I know 99% of it is actually me projecting meaning into a harmless question, but when a mom at the playground asked "so, is Jane in any school programs?" I felt immediately shamed and panicky because the answer is of course "NO" but ...
SHOULD she be in school programs? She's 10 months old. Is she already at an age that I can't provide her with the stimulation she needs? Does she need more socialization than library story time, the church nursery and the playground can provide?
AM I DOING EVERYTHING WRONG?
And all of that from a question that was probably more like "know of any good programs for kids?" or "let me tell you about this program my son is in." (Although this particular mom I already knew she had her son in Mother's Day Out and also works as a music teacher for that program.)
Just writing this out makes my insecurities seem less important and likely a waste of my time fretting them. I also need to be a better listener to create some real mom friendships. Developing friendships is very difficult for me in any case, and adding this weird self-consciousness about my parenting choices seems to make it that much harder.
Maybe I should just grow up...