didn't have coffee makers, fridges, etc. and those things make staying in a hotel with a toddler much easier.

Our room was fine -- nice fixtures and attractive enough with plenty of space for a king-sized bed and pack-and-play. But around the edges as a little worn. The door to the bathroom had splinters of paint coming off it. The tub drained slow. The mirrors had fingerprints that never were removed -- and they were way too high for any of us to have made unless Shawn or I stood on the desk, which we didn't. Eventually I stopped wishing for access to Windex and paper towels! The ironing board was attached to the inside of the closet door and made a big racket every time you opened it. Just little things like that -- lack of attention to detail.

Wine glasses in the hallway for 24+ hours

The worst offense though was the hallway. Other guests would put trash and room service items outside their door and they would stay there for a long time -- like up to a day. So aesthetically unpleasing sure, but painfully annoying to walk past multiple times per day with a curious toddler.

High-end hotels charge for Internet of course, but thankfully we got our wifi free with the conference. Unfortunately it was pretty crappy wifi. It died completely for a few hours and then I had repeated trouble with the connection to my computer right when I needed to do a bit of work for the church. Typical. Troubleshooting via phone routed me to an off-site person.

The hotel was huge, and so being down in the lobby or street level we were overwhelmed with the noise every time. It seemed louder in there than it was even out on the street. The hotel is located very close to the El train, and you can hear it in the room. But eventually it just became part of the background. I liked it because it gave us a real city vibe.

There are a lot of doormen milling about, but they weren't very helpful to me. I think we had the door opened for us only once and usually I had to do the pull-the-stroller-in-backward-while-I-hold-the-door-open-with-my-butt move on the non-handicap entrances.

In Chicago: Giordano's Pizza

This was the good stuff. Nom, nom, nom.

Where We Have Been

We were away for one week, and we just got home last night. I have many stories to tell, but I thought I'd do a quick update to set up the posts. I didn't write really while we were there, although I took a few notes and thought about what I would write if I had the time. It was an amazing trip, although we're still a little woozy from the travel...

In Chicago: 103 Stories Up